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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling upset. Deleted off facebook and actively blanked in a shop.

78 replies

Hurryupretirement · 04/05/2025 15:03

I’m feeling a bit upset by it and need to try and understand the thinking. For context I am feeling emotional generally at present as I have a close relative very ill in hospital but even so…
Someone who I thought was a friend, we have a shared interest which resulted in a lit of contact over 3 or 4 years, very pleasant and I also offered support with some difficulties she was having that I have expertise in. I had to leave the setting we met in 2 years ago not through choice but ill health but have remained in touch with several members, mainly exchanging messages on FB.
A few months ago I realized she had removed me from her friend list on FB. Ok totally her perogative as I know some people have culls.
But then today I was out shopping and as I glanced around I saw her, was literally just about to smile/ wave, she immediately clocked me and literally turned around 180 degrees and marched off!!!!
I was shocked to be honest! So rude!!
For context my FB is kept cheerful no politics or anything even mildly offensiveto be found so it cant be that. I am just so hurt and confused!

OP posts:
MovingBird123 · 04/05/2025 15:09

Well, you're asking for some understanding because of feeling emotional due to personal reasons. Who knows what sort of day she's been having. Maybe she just didn't fancy talking to someone. I every now and then delete people I don't really speak to from FB. I wouldn't take it personally.

Alternatively she could be offended that you kept in touch with others and not her?

BeesTrees · 04/05/2025 15:18

I think social media gives a false impression of who your friends are.
In years gone by you would have left the setting and probably wouldn’t have stayed in touch. Facebook gives a false impression that you have remained closer to people than you actually have.
At a guess I would say She has probably deleted you in a “people I no longer see” cull and then was embarrassed when she spotted you in real life knowing that she had deleted you.

Original poster
Hurryupretirement · 04/05/2025 15:26

Thanks for the replies. I suppose for me personally I don’t really remove people unless there is a specific reason such as seeing offensive posts ( only happened once) or on one occasion as the person was really rude to me irl. So i suppose I just found it confusing.

OP posts:
PassingStranger · 04/05/2025 15:28

Bloody Facebook.
She's not interested in you OP.
Forget her and move on.

Original poster
Hurryupretirement · 04/05/2025 15:30

PassingStranger · 04/05/2025 15:28

Bloody Facebook.
She's not interested in you OP.
Forget her and move on.

Yes I guess your right. For me Fb isn’t deep and meaningful its just nice to post now and again and see other peoples posts.
Its going to be embarrassing now as I will actually be returning to the setting soon!!

OP posts:
PrettyPuss · 04/05/2025 15:42

She might have been embarrassed to see you because she had deleted you from her FB. I just noticed last week that someone I thought I got on well with had deleted me. I went to message her and realised we were no longer friends, but we still have quite a few mutual friends. No idea why she deleted me. She used to be quite close to a good friend of mine and they fell out so it could be that.

People will advise you to brush it off but unfortunately it does hurt even though rationally we know it shouldn’t be a big deal.

Justmovehousethen · 04/05/2025 15:57

I’ve only ever removed one person from Facebook and completely blank her now in person because…

I always spoke to her when I saw her out and about, I really liked her.

My DD had a minor accident instead of messaging/calling me to tell me, she called someone else and they called me. She knew the someone else no more than she knew me. The someone else is a massive gossip and stirrer and would have exaggerated what was actually a very minor thing event.

Cucy · 04/05/2025 15:58

I would assume this is more about her, than anything personal towards you.

Perhaps she is going through a lot and wants space from as many people as she can.

RedToothBrush · 04/05/2025 15:59

YABU

Why do you want to be friends with a twat?

(Keep this in mind, rather than being hurt by it)

IndigoViolent · 04/05/2025 16:13

People here will tell you Facebook is meaningless and that people have “culls” left right and centre, but I don’t agree. To me, actively choosing to not even see casual updates from someone’s life is a bit of a “fuck you”. It’s very much a choice.

Given that she also publicly ignored you, she’s definitely upset about something. As a PP said, maybe she feels like you’ve made the effort to stay in closer touch with others from the group.

Original poster
Hurryupretirement · 04/05/2025 16:16

IndigoViolent · 04/05/2025 16:13

People here will tell you Facebook is meaningless and that people have “culls” left right and centre, but I don’t agree. To me, actively choosing to not even see casual updates from someone’s life is a bit of a “fuck you”. It’s very much a choice.

Given that she also publicly ignored you, she’s definitely upset about something. As a PP said, maybe she feels like you’ve made the effort to stay in closer touch with others from the group.

The thing is I only keep in touch with the others on FB too! Just friendly comments and the odd direct message, no different to my interactions with her 😞

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 04/05/2025 16:22

I don't understand why anyone is defending the ex friend's behaviour in the shop. It is never OK to blank someone like that unless there is a very good reason, and there doesn't appear to be one unless there is a back story.

