To think my husband is wrong for reporting my sister for benefit fraud?

[Rockyhardplace25]

So back story:

My sister is a lot younger than me. There is a 15 year age gap- so I basically raised her as my mother was struggling with an alcohol addiction and wasn’t fit to until she went into rehab when my sister was 9. We have a very, strong close relationship.
Sister has also had her own issues with drugs- but when she found out she was pregnant with my niece 8 years ago, went to rehab and has sorted her life out. To some extent.
She has a much older partner, the gap is nearly 30 years, who she met in her addiction who has also, again to some extent, sorted his life out. In that aspect- I take my hat off to both of them.
This man was married with adult children and got my sister pregnant after a one night stand. He left his wife and moved in with my sister. His “other family” have completely cut him off apart from his eldest child- who, from what I can work out, uses him as a bank.

Me and DH have one child, DD who is now a 11, Children are expensive- there’s no two ways about it. With clothing, school trips, days out etc it does add up. DSIS has a 7 year old and is now pregnant with a second child who we are all very excited about.

DSIS doesn’t work and claims sickness benefits, her partner does. Up until recently we assumed she was reporting his income as part of her claim- but we have found out through a slip of the tounge she isn’t. She isn’t even declaring he lives with her, which he does full time. His bank account, car and other things that could link him back to DSIS house is registered to his son’s address. A son he gives £1500 a month too.

DSIS was brought a house when she turned 18 (we have same mum, different dads) so solely pays the mortgage and a lump of the bills herself topped up by her partner. If he/the kids need anything he will go out and buy it but doesn’t directly contribute to the monthly running of the home. Which has pissed me off if I’m honest.

DH is even more pissed off- feels she is taking the piss, as is he, she is committing fraud and why is it fair we both work our arses off to pay our monthly bills when she’s getting it handed to her on a plate but wouldn’t if she was honest. DH thinks if she does that then her partner will leave her because at the moment he’s pretty much living the life of Riley with no expenses.

Hes admitted to me over the weekend he’s reported her for benefit fraud. I don’t know how I feel- I keep flitting from one thing to the next- but ultimately she is my sister and I am worried she will get into serious shit.

He did the right thing. You don’t like it as it’s your sister but what she is doing is wrong.

You think that a sick woman on the breadline, likely in an abusive relationship, fraudulently claiming money to support her child is the same as murdering or raping someone?

Tricky I think my biggest problem with this is your partner acted like a child, and I would lose respect for him.
I'm not saying benefit fraud isn't serious, but you don't know their exact circumstances, so reporting fraud is not appropriate.
Also your DH needs to grow up and accept the world isn't fair- no one promised it would be. He should have considered the impact on your relationship if your sister faces prison because of his action.

It doesn't sound like he shared his displeasure with the sister though. He didn't even mention it to his wife before he did it.

I wonder what the figures for reporting would be like if you couldn't do it anonymously? There's a lot of self righteous people on this thread banging on about the law is the law and seemingly very proud they'd have no qualms about reporting. Would these people just as proudly announce what they'd done irl?

I do think most reports come from negative places rather than from upstanding citizens desperate to uphold the law.

You can't blame people for not divulging reporting given many of the responses on here.

She shouldn't be doing it but I could never in a million years do something so spiteful and cruel to someone I or my partner loved.

Let her know so she can get things in order.

And honestly I'd leave my partner for doing something like that. Nasty and spiteful. He won't gain anything by ruining her life.

Somebody mentioned upthread about a single mum being reported for doing a bit of ironing on the side. Many of the people on this thread will say they'd report her as she's breaking the law, but how many of them would tell her they've done it, if they were certain she wasn't the kind to retaliate? Not many I'm guessing.

There's something very underhand about about reporting certain things that don't directly affect you and aren't causing actual physical harm to others. It's not a desirable trait and that's why people don't want to be known for doing it.

Murderers and rapists? Wow, what a meaningful comparison, so nuanced.

And actually it's only my own comment you're probably referring to here, when I mentioned having a brick put through my window. Not seen any others about repercussions.

Would I rather the person who actually reported gave their name or else kept their beak out? Yes I would have, as it would have prevented what I had to go through, despite minding my own business.

