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Original poster

How to handle sports day this year?

310 replies

cadburyegg · 06/05/2025 23:23

Sports day is next month and my ds7 is already worrying about it, bless him, and saying how much he hates it. He is the smallest in the year (0.4th centile), he’s hypermobile, he’s always last. My ds10 doesn’t much like it either but will take part begrudgingly.

I have considered taking ds7 out for the day considering he hates it but ds10 would be upset at the unfairness of it unless I take both of them out.

I was always terrible at sports and was last at everything. I wonder if there is a better way of dealing with things other than telling them “it’s not the winning that counts, it’s the taking part!” Surely making kids do races that they hate (my ds7 cried during his last year) isn’t actually very good for their development? Is there a happy medium between taking them out for the day and making them participate in everything? Can I tell them that actually they don’t have to do certain races? My two I think wouldn’t mind doing the egg and spoon / bean bags etc but the running and relay upsets ds7 in particular.

Or am I setting them up for a complete lack of resilience?!

OP posts:
Jumpers4goalposts · 09/05/2025 11:04

Dinnerplease · 09/05/2025 10:31

But there's also on these threads a sort of 'children who are ND automatically find all of this really traumatic' vibe. I mean we're honestly full house- ASD, dyspraxia/dcd, hypermobility and random fainting episodes- and DD still does it, sometimes comes last or back of the pack, and doesn't find it traumatic (and we're not in a 'naice' area, either, although I am not sure what difference that is supposed to make). It's not that we've done anything in particular but it's the same energy that says all mainstream schooling is automatically traumatic for children with ASD.

It sounds like a lot of this is a problem with the school, rather than sports day per se, and I would engage on that basis- say look, they're finding it difficult, is there another way this can be run? If the school has a culture where kids are humiliating others they have a bullying problem which needs to be dealt with.

Schools should be running things in an inclusive way. Just like with the school play, not everyone gets to be the soloist, not everyone will excel, but it can be managed well. And actually at a previous school my kids were at, everyone did the spelling bee too. DD2 was shit at it but, you know- she'll get over it.

100% at my DC’s school we have children participating with all sorts of disabilities including Down Syndrome and skeletal dysplasia however the school makes reasonable adjustments speak to the school about reasonable adjustments if your DC is diagnosed with a disability.

I honestly believe as parents we are doing nothing to parent our children if we avoid difficult situations, and is probably why there is an issue with resilience in our young people. We need to equip them with the tools to deal with difficult situations however that difficulty represents.

DoRayMeMeMe · 09/05/2025 16:35

MadeleineAllbright · 07/05/2025 11:37

This argument gets trotted out again and again on these threads, and it makes no sense. You do know that PE lessons are year round and multiple times a week, just like maths lessons? The sporty kids get to shine week in, week out, in PE lessons (and in extra curricular sporting activities) - the unsporty kids struggle but get on with it, just like the kids who hate maths do in maths lessons.

Sports day adds an audience, which is humiliating for self-conscious, unsporty kids. There is absolutely no equivalent where unacademic kids are forced to fail in front of a crowd of parents giving them patronising sympathy cheers.

Show quote history

Yes, let’s cancel sports day, and the Christmas concert, and the artwork display. Let’s cancel exams too whilst we’re there.

Let’s just cancel everything where a bit of talent might be visible, because god forbid a parent might have to cope with seeing that some kids just are better than theirs at some things.

It’s isn’t self-concious really, is it? You make it sound much more like self-absorption to the point of self-obsession.

TheaBrandt1 · 09/05/2025 16:37

You’re so over dramatic and unable to comprehend any nuance. It’s like dealing with a child.

DoRayMeMeMe · 09/05/2025 16:51

You are using the word ‘nuance’ but what you mean is ‘special rules for me and my child’.
Now, if you are actually prepared to get off your arse and help organize these Nuanced Games, then I am totally with you.
But if, as I suspect, your total contribution is whining on the internet, then No-is-a-complete-sentence/DFOATFOTTFSOF/etc.

TheaBrandt1 · 09/05/2025 17:25

You sound quite mad. Or pissed.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/05/2025 18:15

DoRayMeMeMe · 09/05/2025 16:35

Yes, let’s cancel sports day, and the Christmas concert, and the artwork display. Let’s cancel exams too whilst we’re there.

