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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if your a wohp, surely your dc’s childhood must fly by even faster ?

103 replies

GeorgiesCat · 04/05/2025 19:48

Just feeling a bit thoughtful, because my oldest has just turned 18.

so I’m now an parent of an adult
and I just feel like that time has gone by in a flash
Seriously feels like 5 mins ago dc was born
that what I can’t get my head around how has the time gone this fast ?
how ?

i was a sahp for that dc for the early years then ive luckily always been around before and after school and in the holidays too, so we’ve really had the maximum amount of time together possible
yet it’s still gone so fast

I can only imagine, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to be around during these years, say I had to be a wohp full time, surely it must fly by even faster?

maybe you just look back with rose tinted glasses, and you forget the toddler years etc

this is no judgement on anyone for whatever they’ve chosen to do or had to do
every singed person I’ve ever known has always done whatever they feel is best for their family
and we are all unique and have unique circumstances

but just got me thinking that surely the time must fly past even faster ?

OP posts:
FeelingSoOverwhelmed · 04/05/2025 19:57

I think you only have your own experience to go on so can't really say whether it goes faster or not?

I mean for someone that's not trying to make others feel bad, you really had to hammer home the fact you've had "the maximum amount of time together" though didn't you 🙄

ssd · 04/05/2025 19:59

Oh for goodness sake

Eatinghabits86 · 04/05/2025 20:00

Not something I've ever thought about as I was never privileged enough to stay at home. Not that I know what on earth a WOHP is.

No3392 · 04/05/2025 20:02

Wtf is WOHP?

Canonlythinkofthisone · 04/05/2025 20:02

What is wohp?

Original poster
GeorgiesCat · 04/05/2025 20:03

Work out of home parent

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 04/05/2025 20:03

Yeah I've thought the time must really drag by for sahp 🤨.

TheWumpus · 04/05/2025 20:06

I don't think so. People tend to perceive time as going slower when there's more novelty and variety of experiences, and I think in general a combination of work and parenting is likely to have a bit more of that than the routine and repetition of parenting without work. But it surely depends on the person and family and situation too.

Atarin · 04/05/2025 20:06

I think it’s just perception. I feel so lucky I have a great job, great family, and spend maximum quality time together. I can tell you that time doesn’t fly by at all for us at the moment. We’re lucky as we get to maximise our free time and have so much fun together and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I think you’re just getting old (as we all are), looking back you only remember bits of things, the best or the worst. You don’t remember the boring bits.

Looking back at school, uni, work, childhood, it all goes so fast now - but it didn’t at the time!! I have no recollection of my parents spending vast amounts of time with me, I can barely remember boring lectures. You pick the best and worst moments as they stand out.

I’m sorry you’re feeling sad, do you think something is missing at the moment? If you’ve dedicated your adult life to children who are no longer adults it must be tough, like you’re retiring almost. Do you have any hobbies or friends you can see to start the next chapter of your life?

boobleblingo · 04/05/2025 20:06
Hmm
Sherararara · 04/05/2025 20:07

GeorgiesCat · 04/05/2025 20:03

Work out of home parent

😆😆🤣 yeah let’s all just invent our own a acronyms.
Youre such a DJXTH!

MidnightPatrol · 04/05/2025 20:08

I think feeling like life has flown by is universal to the human condition.

I think the suggestion that working parents aren’t experiencing their children as ‘totally’ as you is likely to rub many people up the wrong way.

TakeMyLifeAndLetItBe · 04/05/2025 20:09

You haven't had maximum time as your child went to school. You would've done if they were home educated right from the start. It still goes by in a flash even then!

LochKatrine · 04/05/2025 20:10

Some people have no choice. When mine were pre school my husband became critically ill. I had to work full time. For several years I just worked at work, then did cooking parenting and caring when I got home.
It dragged.

DinaofCloud9 · 04/05/2025 20:11

Why would time go quicker for people who worked? I don't understand your reasoning.

Hedonism · 04/05/2025 20:11

this is no judgement on anyone for whatever they’ve chosen to do or had to do ....weeelllllll, your whole op sounds a little bit judgy, no?

I say this as a ptsahptwfhptwohft parent.

BigRenoLittleBudget · 04/05/2025 20:12

🍿

Original poster
GeorgiesCat · 04/05/2025 20:13

Atarin · 04/05/2025 20:06

I think it’s just perception. I feel so lucky I have a great job, great family, and spend maximum quality time together. I can tell you that time doesn’t fly by at all for us at the moment. We’re lucky as we get to maximise our free time and have so much fun together and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I think you’re just getting old (as we all are), looking back you only remember bits of things, the best or the worst. You don’t remember the boring bits.

Looking back at school, uni, work, childhood, it all goes so fast now - but it didn’t at the time!! I have no recollection of my parents spending vast amounts of time with me, I can barely remember boring lectures. You pick the best and worst moments as they stand out.

I’m sorry you’re feeling sad, do you think something is missing at the moment? If you’ve dedicated your adult life to children who are no longer adults it must be tough, like you’re retiring almost. Do you have any hobbies or friends you can see to start the next chapter of your life?

He so do think it’s maybe about getting older, I just honestly can’t believe where the time has gone
that that dcs childhood is over
we do have have younger dc tho, still primary aged so still young really
and determined to make the most of things there

i do have a good full busy life, and I know I’ve just got to embrace the next changes that are coming
as it’s happening anyway so might as well just try and make the best of it

I did say to dh this am tho that when you think in 10 years we will be late 50s
heading towards 60
that also doenst seem real
sp perhaps tour idea of ageing is something to do with this
just mad how fast life flies

I do agree you forget how hard certain things were tho
dh said thats evolution for you, natures way of getting to you have more children

OP posts:
ChompinCrocodiles · 04/05/2025 20:14

I can only imagine, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to be around during these years, say I had to be a wohp full time, surely it must fly by even faster?

I really don't understand your thought process.

Your dc's childhood will pass in the same amount of time regardless of whether you're employed or unemployed during it.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/05/2025 20:16

I could argue that SAHPs are more likely to take time with their kids for granted, whereas WOHPs are more likely to be intentional about how they use the time that they have, so the time might end up "slipping by" more quickly for SAHPs overall.

But it would be a bit twatish to suggest that there is any significant difference so let it merely be said that all of us spend time with our kids and all of us wonder where that time went once the kids have grown up, but as long as we've used that time to build strong relationships and happy memories, we will all make the transition to being the parents of adult children quite successfully.

Weekmindedfool · 04/05/2025 20:17

Stop being such a DJCKI!

Original poster
GeorgiesCat · 04/05/2025 20:18

ChompinCrocodiles · 04/05/2025 20:14

I can only imagine, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to be around during these years, say I had to be a wohp full time, surely it must fly by even faster?

I really don't understand your thought process.

Your dc's childhood will pass in the same amount of time regardless of whether you're employed or unemployed during it.

I suppose my thought process is, if I had spent less time with this dc, surely it would feel like it had passed by even faster

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 04/05/2025 20:23

Maybe it goes slower as they have work and family in their lives. Sameness makes the time fly for me.

DinaofCloud9 · 04/05/2025 20:25

Would time have gone slower if you'd home schooled?

Tarantella6 · 04/05/2025 20:27

As the saying goes, the days are long but the years are short.

If I was at home full time, living in a really tight budget, my mental health would be in the toilet which I agree would probably have made the last 12 years go INCREDIBLY slowly. In more of a torturous way than a good way though ...