To wonder if your a wohp, surely your dc’s childhood must fly by even faster ?

[GeorgiesCat]

Just feeling a bit thoughtful, because my oldest has just turned 18.

so I’m now an parent of an adult
and I just feel like that time has gone by in a flash
Seriously feels like 5 mins ago dc was born
that what I can’t get my head around how has the time gone this fast ?
how ?

i was a sahp for that dc for the early years then ive luckily always been around before and after school and in the holidays too, so we’ve really had the maximum amount of time together possible
yet it’s still gone so fast

I can only imagine, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to be around during these years, say I had to be a wohp full time, surely it must fly by even faster?

maybe you just look back with rose tinted glasses, and you forget the toddler years etc

this is no judgement on anyone for whatever they’ve chosen to do or had to do
every singed person I’ve ever known has always done whatever they feel is best for their family
and we are all unique and have unique circumstances

but just got me thinking that surely the time must fly past even faster ?

That's what 'generational wealth' means....

My eldest is about to turn 18. Me and all friends who have kids the same age can’t quite believe we are at this stage - and we’ve all had a variety of work (or non-work) experiences. I think time gets faster as one ages…

I don’t feel superior in the slightest, nor do I feel less than
bloody hell, you literally can’t even mention this subject without people taking offence
i have the upmost respect for all parents as all the ones I know, are doing whatever they feel is best for their families
I don’t know one single person that hasn’t

Then why write a remarkably silly post about how, if you’d not been ‘lucky enough’ to be a SAHP and around for your DC”s entire childhood, it would have gone past in a flash?

There are huge POTENTIAL negatives to being a SAHP, just as there are for being a working parent.

I worked, and as a result I now have an (almost) adult child that has extensively travelled to 3 different continents. Yes I have missed out on taking him to mother and baby groups and bonding with other mums, but this option is better for me because of the big memories we have been able to make.

Also if you have to write ‘no offense’ then you know what you are saying is going to cause offense.

PS. Personally I would only say ‘lucky’ to be SAHP if it was because I was independently wealthy, so my ability to stay at home wasn’t tied to a man or the government paying my way (not an insult to those who have that, it is just that it would be too much of a risk to me personally to rely so heavily on someone else to provide for me). If you aren’t independently wealthy then you are putting yourself into a more vulnerable position long term

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

I didn’t make up the acronyms

and I’m not a sahp parent
which I’ve already said but some people don’t even read the thread

I'm just reflecting on the fact for me personally this time has flown and I think perhaps for me personally, I’d feel that time with that dc would have gone even faster if, I’d not been lucky enough to have had so much time with them

anyway whatever
it’s a good heads up and reminder that this is a no go subject for a lot
and make sure I don’t talk to anyone I know in real life about this

Oh ffs.

your post is dripping with smugness.

well done on you on doing life right.

for what it’s worth, that’s just life. I’m a “wohp” and my life is whooshing by. Nothing to do with the kids. It seemed like I was at uni then just blinked my eyes and here I am 25 years later.

it’s nothing to do with being a “wohp”. It’s just getting older.

Your poor husband, so unlucky, OP, so so unlucky. He had to go to work and missed out on all those Precious Moments. 😢😢

It's you're, not your.

Maybe jist engage your intelligence before you post in future?

My DH said this. He feels as he hasn't been there enough when they were younger (12 and 15 now). I am happy having been a sahm sharing all big moments in their lives and we are really close. I never had this type of relationship with my ft working mum.

If you do the maths you will find that nursery for 2 children will eat up one salary very quickly so having one parent sah is not a luxury. Many don't want to because they find it boring. I loved it but then I like to be around kids in general which helps.

Well we all do what we have to do to make it work. Loved mat leave and returned to work with a partner who was able to work shifts in his profession to minimise childcare to half a day in the early years. Lots of family days out and holidays etc. DC adored nursery so a nice balance, did loads together with DP outside that. Glad they did as Dp died v suddenly when they we 8 years old- luckily I have a job which allowed me to take 6 months off on full pay. Then the rest of it was just bloody getting through as best we could with reduced income and me having g to work full time in a really challenging job. No family support within 200 miles, limited wrap around care and holiday clubs but we got their. DC now at uni and just an amazing, funny and resilient young person. I have not missed a moment of their upbringing, their are years I wish it was different but we got there.

