Feeling upset. Deleted off facebook and actively blanked in a shop.

[Hurryupretirement]

I’m feeling a bit upset by it and need to try and understand the thinking. For context I am feeling emotional generally at present as I have a close relative very ill in hospital but even so…
Someone who I thought was a friend, we have a shared interest which resulted in a lit of contact over 3 or 4 years, very pleasant and I also offered support with some difficulties she was having that I have expertise in. I had to leave the setting we met in 2 years ago not through choice but ill health but have remained in touch with several members, mainly exchanging messages on FB.
A few months ago I realized she had removed me from her friend list on FB. Ok totally her perogative as I know some people have culls.
But then today I was out shopping and as I glanced around I saw her, was literally just about to smile/ wave, she immediately clocked me and literally turned around 180 degrees and marched off!!!!
I was shocked to be honest! So rude!!
For context my FB is kept cheerful no politics or anything even mildly offensiveto be found so it cant be that. I am just so hurt and confused!

Are you absolutely sure she actually recognised you? Especially out of context in a shop.

Hairstyles change and we all start to look a bit different as the years pass!

Its also going to be embarrassing, for her, not me, as I am now well enough to return to the setting we initially met in, I wonder how she will feel having to interact with me having been so petty!

I agree it might be embarrassment. I deleted someone ,our kids had gone to school together and a group of mums socialised occasionally but this had long stopped and the kids grown up.We didn't speak on fb and never saw her. Absolutely typical ,after I deleted her, I bumped into her at the supermarket the following week .I didn't ignore her and we chattted but was cringing inwardly .

Unfortunately I am sure, she clocked me and looked startled!

I never delete anyone on Facebook for the simple reason that I almost never look at it, and when I do, it's to find something specific, so its no problem to me to have reams of unread nonsense. If I actually used it then all the absolute shit and "casual updates from somebody's life" that I see when I do glance at it on occasions would render it completely useless for any purpose. Therefore maybe the friend uses it and doesn't want it clogged with stuff from people she doesn't really give a shit about.

It cost me nothing, but I just.. don't care and am not interested?

I don't expect them to be interested in my life either, and I really don't see the point of them getting updates about me anyway.

What's the point in seeing updates from basically strangers? Who cares?

For me personally I don't want random old colleagues or people I met on hen dos from a decade ago especially when I put photos of my kids on there. It's being careful.

Read the book ‘let them’, and then don’t give it a second thought.

You have 2 choices @Hurryupretirement Contact her on FB - I assume she hasn't blocked you - and ask her why she has unfriended you and why she ignored you when you saw her. Or block her, ignore her, forget her. Gonna be hard though if you are returning to the same 'setting' that you were both at and she is going to be there.

What you do depends on how bothered you are. You sound quite upset by it (understandably,) so ask her what's up.

Why add them in the first place then?

That is next level paranoia.

I have a friend who doesn’t like to have more than 100 Facebook friends and will regularly cull people. It’s not done maliciously although some mutual friends have taken offence in the past assuming it’s been done with ill intentions, but she just doesn’t see it as a big deal. This woman may just have a different attitude towards Facebook to you, you would only remove someone as a friend if they were offensive but some people will remove people they don’t really interact with or have lost contact with and don’t like lots of acquaintances on there.

As a one off I wouldn’t get upset about her avoiding you, I regularly pretend I haven’t seen people if I see them out shopping as I usually just can’t be bothered with small talk, it’s not because I don’t like them personally I just can’t be bothered with it and hate seeing people out of context. You may be reading more into this than is there.

I have a friend who doesn’t like to have more than 100 Facebook friends and will regularly cull people.

That's bonkers 😆

Another thought, what shop was it? I was caught in a conversation in Boots trying to casually hold the anusol behind my back... Maybe she was up to something embarrassing?

Because you were interested in updates at the time you added them but life has moved on and now you’re not?’ Is that really so hard to comprehend? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve made loads of connections over the years through various activities - mine and my children’s - but simply don’t care enough about keeping updated on people I’m unlikely to ever have a reason to spend time with / speak to again. It’s pure nosiness to maintain a connection on Facebook with them, and I’m just not nosey enough to want to see information about what are now basically strangers. It’s nothing personal or a reflection on how I feel about their personality, I just don’t use Facebook in that way.

Are you certain that she actually saw you in the shop before she turned around and left ?

Because you were interested in updates at the time you added them but life has moved on and now you’re not?’ Is that really so hard to comprehend? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've explained why I find it odd.

I’m not expecting people to be on tenterhooks over every detail of the lives of people they worked with in 2008. I just don’t see why you’d actively cut them off. Surely you’d be at least mildly interested in big news (marriage, babies) even if you scroll past their holiday photos?

because at the time we talked, we did the school run together, we were in touch about a kids party or other. Then we moved on?

It's not that difficult to understand. I don't have just intimate close friends on FB, but I don't have list of random strangers as "friends" either.

Maybe she didn't want actually see you?
I have had a few people tell me I've previously ignored them... When I was actually without my glasses and can barely see! I truly never saw them!!

Surely you’d be at least mildly interested in big news (marriage, babies) even if you scroll past their holiday photos?

Really not.

I probably wasn't that interested in the first place, but I don't use FB to specifically spy on people either. I am interested in my friends, people I vaguely know, not really.

They’re not strangers though, are they?

Surely you’d be at least mildly interested in big news (marriage, babies) even if you scroll past their holiday photos?

Oh hell no😂

I only care about marriages and babies and life updates from my family and close friends. Likewise, I wouldn’t want to share personal achievements and news with people that I haven’t seen in years and that mean nothing to me.

If you’re invested in the lives of random and past acquaintances on Facebook then you seriously need less screen time and maybe a fulfilling hobby. Not just aimed at you, it’s to anyone who who thinks like this.

Nope, I’m really not interested in knowing that someone who did a similar job to me in 2008, or whose child went to the same club as my child for a couple of years is now a mum. You’ve just proved my point with your reply, I’m just not nosey (mildly interested as you put it!) enough.

People are telling you that when they remove people they don't mean 'fuck you'. If I removed you, it would not be a 'fuck you'. Despite this, you are choosing to interpret it as a 'fuck you'.

Of course, you can choose to take it that way if you wish, but life is so much nicer when you don't always assume the worst. Honestly.

People are telling you that when they remove people they don't mean 'fuck you'. If I removed you, it would not be a 'fuck you'. Despite this, you are choosing to interpret it as a 'fuck you'.

So because that’s what you think, that’s what I should think?