To not want other people’s children in our garden?

[Tina3589]

I have 3 daughters aged 6-2 and I’m heavily pregnant at the moment. We have spent a lot of time and money recently on our garden and getting new garden toys/equipment for the kids- I feel like we will be reliant on the garden over the next few months since I’ll either be pregnant or have a newborn.
My neighbour has a child slightly older than my eldest. She constantly asks to come in and play. She will stand at the back gate shouting through etc. the thing is- I don’t really want to watch someone else’s child. Her parents don’t watch her while she is out and she can be quite full on. One of my children is autistic and I feel like with such young kids and being pregnant, I’ve already got my hands full So I’ve just been saying no whenever she asks to come in. I can tell this is annoying her parents though. They have stopped saying hello or acknowledging us when we see them.

Am I being really horrible?

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

I would tell them that they need to instruct their daughter not to stand at the gate calling because you are not in a position to supervise her.

If you feel uncomfortable doing so, maybe a friend or relative could do so?

We do have the kids friends over for play dates and stuff like that- I don’t mind if they are having fun and socialising. It’s just this particular issue of it just being assumed this little girl can just pitch up.

that is absolutely wild!

We have actually just had a conversation earlier about maybe using some sort of covering on the gate and adding panels of some sort to the fencing.

Yup. They called us irresponsible and uncaring for not watching their children. Then we were selfish for no longer allowing it. We stopped speaking to them, fortunately they moved and we got neighbours without children.
There only 8 cottages on our lane, and only one with 3 under 5 children who are lovely, but we wouldn't risk the relationship by allowing their children in when they're older.

I’d take it as a positive that they’ve stopped speaking to you tbh. They can’t be bothered to watch their kid or provide an entertaining environment for them and that’s not your problem. The main reason I want a garden is so my autistic child can play outside whilst avoiding other peoples children 😂

Are your kids friends? If yes send yours around to knock for the other or get the parents number and say you notice she's been wanting to come and play. That's fine sometimes but other times you can't accommodate. Could the parents please message to ask if it's convenient first to save you having to say no to the child? Also then you can be clear on sometimes ( and when you know them better and the kids are older do the ' they're in their way to yours, send babytina back for tea in an hour please'.

My kids don’t really see her as a friend. I think they find it quite stressful when she is here as she is very rough with their toys, bosses then about etc.

Just say no. They might start entertaining her more when they don't have "go play next door Sally" as an option

Sorry not today as I am too busy to supervise you but if your mummy wants to come and stay and watch you that’s ok!

OP, you really need to put your foot down here. Your DCs’ home should be where they can safely exhale, not be terrorised by a rough, authoritative neighbour! “Sorry Sally, that doesn’t work for us today.”

We solved having any dc round when I had 3 under 4....
We got a dpuppy.
A rottweiler..
My gate was firmly locked... Dc played front lawn only. All open plan so had dc on the drive with boxes of dolls etc... Bliss..

Exactly this!!!

Bloody #BeKind shit!

The OP needs to be kind to her own kids and herself! They're her priority.

As PPs have suggested just say "No not today sweetheart" every day!

We have this very same scenario, for past two years kids in the street come into our garden because we have toys/trampoline etc but my kids are never invited back and they don't care how long the child is over for or if we are working outside or cutting hedges etc. One time the parents brought lollies out for their child as they went shopping and my kids had to watch on despite me constantly providing snacks for this other child. we have tried to distance ourselves but this kid peers into our fence/window/driveway etc. My kids told me today that this kid told them that their older sibling had said don't play with them (my kids) as they are f*ING brats yet still in our trampoline for ages.My kids were really hurt as was I as we constantly excuse this kids bad manners and rudeness and that's the thanks we get. Stick to your gut instinct some people will take a mile of you give them an inch.

No you are being completely reasonable. I’m heavily pregnant too and looking after my own is hard enough, I don’t need anymore to take responsibility over. To be honest even when I’m not pregnant, I really dislike other children in my house or garden anyway. For some reason the ones I know always seem to get over excited and end up destroying something of my sons or arguing over a toy. It really gets on my nerves.

Also from experience it’s normally the kids always asking to come round that are the complete nightmares! I’d install a tall gate so she can’t peep over.

This. If they do play well then I would lap this up. Id feel bad that a wee one was feeling sad about this. If they dont play well, my reasoning would be that you cant be a referee, so no. Can they take turns between the gardens. Often an outsider can help your own kids to squabble less. They might pair up.

My NDNs were GP age and looked after their DGD in the holidays sometimes when mine were small (she was about a year or two older than my oldest). Quite often NDN would ask if she could come and play with my DC which I did agree to. GP's didn't have garden toys etc like we did (and probably were worn out trying to entertain her!) I did only have two DC though and wasn't pregnant. She was also a nice sensible well behaved little girl so no trouble.

Oh my god, no you are not. You have enough on your plate! One more child definitely does make a difference and you haven't spent all that money for others to trash it or use it as their own personalplay park.

There's always one family on the street that will happily let their child go round others, but never allows other children at theirs! They sound like that kind.

To be honest it's part of childhood going to play in each other's gardens.
I feel abit sorry for her, she's just being a normal child wanting to play.
You never said whether your children were happy with it.
If they are maybe let her over sometimes.
We all liked to play as kids.

If your DC get on well with her I'd be absolutely fine with it, with the caveat that I'd be telling the mum that you aren't supervising them. When I was younger you didn't ask permission, you just went in and played, and that was normal. I will never forget reading about an influencer in COVID (who lived in a first floor flat) saying her DD would watch the neighbours DC underneath them playing in their paddling pool, and feeling really sad that she didn't have a garden to do that. I could never watch a child looking out the window and not inviting them to play, that just seems very mean.

No! Not mean just wants to look after her own children and not be unpaid childcare for a cheeky neighbour!