Original poster
Hurryupretirement · 04/05/2025 16:25

RampantIvy · 04/05/2025 16:22

I don't understand why anyone is defending the ex friend's behaviour in the shop. It is never OK to blank someone like that unless there is a very good reason, and there doesn't appear to be one unless there is a back story.

Absolutely no backstory.

OP posts:
DaniO2 · 04/05/2025 16:27

Have you posted or reposted something on Facebook that she might have disagreed with? Maybe politics or women's rights etc. Some people feel very strongly and might delete based on that. Definitely sounds to me like it was a deliberate action and choice based on how she reacted in real life too.

It does seem silly people get huffy about differences in opinion but some take stuff like that very personally.

Ontobetterthings · 04/05/2025 16:28

Think you are overthinking it. People do culls all the time. I just deleted 200 people who I longer keep in touch with. In the shop she may not have seen you as well. Don't worry about it and get on with your day.

Mary46 · 04/05/2025 16:29

Very strange op but I def find people flaky and weird. Met one through secondary school she couldnt wait catch up. I gave my dates. No reply. I cant be assed now.

Trickabrick · 04/05/2025 16:32

I recently culled a lot of people from Facebook who I no longer have a connection with - it’s nothing personal, it’s just I’m not interested in the lives of people I most likely will never see again unless I bump into them randomly. Equally, I don’t like sharing my updates on Facebook with people I don’t, or very rarely, interact with any more.

Dangermoo · 04/05/2025 16:33

You didn't keep in touch with her but others from the group on FB? Why should she do all the running?

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 04/05/2025 16:40

People here will tell you Facebook is meaningless and that people have “culls” left right and centre, but I don’t agree. To me, actively choosing to not even see casual updates from someone’s life is a bit of a “fuck you”. It’s very much a choice.

Of course it's a choice, but a "fuck you"? You are only thinking you are more interesting than you are. If you are no longer in contact, why keeping you in a friends list? It makes no sense.

IndigoViolent · 04/05/2025 16:42

If you’ve actively fallen out with someone, that’s one thing. But when you just don’t see someone that often? I’d say it makes perfect sense to keep a casual form of connection available.

AnnaL94 · 04/05/2025 16:43

IndigoViolent · 04/05/2025 16:13

People here will tell you Facebook is meaningless and that people have “culls” left right and centre, but I don’t agree. To me, actively choosing to not even see casual updates from someone’s life is a bit of a “fuck you”. It’s very much a choice.

Given that she also publicly ignored you, she’s definitely upset about something. As a PP said, maybe she feels like you’ve made the effort to stay in closer touch with others from the group.

To me, actively choosing to not even see casual updates from someone’s life is a bit of a “fuck you”.

It really isn’t.

I don’t use Facebook nowadays but when I did, and I removed people off my “Friends List” it was due to only wanting close friends and family on there. I didn’t want random acquaintances and old colleagues on there. Facebook became a thing when I was at high school and I had hundreds and hundreds of random people on my fiends list to begin with.

There’s nothing “fuck you” about it at all. People are so entitled, easily offended and too engrossed with social media these days it’s crazy.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 04/05/2025 16:45

IndigoViolent · 04/05/2025 16:42

If you’ve actively fallen out with someone, that’s one thing. But when you just don’t see someone that often? I’d say it makes perfect sense to keep a casual form of connection available.

What for?

I keep in touch with my friends, but a random mum I used to speak with on the school run, or a friendly work colleague that I haven't spoken to in 5 years? We all just moved on, no need to keep them on my social media.

IndigoViolent · 04/05/2025 16:47

AnnaL94 · 04/05/2025 16:43

To me, actively choosing to not even see casual updates from someone’s life is a bit of a “fuck you”.

It really isn’t.

I don’t use Facebook nowadays but when I did, and I removed people off my “Friends List” it was due to only wanting close friends and family on there. I didn’t want random acquaintances and old colleagues on there. Facebook became a thing when I was at high school and I had hundreds and hundreds of random people on my fiends list to begin with.

There’s nothing “fuck you” about it at all. People are so entitled, easily offended and too engrossed with social media these days it’s crazy.

Show quote history

Well, that’s your opinion. I disagree.

Original poster
Hurryupretirement · 04/05/2025 16:49

DaniO2 · 04/05/2025 16:27

Have you posted or reposted something on Facebook that she might have disagreed with? Maybe politics or women's rights etc. Some people feel very strongly and might delete based on that. Definitely sounds to me like it was a deliberate action and choice based on how she reacted in real life too.

It does seem silly people get huffy about differences in opinion but some take stuff like that very personally.

No!! I actively avoid anything like that and don’t post on other peoples political or even slightly contentious posts.

OP posts:
IndigoViolent · 04/05/2025 16:49

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 04/05/2025 16:45

What for?

I keep in touch with my friends, but a random mum I used to speak with on the school run, or a friendly work colleague that I haven't spoken to in 5 years? We all just moved on, no need to keep them on my social media.

Show quote history

But it’s not like you have to pay to have them on there, or that there’s a limit on your friend numbers. What does it cost you to occasionally see an update from people you like, even if you don’t actively make the effort to see them in person?