To not want BIL’s partner to come to our house?

[chococooo]

Basically BIL cheated on his long term partner and had two kids with another woman.

The OW followed BIL home one night and knocked on the door when BIL was out and told BIL’s long term partner everything.

The OW was well aware he was living with his long term partner and had kids with her, he made it clear that it was only a fling and he would never leave his partner.

Obviously his partner left him and after abit he had ended up in a relationship with the OW.

I am friendly with with his ex and she is a good woman who went through a lot in her life, she gave BIL a home when he had nothing, to be honest I am very disgusted that he has treated her like this.

Now BIL wants to bring her round our house and introduce herself to our kids ( 1 year old twins).
Apparently she has been begging BIL to meet me and to get friendly etc.

BIL is my OH’s younger brother.

I have no interest in being friendly with this woman, and I certainly don’t want her in my home.
The ex has told me she began stalking her, writing things online about her etc, basically bunny boiler type stuff.

I don’t want to get involved in all BIL’s drama.
I have said to OH that BIL can come round with the kids but that’s it and I won’t be entertaining her at all.

OH feels awkward and doesn’t know how to tell BIL even though he dosent like the woman either.

AIBU?

"The ex has told me she began stalking her, writing things online about her etc, basically bunny boiler type stuff."

That's such a cliche and rarely true. We don't actually know what happened. You said yourself that he is a sleaze. We don't know how he treated her or what pack of lies he might have told her.

Children can be born from a fling. Especially if the couple are stupidly not using protection.

Are you/DH not interested in having a relationship with your nieces/nephews?

BIL sounds awful and I would struggle to be around him and I would have strong boundaries with his DP but I personally would want a relationship with the kids.

I would just be doing it away from my home.

How is it misogynistic?

The BIL is her husband’s brother. She can hardly tell her husband his brother cannot come round.

Biology absolutely overrules a lot of things.

I can be disgusted with my siblings behaviour but I would never cut them off. I am sure many feel the same. It’s lazy to play the misogyny card unless you know for a fact OP would react differently if OH’s sister had an affair with a man. OP has said multiple times she does not like BIL.

(Plus you ignore the woman is stalking the ex to the point the police are involved. I would not want somebody like that knowing my address.)

He is not living with her.

Yes we definitely want a relationship with the children and to see them, they are innocent in all of this.

I just think BIL is just an awful person, I know after it all came out he was sleeping with both women and playing them off against each other.

All those years he was with my friend, she did all the parenting, cooking, cleaning etc whilst he was free to do what he wanted.

He took the new woman and kids on a Xmas holiday to the Caribbean last year.

This really upset my friend as he had never done this with her or their children so there is a bit of favouritism going on with the kids, as my friend says their children have been pushed to the side and forgotten about. So awful for the children.

I intend to keep well away from BIL, me and OH have agreed that he will just meet them for food or at a soft play centre. I won’t be attending.

Where has she blamed it all on the OW? She has said she cannot stand BIL and finds him sleazy.

But he’s her husband’s brother. She can hardly ban him from the house.

yes! He broke his vows not the other woman. Why isn‘t OP barring him from the house as well?

If you DH wants a relationship with his brother, that can happen outside of the home.

They can meet up for lunch or a coffee or at the pub, there’s no reason for BIL, the OW or their DC to come to your home.

I think in a case where a person has acted so inappropriately that the police are involved, it’s wise to keep your distance.

How come you’re not banning BIL from your house too?

Op says that his former partner ‘gave BIL a home when he had nothing’ …

So I imagine that when he was kicked out his ‘fling’ suddenly became more attractive.

Another case of a useless men fathering kids all over the place and treating the women around him like shit.

@chococooo its your home. You don’t have to entertain this crap in it.

However you feel about the OW you should feel the same towards BIL. Both poor characters.

She is a lunatic and you don't want that in your life regardless of the moral aspect.

He is awful and I wouldn't be bothering with him either.

@funinthesun19this isn’t difficult to understand. OP cannot ban BIL because he is her husband’s brother but she can decide not to see the OW because they are not related. OP has said several times that she doesn’t like BIL

And two children with her too!

I think that your OH meeting his brother at soft play/for lunch, etc. is a good idea. He may want to continue seeing his brother, but you don’t have to get involved.

What an awful pair they are.

Exactly, I wouldn’t have either of them in my life, or my children’s lives. I also wouldn’t want to see their 2 children together. Maybe that’s mean but I don’t care. Blood isn’t always thicker than water.

And I certainly wouldn’t have a lunatic stalker around my 2 children. OP, even if it is at a soft play, are you really going to allow this woman around your children?

YANBU. It's your home if you don't want her there that's fine but for your OH's sake agree to meeting her with the kids in the local park or somewhere neutral. Good luck.

What if she decides to stalk you?

You personally dont have too but I dont see how you get to dictate to your DH, if a man tried to be controlling on here all hell would break loose

With the police involved due to her stalking his ex, I absolutely wouldn’t have her in your house with your children.

If your OH wants to meet up with his brother somewhere neutral, he can do that. If she comes along, he’ll have to decide what to do. But you need to protect your family.

First post nails it.

Lol...!

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