Feeling upset. Deleted off facebook and actively blanked in a shop.

[Hurryupretirement]

I’m feeling a bit upset by it and need to try and understand the thinking. For context I am feeling emotional generally at present as I have a close relative very ill in hospital but even so…
Someone who I thought was a friend, we have a shared interest which resulted in a lit of contact over 3 or 4 years, very pleasant and I also offered support with some difficulties she was having that I have expertise in. I had to leave the setting we met in 2 years ago not through choice but ill health but have remained in touch with several members, mainly exchanging messages on FB.
A few months ago I realized she had removed me from her friend list on FB. Ok totally her perogative as I know some people have culls.
But then today I was out shopping and as I glanced around I saw her, was literally just about to smile/ wave, she immediately clocked me and literally turned around 180 degrees and marched off!!!!
I was shocked to be honest! So rude!!
For context my FB is kept cheerful no politics or anything even mildly offensiveto be found so it cant be that. I am just so hurt and confused!

Christ, I’m not suggesting making them the subject of your dissertation.

They’re not saying that.

They’re basically saying it’s more healthy to not take it so personally. Because, in most scenarios there’s nothing personal in it at all.

The majority of normal, sensible, reasonable people don’t want to share personal updates and photos of their families with people they don’t see or speak to anymore online.

It’s silly and immature to refer to this as a “fuck you”. Bonkers actually.

When I was in a night school class with some people I added them on Facebook and we kept up to date with each other. 25 years later, I don't know them. It doesn't matter whether they are married, divorced, have children or took up furniture restoration on Sunday mornings.

It's hard enough keeping track of actual friends' changes in situations. Why would I want details of people I have no contact with clogging up my Facebook feed?

I don't get huffy when people remove me, either. It's Facebook, not real life. It's a means of contact if you want it and pointless if you don't.

I had a group of friends that didn’t support me in divorce. I have bumped into three of them recently, one I will talk too for reasons personal to her. The other two I have totally blanked one was this week, she saw me went to say hi and I walked away. The other lady I was in a lift with and turned my back to her. I’ve absolutely no interest in exchanging any conversation or polite chit chat.
as horrible it may be for you she feels as I do for whatever reason and has chosen to move away from any friendship with you

It’s silly and immature to refer to this as a “fuck you”. Bonkers actually.

😆😆😆

She sounds cold and heartless. Who needs a friend like that!! Don’t bother with her again she
doesn’t deserve you as a pal

Can you just text her and ask her
say something along the lines of:

’Hi Jane, saw you in town and you seemed to ignore me, just wondering what that was about ?’

I never remove people from Facebook either. One thing is clear though. It is definitely her, not you. I hope you understand this. She could have many reasons for what she has done and you may never find out, but - unless she corners you and tells you about something you have done to annoy her - you should try to put it behind you and get on with making sure you do things that make you feel good so that you don't care about the actions of fair weather friends.

Yep, I kinda of agree. I have the occasional cull. (But not when I get to a certain amount of friends! 😬) I delete/unfriend people who have had ZERO contact with me for more than a year. I mean, no 'likes' or comments from them, or reactions of any kind to any of my posts or pics. (Usually ex neighbours, ex colleagues, random acquaintances that I met at a hobby group or through other people/friends/neighbours, or DH's ex work colleagues ...)

If I have had no communication with people for a while, I do delete them. Never been asked why by anyone, or had anyone else ask me why (on their behalf IYSWIM.) So I don't think they were bothered. (Can't have been otherwise why did they not make more effort?) And yes, I did make effort with them by the way/like their posts etc...

I have also been 'unfriended' myself in the past by 4 or 5 people, (over around a 3-4 year timespan,) but again, these were people I had no communication with/hadn't acknowledged me for ages/over a year, and I was close to deleting them/unfriending anyway, so I wasn't bothered.

I struggle when I see people in public settings out of context/where I haven't expected to see them. I always have. Feel slightly panicky and usually try to skulk away unseen.

Yes, this HAS sometimes caused offence in the past and I can't really explain why I feel/react that way. I'm certainly not mad at them. Maybe your erstwhile friend/acquaintance is similar, OP?

I don’t cull people off Facebook, I just move them to a restricted list where they don’t see updates. Less awkward when I inevitably bump into them. I rarely want to cut anyone completely off and feel a bit disappointed if I see I’ve been culled.

Oh dear. I think perhaps I am (like) the friend in this situation. 😬🙈 I mean not actually the friend but I do this. I don’t mean it to come across as rude I am just actually really introverted and don’t really want friends. I hate making chit chat with people. If I’m involved in something I feel obliged to add people to my (very tiny) Facebook if they request me and I’ll get on with them for the duration of whatever it is I’m involved in, but then when that ends I slowly drift off and after a while I’ll unfriend them - mainly because I like to keep my Facebook very small, about 20 friends and close family, and I mainly use facebook for health groups - it’s complex but I use them to network / help others with the same rare conditions as me. I don’t want to scroll through pages of peoples random posts and feel I have to censor what I write or whatever. So I remove people. It’s not personal. If I then bumped into them locally I’d probably be a bit awkward and embarrassed. Perhaps pretend I hadn’t seen them. But it’s mainly because I just don’t want that level of interaction, I want to just do what I need to do and get out of the shop or whatever. I really hate standing around chatting.

