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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want other people’s children in our garden?

97 replies

Tina3589 · 04/05/2025 13:40

I have 3 daughters aged 6-2 and I’m heavily pregnant at the moment. We have spent a lot of time and money recently on our garden and getting new garden toys/equipment for the kids- I feel like we will be reliant on the garden over the next few months since I’ll either be pregnant or have a newborn.
My neighbour has a child slightly older than my eldest. She constantly asks to come in and play. She will stand at the back gate shouting through etc. the thing is- I don’t really want to watch someone else’s child. Her parents don’t watch her while she is out and she can be quite full on. One of my children is autistic and I feel like with such young kids and being pregnant, I’ve already got my hands full So I’ve just been saying no whenever she asks to come in. I can tell this is annoying her parents though. They have stopped saying hello or acknowledging us when we see them.

Am I being really horrible?

OP posts:
Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 04/05/2025 13:42

Sorry not today.
And repeat.
But think on a new playmate will be a welcome distraction (for your dc) when you are tied up with your newborn.. Bf in the garden and let them loose..
*the dc not your boobs

.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 04/05/2025 13:44

You are pregnant and have three kids under 6 and they want to give you another kid to look after? They are CF.

SeaToSki · 04/05/2025 13:44

Get a taller gate she cant see over or through

Comedycook · 04/05/2025 13:44

Yanbu...who cares if they say hello to you anyway.

NicolaCasanova · 04/05/2025 13:45

No, if the neighbour child had an accident it would be on you and you don’t need that added worry. The neighbour needs to parent their child (presumably their child also has a garden?)

tinygingermum · 04/05/2025 13:46

I feel your pain, we had a neighbour like this when my son was younger. All you can do is keep saying no, they will eventually get the message, even though it will drive you mad until they do.

Original poster
Tina3589 · 04/05/2025 13:51

NicolaCasanova · 04/05/2025 13:45

No, if the neighbour child had an accident it would be on you and you don’t need that added worry. The neighbour needs to parent their child (presumably their child also has a garden?)

Yes they have a garden too- however they have nothing in it for her to play with. So she gets bored.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tina3589 · 04/05/2025 13:53

Thanks everyone- wasn’t sure if the hormones and tiredness were making me be a bit horrible.

OP posts:
MoveOnTheCards · 04/05/2025 13:56

Tina3589 · 04/05/2025 13:51

Yes they have a garden too- however they have nothing in it for her to play with. So she gets bored.

Show quote history

That’s up to them to sort. You could offer details of a supplier you got some of your stuff from. Might be a bit pass agg (‘little Jenny is obviously keen on our garden equipment, this is where we got it from…’) but if they’re not asking you directly for her to come and play on it opening up the chance for you to be more direct in a ‘are you having a laugh? I have 3 now and another on the way!’, it might help.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 04/05/2025 14:03

Personally I would be a big more accommodating because that child might be exactly what you need when when new baby is born to keep DS happy and spend more time in the garden. Also when things are busy you can call in a favour and ask the other child's mum to take your eldest for a few hours. To be honest when neighbours kids played in my garden I never 'minded' them I just ignored them, that was the whole point, the kids entertain each other and it became a bit of a break for me. But of course it's entirely up to you to do as you wish, you shouldn't feel either decision is wrong. Either way I think you need to tell that child she needs to stop asking because it's bad manners, at 7 they don't realise they are being a pain until it's made very clear.

kiwiane · 04/05/2025 14:51

It’s not the responsibility of those with larger families to entertain single children - the child shouldn’t be bothering you and I think it’s best you fall out with the parents otherwise they’ll be at your house constantly.

parietal · 04/05/2025 14:57

Send your oldest over to play in her garden.

more importantly, have a conversation with the parents. Say “I’m not confident I can look after so many kids so that’s why I’m telling your kid not to come in. But if she wants my kid to come over, my kid could bring a toy (name a portable one).”

that could be useful to you when the baby is little and your older ones want to play. And will tell our if the neighbours are CFs or just a bit dim and don’t realise the challenge of looking after lots of kids.