As you get older time seems to go faster - I have found that people with it without children feel this notion. But especially people that live in cities as the days and weeks feel so fast paced.

I don’t really get what you think us working parents have missed out on. I have amazing memories with my kids - but I also have amazing memories and achievements related to my work - and I’ve been privileged enough to share some of those moments with my family - and I love that my DD feels I can be a role model - regardless of if I work or sah.

@Breadandsticks absolutely this. My DD has turned out to be a strong, independent young person with an amazing work ethic. She is very proud of me and the job I do (senior frontline child protection) and has aspirations for the future that do not depend on being in a relationship.

Time is very strange when you're in work. The hours last forever (seriously yr11, how have you ONLY been in here 7 minutes?) But the weeks go quickly.

One of mine is about to be the age I started clubbing. He's caught up to where my teenage diaries got interesting (not that he'll ever be allowed to read them). My parents constantly remark on how quickly my dc have grown, so it's fuck all to do with being a sahp. It's just that every age of your life gets shorter because it's a smaller percentage.

Maybe people who have dc at young er ages see time going more slowly.

Humblebrag much ?

Perception of time is relative.

When I was between a reluctant SAHP between jobs looking after pre-school dcs, I felt like I was marking time. My mind was going loopy with boredom but my body could not physically leave ds. Time passed really slowly then.

Once I went back to work, I could enjoy and value my time with dcs again because I was getting mental stimulation elsewhere.

I’m sorry but this is all projection.

I don’t feel better than anyone, and I dont “choose to wonder” (lol).

My youngest is just leaving babyhood behind, and I’m frequently struck with pangs of strong emotion (hard to describe - a mix of happiness, sadness, loss, pride in her, excitement, etc etc.). Among these feelings, I am so grateful for all the time I’ve had with my children, but I also feel it isn’t enough - I wish I could have more. Obviously, with many friends and acquaintances also with small children, who work full time, it also crosses my mind “oh wow, do they also have these feelings? How do they manage them, when they have even less time than I do?” - particularly in relation to the mothers, as I’m a mother myself. I guess you haven’t had the feelings I describe… if you had, you’d appreciate it’s natural to “wonder” how others might cope with them, and particularly so when their circumstances seem tougher than yours.

I have other thoughts and feelings too (shocking I know), including some admiration for mothers juggling difficult high powered careers and children, or carrying the financial responsibilities for the family. I do admire the women pulling this off, but I’m also relieved I didn’t have to do it… along with a mix of other sentiments and “wondering”. I’ve thought about it a lot, as I chose to give up my own career, so there’s nothing “limited and unimaginative” about it (but thanks for that).

I would just focus on yourself and think of what you can do to make the next stage of your life bearable. You seem to be struggling with the impending change to your identity as a parent. So perhaps work on that?

No not buying it, I have been both and no my time machine went at the same pace, nice try but time stays the same no matter what people do it is the way look at things, I mean one could assume time goes slower for those who only think one way or are trying really hard to be one of those annoying people at parties who put on the patronising voice when speaking to adults but who knows what is around the corner

I thought you were still a sahm, and about to try for another child as your youngest is starting school? And that your mum keeps having a dig at you for having given up work and accuses you of being unemployed? Not sure why you have changed your facts for this thread. A bit confusing really.

Anyway, keep busy. Your kids still need you when they are at uni. Unfortunately ;-)

Ah is this just a person making up random posts and forgetting to name change? How annoying but good spot

It's because you keep talking about how 'lucky' you are, surely you can see that this implies that you are judging that everyone else is 'unlucky'?

Nobody is that dim, this has to be a wind up.

So your oldest is 18 and you’re “late 40s”, but you worked full time for 15 years before that?
15+18 is 33 so either you’re very nearly 50 or started full time work at secondary school. Do you not have A-levels?