Let’s just cancel everything where a bit of talent might be visible, because god forbid a parent might have to cope with seeing that some kids just are better than theirs at some things.

It’s isn’t self-concious really, is it? You make it sound much more like self-absorption to the point of self-obsession.

Show quote history

Cancelling it is unnecessary but we don't need to force children to take part either just like I wouldn't expect a nervous child to be forced to say lines in a Christmas concert. They are supposed to be fun events.

Original poster
cadburyegg · 09/05/2025 18:31

So I spoke to ds7’s teacher today. I didn’t actually make any suggestions in particular, just started the conversation with the fact ds7 is already struggling with the idea of sports day and asked if is there anything that can be done. She said straight away she can tell he struggles with PE, and said she would speak to the PE teacher but she thinks it would be a good idea for him to sit out the running/relay and just do the egg and spoon, throwing bean bags etc. She said sports day is supposed to be fun and it’s not worth him getting so distressed over. I’m happy with this 🙂 but will speak to her closer to the time to check again.

thanks again to everyone who made supportive comments.

OP posts:
Plumedenom · 09/05/2025 21:56

Dinnerplease · 09/05/2025 07:52

Being dyspraxic doesn't give you a let for everything physical. It's definitely up to the school to adapt activities so everyone can take part, and I'd be having that chat with them if the sports culture there is poor and kids are being excluded as a result (that sounds like wider problems than sports at the school). But as mentioned above DD is dyspraxic with ASD and still does it. I don't hold it's traumatic for her to be shit at high jump. She can either live with being bad at high jump or she can work at it. Yes, she's got loads of resilience already, but she will need more than kids who aren't disabled, so we keep building it.

She's actually a pretty decent swimmer and swims with a para club, but that's because she's really worked at it for years at 3 hours a week and if she swam with the mainstream club would still be very much last. But if we'd have just given up when she was poor compared to other kids and found it embarassing she'd not be able to swim at all.

Well done @Dinnerplease that's some good parenting because it's amazing actually the achievements children can make even in the areas they are not naturally adapted to do. Swimming is a life skill as well as being great for your health and you have also taught that sports should be about winning against yourself and your own personal best, not gold medals.

Original poster
cadburyegg · 30/06/2025 22:19

Updating this now we’ve had sports day. I spoke to ds7’s teacher who promised he wouldn’t have to do any of the races.

Unfortunately she dropped the ball on that one and he had to do everything. As predicted, he was fine with the egg and spoon race (actually came first!), throwing and jumping, but freaked out when he came to the hurdles, running and relay. He was crying so I went over as far as I could then the TA told me I couldn’t be there. He ended up calming down a bit and was ok to do everything with some encouragement from the teachers.

Ds10’s was exactly the same, despite him doing his later in the day (different key stage) so it’s not like he saw what ds1 had done. He couldn’t cope with the noise. Ended up point blank refusing to do the bits he hated, which just happened to be the same ones ds2 got upset with, which was the running, relay and hurdles. I didn’t go over to him after what happened with ds2, only for the teacher to call me over. Bit confusing.

Then at the end of the day all the teachers were saying to them “did you enjoy sports day?????”

It was so bloody stressful that when we got home I put the tv on for them and went upstairs and cried for about 15 minutes. Pathetic I know.

I don’t feel like the school handled it well but it’s otherwise very good so I’m not going to say anything. Ds10 has been picked on at school recently and they have dealt with it really well. But sports day just felt like a bit of an unnecessary ordeal for them to be honest. However, after seeing how they were happy enough to do the throwing etc, and seemed to enjoy that part, I am not convinced taking them out for the whole day is the right thing to do. I think next year I am going to tell them that they simply don’t have to do everything and to pick and choose the bits that they are happy to do. I could see that ds10 in particular genuinely couldn’t cope with the whole thing. It continues into secondary school apparently (as the school ds10 will go to has just had theirs too).

OP posts:
Gloriia · 01/07/2025 12:47

'It was so bloody stressful that when we got home I put the tv on for them and went upstairs and cried for about 15 minutes. Pathetic I know.'

Absolutely not pathetic Flowers.

Parents should all keep their kids off on sports days imo. Once the penny drops teachers may realise it's a waste of everyone's time and go back to teaching our kids the actual curriculum.

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