To not want other people’s children in our garden?

[Tina3589]

I have 3 daughters aged 6-2 and I’m heavily pregnant at the moment. We have spent a lot of time and money recently on our garden and getting new garden toys/equipment for the kids- I feel like we will be reliant on the garden over the next few months since I’ll either be pregnant or have a newborn.
My neighbour has a child slightly older than my eldest. She constantly asks to come in and play. She will stand at the back gate shouting through etc. the thing is- I don’t really want to watch someone else’s child. Her parents don’t watch her while she is out and she can be quite full on. One of my children is autistic and I feel like with such young kids and being pregnant, I’ve already got my hands full So I’ve just been saying no whenever she asks to come in. I can tell this is annoying her parents though. They have stopped saying hello or acknowledging us when we see them.

Am I being really horrible?

She may not want to BF ..

You haven't said whether your kids enjoy playing with the neighbour. That would be the deciding factor for me. At that age she doesn't need watching constantly. Why not let the older ones play while you focus on the younger ones?

On threads like this people are always trying to convince the OP that they should let the child in. She's said she doesn't want to and that's her right.

OP I couldn't care less if my CF neighbour who wanted me to watch their kid, without even asking me, when I was pregnant and watching my own 3 kids thought of me. Let me guess, she never reciprocates?

The OP has very diplomatically described CF neighbours child as full on in the initial post.
I 💯 know how to interpret this.

Yeah keep saying no. If they ignore you it’s their problem, not yours. I can’t even imagine being this cheeky - especially with 3 of your own and heavily pregnant. Just no!

This is the thing. Is it just you who doesn’t want her round all the time or have your children said something?

Exactly this. You have a large, busy family playing games next door can probably hear. What's the problem with another one? Think you sound a bit mean tbh.

I’m sure this has been posted before… however, just keep saying no.

So another 6yr wants to come and play. I would allow but under conditions. So a certain time and say to parents you won’t be watching them and you will send her back in 30/60m etx

but if you don’t want to. That’s fine as well. Just keep saying no
does your eldest want them to come over for a bit. That would make a diff to me as well

Mean?
The OP is heavily pregnant and has 3 of her own to look after.
The Neighbours child is full on.
OP is not responsible for the entertainment or supervision of CF Neighbours child.

No don't go there, I speak from experience. Once I said yes then she was at my house expecting to come in, every day. I wish I'd said no all along. When they moved away a neighbour they were friends with, told me they were laughing at me for being free childcare. Don't get used by tour neighbours it will become years of asking why she can't come in, because she came last week?! If they ask just say, sorry I have my hands full already! For them to blank you is rude, but it may be a good thing.

Just tell the kid it’s because you’re pregnant and soon will have a new baby that you’re not hosting play dates for the foreseeable - don’t leave them to keep asking. You never have to have them round but YABU to leave them to keep asking.

You are being used op. It’s very rude. As a minimum the parents should have invited, and properly look after your dc for dinner and a play date. They could have offered to help given you are so heavily pregnant. They are CF and I would get shot, iotherwise you will end up with 5 dc, it’s too much, and not your problem. They need to organise a happy life for their own dc!

Oh, I know. I had a colleague with 4 children who said when they were younger she didn't feel the need for playdates with other kids because hers entertained each other and made her busy enough. I just felt a bit sorry for the one and only next door who can probably hear nice things going on but has no one to play with (obviously I don't know the full story here).
I had a one and only who would have been wanting to join in and play. We had lots of playdates and things to do in the garden, she was just sociable.

And would you have invited your Neighbours 3 children into YOUR garden every day and supervise them?
I'm guessing not. You would invite the child closest in age to your own DC.

Are your neighbours worrying about your wellbeing or that of their child? Noooo...

Yes, the closest in age child probably but this is all hypothetical as we had no close neighbours with small children.

If you choose to have one child the onus is very much on the parents to ensure their child is happy and entertained. It’s not op’s job in life to be a circus and crèche the benefit of others!

We need a "guilt trip woman who already has enough to do" bingo card for threads like this. We've already had "I wouldn't mind", "poor child", "you're being mean".

Its not your responsibility to supervise and provide entertainment for children other than your own. It's your garden and you do not have allow anyone in just because they ask. It's not your job to compensate for the shitty parents some children end up with.

You don't want the responsibility of this child in your garden, that is a good enough reason. I would not talk to the parents, they are cheeky fuckers and will think you are opening negotiations.

Continue to say no and when you see the parents just say hello.

I do know that. I was just remembering a conversation with my colleague and thinking about how my own dd would have been.

Why is it other people’s responsibility how your dd reacts? Surely she would t notice if she was busy with her own life? Friends? Family?

Where did I say it was? All of this is entirely hypothetical, there is no back story. Good grief. I course I looked after/entertained DD We had lots of garden toys and frequently friends around/went out. This is not my story.
All I was doing was thinking about how a sociable singleton might like to play with the kids next door. The end.

I would be worried about the neighbours child hurting themselves and then having to explain the incident the neighbours. When mine were playing in the garden would often get the minor bump scratch or bruise so I would feel I had to put all my energy into watching the other child and not my own.
We had a neighbour like this - during school holidays would ask if I could look after DC so she could leave for work before her mum arrived to take over was ok for this until I realised the CF was actually going to the gym before work

It sounds like she can see in. Any way you could create taller planting so she can’t? It would reduce the jealousy.

Parents of only children need to make more effort to have friends over etc.

I cant imagine feeling like this about another child wanting to play in my garden with my children. When my eldest was younger, she used to play with the neighbour's children pretty much every weekend as well as after school. They would often play in their garden or house as they had more stuff (they had more children than me) or they would go between both houses. We did it as the kids loved it and had a wonderful relationship throughout their childhood. This was 20 years ago and although we no longer live next door to one another, we are still very close as we became friends initially because of our children. Unless your eldest daughter doesn't get along with this girl, I expect she would welcome playing with a child closer to her age. A 6/7 year old doesnt need to be watched in the garden all of the time and if she did get hurt, her parents are next door I can't see why she wouldn't go to her parents.