Original poster
Tina3589 · 04/05/2025 23:04

parietal · 04/05/2025 14:57

Send your oldest over to play in her garden.

more importantly, have a conversation with the parents. Say “I’m not confident I can look after so many kids so that’s why I’m telling your kid not to come in. But if she wants my kid to come over, my kid could bring a toy (name a portable one).”

that could be useful to you when the baby is little and your older ones want to play. And will tell our if the neighbours are CFs or just a bit dim and don’t realise the challenge of looking after lots of kids.

I don’t know how comfortable I would feel with my eldest going into their garden- as they never actually keep an eye on their little one. They seem to be elsewhere in the house. But I do think I should have a chat with them.

OP posts:
shalamakooky · 04/05/2025 23:09

Haven’t you posted this before.

notwavingbutsinking · 04/05/2025 23:43

For me it would completely depend on whether my own DC enjoyed this child's company. If they all really like having her there, play nicely together, and it doesn't upset the dynamic (for example, your younger child isn't getting pushed out because the child is trying to monopolise your eldest DD) then I'd be more inclined to be welcoming. If it makes life harder for you, then I wouldn't be.

If she does regularly come into your garden it might be worth being explicit with her parents that you will not always be able to supervise, and she is playing on the equipment at her own risk. Put it in a text message if you can. And perhaps add some ground rules eg she should only knock at certain times.

NC28 · 04/05/2025 23:45

Why has nobody suggested squirting water through the fence when she’s shouting through? Disappointed, MN! 😄

Carpetty · 04/05/2025 23:48

Absolutely not.
They have to be supervised and you have enough on your plate.
The parents sound like CF's, so just ignore.

When we had a huge trampoline I could depend on my children to go in one at a time and stick to it.
Add another child into the mix and I had to be there and supervise.
Not possible all the time, so it was no unless it suited me.

HappyEggster · 05/05/2025 00:03

You're not horrible at all, her parents need to give her some garden toys and get a fucking grip. I wouldn't worry if they have stopped saying hi, sounds like a pair of users anyway!

mathanxiety · 05/05/2025 01:58

Have a chat with the parents.

Tell them you're sorry you can't have their child in to play as you have your hands full and they're about to become even fuller.

Get a bigger gate.

MissMoan · 05/05/2025 02:54

Can you tell her to go use her own garden?
I agree with other posters, you have more than enough on your plate, and if she fell or injured herself in your garden, the parents would be the first to point the finger at you.

Eenameenadeeka · 05/05/2025 03:21

I don't think you are unreasonable. If it was something that could be reciprocal where sometimes they'd watch yours it might be helpful when you have baby but it sounds like that won't be the case if they don't watch their own child. And your hands are full enough already.

Fraaances · 05/05/2025 04:08

“No - ask your parents to take you to the park and stop shouting over the fence.”

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/05/2025 05:31

If this child isn't a pal of your kid - no!

They're just using you like a public park/free child care!

When I was a young child I always had my friends in from street... As an adult I can see, their parents were utter CF...! . They'd go off for the day and leave the kids in our garden without speaking to my my!

This would only be obvious when my mum tried to take these 6 year olds home as they'd been in our garden for several hours!

ZekeZeke · 05/05/2025 05:41

Her parents are CFs. You have your hands full with your own children and pregnancy. Their daughters loneliness/need for company isn't your problem. It might be different if she was lovely and the girls played well together but from your OP, that's not the case.

As a priority I would change the gate or put something high against it so that she can't peer through.

I would keep saying not today. If and when you see the CFs, hold your head high!

mellongoose · 05/05/2025 06:14

Poor kid! Imagine being the child whose parents don’t engage, looking for someone to play with, only to be told ‘no’ repeatedly.

If your kids enjoy this child’s company I would accommodate. At that age, they entertain each other.