So I fully accept that may come across as rude, and perhaps it is. But it’s not intended to be rude on a personal level. At all. I just don’t want to be friends with anyone!

You think what you want, but when people tell you specifically that they did NOT say "fuck you" and you insist on pretending they did, then it's on you.

Some people get offended for the dumbest reasons.

I had a friend get upset because I didn't respond to her posting one of those "my true friends will respond to this post" type things that make the rounds.

Well the FB feed is rubbish at times and sometimes I don't see things that my closest long term friends are posting at all. Sometimes they show up 2 weeks after they posted. So I'm then dead to them cuz I'm obviously ignoring them and am not a true friend!!! Their loss and if they're that shallow who needs them?

I don't take Facebook seriously, just pop on there once in a blue moon to look at photos, same with other social media, closed my Twitter account because who needs to have a dip in the sewer and only look at things that amuse me on Instagram.

I sympathise - it's horrible being blanked. I was once blanked by my own brother on the street. Arsehole!

She obviously felt embarrassed when she saw you as she didn't really have anything to say. She just simply deleted a bunch of people from a site she may not use much anymore or only fit close family. FB is falling out of favour a lot so many people are just reducing their list of friends and then leaving.
I've been dropped by my best friend (I thought) of 30 years recently. It's very hurtful but I try not to take it personally.

Urgh, I HATE this type of thing! And people who post this kind of thing ARE likely to get 'unfriended' by me! 'Only my true friends will repost this' or 'only the kindest people will repost this' etc...

I also HATE (usually women) on Facebook who post an 'inspirational quote' about strong and fierce women, and @ (flag up) around 50-70 women (but leave all the others out, could be 50-100 or more excluded.) And they say 'don't be offended if I've not named you...' 🙄 Ummm, I'm not. I really really don't care!' It is as annoying as fuck though, so I do tend to 'unfollow' them (not unfriend,) so none of their tedious and dire posts ever come up.

I blank people sometimes when I just don't want to get stuck in a pointless conversation, and I'm sure they do the same to me.

Yesterday I was in Sainsburys and I saw my ex boss with his kids. We parted on very amicable terms and I have nothing but good things to think about him, but I just didn't want to get trapped into that situation where you have to talk and catch up for 5 minutes when neither of you really wants to even though you find each other perfectly nice, likeable people! So I quickly went to the other side of the shop (it was one of the big ones) and did my shopping in reverse order so that I wouldn't keep running into him in the aisles. I wouldn't say I'm an introvert or have social anxiety either, I just wanted to let us both off the hook!

Hell, even some people I consider friends and go out of my way to socialise with, I might duck into another aisle if I haven't got time to stop and natter.

@BatchCookBabe Oh yes, the “only the pure and special will repost this” bollocks. It might as well be an old style chain letter - “those of you who don’t are doomed to hell”

"If you’re invested in the lives of random and past acquaintances on Facebook then you seriously need less screen time and maybe a fulfilling hobby. Not just aimed at you, it’s to anyone who who thinks like this."

This is part of being human. We are social creatures and do have an interest in people even if we don't know them well. It's why social media can be quite addictive because it hacks into that part of us. It's also why we read stories and watch TV shows about people who don't even exist. It is a pretty vital part of what makes us human and empathetic along with the negative stuff that comes alongside it like gossip etc. Anyone missing this is quite unusual. I'm not sure it's a good thing.

It is a bit odd to 'cull' a friend list. Especially as most of the stuff I get shown on Facebook these days is adverts or pages I don't even follow.

No, as I said in my post, you can choose to take that way if you wish.

It just seems a shame to put the worst possible spin on it. Especially when it possibly (probably) wasn't meant that way.

Up to you.

Just because we as humans are social creatures, it doesn’t give people the right to have access to our lives and news updates via social media.

If someone wants to “cull” their Facebook “Friends” list then they have absolutely have the right to do that to protect theirs and their families privacy.

Like you said, if people are intrigued by other people’s lives then they can go and watch some vlogs of influencers or turn on the news, or open up a magazine. Not pry on ordinary people’s social media accounts.

If people get offended by an acquaintance removing them from social media then they need to go and touch grass.

I think "culling" friends is a bit odd. If someone has done something to upset you, or creep you out that's completely different. But cutting people off for no reason does go against most people's idea of social behaviour.

It's not prying. It is just how SM works, tapping into how humans are usually interested in others.

if you are removed as someone's friends on SM I think it's natural to wonder why or think that you might have done something to offend them. Doesn't mean they need to "touch grass" it's just a human reaction.

Of course I don't mean you have the right to know the ins and outs of someone's life. I didn't intend to imply that.

Yep! 😆