I had a woman obsessed with me because she thought I was committing "fraud" for daring to start dating a man without moving him in straight away. Not just reports to the relevant authorities but spreading gossip about me among mutual acquaintances. She was batshit and probably would of put a brick through my window too if she knew where I lived.

This is a tough one really, I’d be raging as your husband is, however…with your sisters history of addiction I would be incredibly concerned about the impact this could have on the innocent children. But then again your sister hasn’t been concerned with this and could be reported at anytime by anyone.
Id have been inclined to keep my nose out in this case, not saying that’s right. Would your husband be willing to take your nephews/nieces in if it all goes badly?

Some people are far too concerned about the lives of others and I hate to say it, but it's often women.

Another neighbour of mines sister worked for the council or DWP and had access to who was claiming. My neighbour had a friend she was really jealous of (for no particular reason) and had a hunch she was claiming, so got her sister to find out, then reported her. She continued to be her 'friend' and enjoyed the fallout far too much. Yes, I know the friend was breaking the law but I also know who had the most flawed character out of the 2... and it wasn't her.

As a taxpayer, I don’t care about flawed characters, I just don’t want to go out to work for cheating scroungers

That's nice. As a taxpayer myself, I find I don't have the time to be so involved in other people's business, especially not for reasons that are 100% not out of concern for what my money's funding.

Presumably so he goes along with having everything traceable registered to his address.

I would absolutely say to someone, family or not, if I knew they were committing benefit fraud. People can make all the excuses they want, ill, in an abusive relationship etc but that’s not good enough.
Maybe in this instance the husband didn’t feel he could say anything to his wife as she might then talk him out of it.
As an aside if she has been committing benefit fraud she’ll be told to pay it back at pennies a week so will have got away with it to a degree.
If the boyfriend is in a committed relationship then he should move in and everything can be above board.

Would probably work out cheaper to declare they live together as Sis might not lose any part of benefits that aren't income assessed and partner would no longer need to give his son £1500 a month to use his address for admin.

If OP’s DH has reported her, DWP will investigate and if they think there’s probable cause they will put her under surveillance. When they’re happy they have a case they will invite her in for interview under caution. Physical evidence of his presence there indicating he is living there absolutely does count - a pattern of him returning there every day and staying every night, clothes in the wardrobe, belongings in the residence etc. It all counts.

Probably cheaper for DSIS to declare him as in residence to be honest.

Because I’ve worked in this field and I’ve seen it. If DSIS is experiencing financial abuse or coercive control, this could well be made obvious by the nature of the evidence she gives during any investigation and if so, it will be picked up on. At that point, whether she chooses to officially report it is up to her, but if she does it will be taken into account because she will be viewed as vulnerable.

When someone gets reported for something like benefit fraud and DWP see fit to investigate, a variety of unintended consequences can follow simply because of the depth and scope of the investigation.

We live in this country with all the security and lifestyle we enjoy. The advantages of living here must be paid for. Your sister has broken the trust of the kind government and her neighbours who allocate benefits to those in need. She’s not in need. She lives with a partner who has an income.
Yes the authorities must be told. She will have money to repay and if she can’t return the overpayment then her house will be sold. That’s life for grownups.

Your husband was morally correct. He needs your support.

Your sister is an addict and may revert to her old ways, she will have rehab offered and the tax payer will pay for this. She, just now must take responsibility for her actions and paying into society.

This is not your husband’s fault, he was brave and kept to the law.

Unsurprisingly lots of replies saying she’s a fraudster, throw away the key, etc, but I think if anyone’s husband did such a life-changing thing unilaterally behind our back we’d be royally pissed off.

So you grassed your sister up, while politicians and the elite rip us off 24/7.
Pathetic.

Brave? Oh come off it, nothing about the way he's gone about things sounds "brave" in the slightest.

@Rosscameasdoody yep - I suspect he’s paying that much as wants to keep his house and this is mortgage/rent money. I get that , however you can’t have it all ways - unless there is no recourse from either of them to benefits- far too many people enter into these casual arrangements and one person carries on claiming as before- these kinds of arrangements are totally fine , but not if they are taking public money when his income should be funding the family he has moved in with . Whilst we carry on letting people get away with this then blokes ( and it’s mainly blokes doing this and letting the woman take the flak if it comes out) then certain kinds of blokes will carry on doing it .