To be pissed off with DF for putting me in this position?

[Maythefifthbewithyou]

I had an arrangement today to take a DF out to a local nice town for brunch and bimbling around. It's been planned for weeks.

She doesn't drive and lives quite rurally, so I said I'm happy to drive, pick her up and drop her back.

When I arrived she came to the door with her DD who is 8, they both had coats on and shut the door behind them.

Her DH that morning had decided to go out for the morning on his very outting hobby so they'd between them that DD would join us in our plans.

They didn't think to give me the heads up.

Now besides the fact that I was looking forward to an adult catch up (my DC are pottering in the garden with my DH), there's no space for her DD in my car.

So we've had to change plans as we can't drive anywhere, I went in for a cup of tea and toast and small catch up with an audience, and now have left.

I'm going to enjoy some time to myself before heading back, but AIBU to think it's correct to give heads up a/ to manage my expectations, and b/ for logistical reasons.

I'd have to message and say that it was nice meeting up but next time if her plans change, it would be polite to let you know in advance as you were looking forward to what you'd both planned.

Do you have a 2 seater car?

To the posters asking if the OP has a 2 seater car, surely that's obvious when she states there is no room for the 8yo child?

Just seems a bit odd that she'd have a 2 seater car when she's got kids and that the friend was unaware she had a 2 seater car.

Not in the slightest bit odd. We had a people carrier and a two seater which I used whenever I wasn’t transporting the kids

🙄 Plenty people have a family car and a sports car....

OP that would totally piss me off too, I wouldn't even have stayed for a miserable cup of tea. Hope you can salvage the bank holiday, I wouldn't be going out of my way for her the next time either.

Maybe she has more than one car?

Maybe she shares a bigger car with her DH?

Well it's odd to me

Next time, let her make the effort to travel to you or, at the very least, meet in the middle.

I’d be pretty annoyed in your shoes, OP, so would wait for the friend to plan the next meet up. The effort needs to come from the friend in future.

I agree, it's a lack of empathy. I have someone that assumes her adult children are invited to things I've arranged. Also turned up to dinner at my house with her exchange student. She doesn't ever organise things herself or entertain so suspect she doesn't realise how intrusive or inconvenient it is.

Maybe the back was filled with car seats for small children.

Well if that was the case wouldn’t you just take one out?

I always wonder what these Mumsnet ‘outing hobbies’ could possibly be …
Terapin breeders club..
An exploration of French poetry via the medium of mime club ?
Flamenco dancing…?
Face painting Club?
Vietnamese basket weaving ..?

intriguing….sort of

For a long time our second car was an MX-5. It's not unheard of for families to have a family car and then a second one that they just like.

And if that's the case, I presume as her DC were home with DH she took the car they wouldn't fit in, so that if he wanted or needed to take them anywhere he could.

Second car could also have been a small van or pickup for a business etc

I love the term ‘bimbling about’ and am going to use it often.

Anyway, yes very annoying. I would be really pissed off.

I think people are asking about the car because if you had a 2 seater then it’s a done deal but if you CBA to remove car seats then you were being a bit awkward for the sake of it. I wouldn’t blame you though.

I presume your friend expected them both to fit in your car. I might be a bit disappointed if I were looking forward to a child free day but pissed off seems a bit strong. Why did you stay such a short time. If I catch up with a friend it’s easily a couple of hours. Presumably if you had stayed longer then the daughter might have got bored and gone to do her own thing.

Urg that’s so annoying. Especially since you have to travel such a long distance.

I wouldn’t want to hang around with someone else’s kid either. As you said, it completely changes the dynamic.

The Good news is, it won’t happen again. She will definitely remember that you don’t have enough room for more than just her.

Lots of people have a two seater car, I have because generally I’m the only one in it and don’t see the point in having seats that won’t get used. When I was married, DH had a standard four door car but if I was only expecting to pick one friend up I wouldn’t have taken it.

It's odd that people who like cars sometimes have more than one car?

I might be a bit disappointed if I were looking forward to a child free day but pissed off seems a bit strong

Chuck in a 40 mile round trip & I'd be very pissed off!

Fuck that, I wouldn't see her again

Really rude and thoughtless.

Why are people asking OP if she has a 2 seater car? Do you honestly think she is gonna read that and think ‘oh no, it has back seats too, could fit the 8yo in after all’ - if OP says she couldn’t take the kid why can’t people just accept she couldn’t take the kid?

This... we are lucky enough to be a three car family - hatchback for local pottering, bigger car for long journeys, and an unnecessary luxury - a cheap 2 seater sports car. The 2 seater is the car I get in when I don't need more than 2 seats, because it is most fun!