AIBU if I report a weed smoking next door neighbour?

[TwinklyNavyPoster]

I (F, 27) live in a mid-terrace house with my husband (M, 30) and baby (M, 13 weeks). We have lived here for 2 years and it became quickly apparent when we moved in that our next door neighbour regularly smokes weed. I know it's my next door neighbour as whenever the smell appears, they have a specific upstairs window open and if I watch the window, I can see smoke coming from it.

I have no issue with people smoking cannabis, but I can't stand the smell. I did find our neighbours habit quite irritating from the get go as it is frequent, I can't leave washing outside to dry as it picks up the smell, and if I leave the windows open in warm weather the smell makes its way indoors. However, I hate confrontation and actually like our neighbour so I've always just put up with it.

Since having my son, the weather has improved and I'm smelling weed again more often. I'm really trying to bite my tongue, but I write this at 4:50am when I've just had to stop feeding the baby to get up and close the bedroom window in 24 degree heat because it absolutely reeks. I'm feeling really irritated and upset with my neighbour as they know we have a baby and I think it's really inconsiderate.

First and foremost, I'm worried about baby as I'm concerned about the effects second hand cannabis smoke could have on him - but I don't know if I'm over-reacting or being overly protective. Does anyone know if second hand cannabis smoke is dangerous for babies? I feel like it must be, but I'm unsure if this is just if you smoke directly in front of them - since the smoke is coming from next door perhaps this doesn't count? I will note that the window they smoke from is directly adjacent to our bedroom window, and our baby is currently sleeping in the same room as us as per safe sleep guidelines.

Secondly, AIBU if I report the neighbour for ASB? I don't feel comfortable bringing it up with them in-person and I don't know what else to do.

TL;DR - is second hand cannabis smoke harmful to babies, and AIBU if I report my next door neighbour for ASB for regularly smoking weed out of the window of their mid-terrace house?

omg that’s awful.

It’s legal in so many countries now, just get an air purifier? Everyone else’s kids in Spain, Holland and New York etc seem to be just fine, so I wouldn’t worry about that.

An air purifier next to the person smoking is the best solution here though. It would make a huge difference to OP.

I really think face to face works much better than a note.

I think you should talk to the neighbour, and tell them you're concerned about the effect on your baby - can you suggest that he smokes in another room, or gets an air purifer and turn it on when he smokes. You should get an airpurifer too.

As say he's a good neighbour, hopefully he'll agree for the sake of your baby and good neighbour relations.

The smell is awful, you have my sympathy. My next door neighbour smokes a bit, but he's considerate, he goes to the end of the garden, so we don't get the smell in the house

I think you’re being a bit pathetic to not attempt to speak to your neighbour in person about your concerns.

Your baby is only weeks old but what will you do when another child batters him in the ball pit or in the playground? Will you speak to the other parent or just grab your child and run away?

You really must get over your anxiety about confrontation and learn to just do it. Write down what you want to say to the neighbour and practise in the mirror.

Get yourself a filter. I use one and it blocks out cig smoke and car pollution very well but allows fresh air in, love them

I use these guys
www.streme.co.uk

I don't think smoking on one's own property can class as ASB?!
You say you don't mind people smoking it, well then why report them? To the council, the landlord? The police probably won't care tbh.

Can you not try and see if there's a compromise? Have you told them it's bothersome and see if they can move somewhat away from your home when they do it? I'm sure they don't want to cause trouble with the neighbors. Unless they're rather foolish.
But they may well not be permitted to smoke indoors as part of their tenancy.

This doesn't seem like great advice, we have had similar issues and they have been swiftly stamped on by the HA and police.

Some are rubbish, but you won't find out without complaining.

Just be aware that if you log any complaints with your council. You have to declare them if you decide to sell. There’s a form and you have to declare any formal neighbourly disputes. Could put off future buyers if you ever plan to move…

I don’t think you would have to record a police complaint on the form however? Can’t remember how it is worded though!

Our neighbours smoke weed in the garden sometimes but I just chalk it up to city living and being on top of each other. It’s really smelly but I wouldn’t report it to the council for the reason above. And I don’t feel strongly enough to report them to police. Though I think they would just get a warning unless they have previous. When I had a baby I was a lot more anxious about stuff like this.

As PPs suggest maybe keep a note of times when you have to close windows etc and decide what to do after a month.

Are you sure you can’t just talk to them and say you’re worried about your baby as it’s coming in your window? Their response would also help decide whether to go to the police or not.

Speaking from experience, the types of people who commit antisocial behaviour are unlikely to be particularly approachable, and it makes it obvious should you go on to make a formal complaint. My HA specifically discourages direct approaches.

This though! You have to find your voice OP. There will be times you need to speak up as a parent and it will be good practice.

Come on OP this is a little pathetic.

If you actually think reporting them will have any effect (it won't, no one will care) then you'd rather get neighbours you're currently on friendly terms with in trouble than just... speak to them? You'd rather instigate years of low-level suspicion and hostility, and wreck a friendly relationship, just because you can't speak to them? You're being a wet lettuce, and for some reason you think your mild anxiety over a normal social interaction is more important than any of the long-term consequences of reporting them.

Just explain your issue and ask if they can smoke weed elsewhere. Normal request which will hopefully be met by a normal response.

I sympathize OP. Sounds awful.

However, the police will do nothing. They won't even send anyone out to speak to them. I know as I've tried!

And if it helps you should stop thinking of this as a "confrontation". It's not. You ask them politely, they'll likely respond politely. It's such a bog-standard part of living in close quarters with neighbours.

Ask your husband. You have a child and you are worried about second hand smoke but afraid to advocate for them. Unless they are aggressive it’s not a big deal to ask.

it doesn’t have to be aggressive or confrontational. Just a knock and say hi neighbour I’m sure you’ve heard the new addition. Was wondering if you could smoke from a different window as the smell is wafting into baby’s room. And it’s sweltering so can’t really close the window.

thanks and enjoy the weather

I think you'd be really unreasonable to report. I doubt neighbour is causing an issue on purpose and there are all sorts of reasons why someone might use cannabis. Not every user is a smelly stoner who has nothing else in life. They could lose their job potentially!

If you darent speak to them, put a note through the door. If you like them, we can assume they're a reasonable person who'd do their best to make some adjustments.

Hmmm, difficult situation. You say they are nice people otherwise - perhaps you could speak to them and ask if they could smoke on the other side of the house so the smoke doesn't get into the baby's room?

I don't know the law in the UK, but in my country cannabis was recently legalised, and my neighbours are constantly puffing on the herb and playing hip hop 😂I quite like hip hop but am not such a fan of the weed smoke. But there's nothing I can do because they're not doing anything illegal! I just tell myself it's better than them drinking and fighting😅

Smoking weed at 4.30 am is ridiculous though.

@TwinklyNavyPoster Completely missing the point of your thread but was it really 24 degrees at 4.50 in the morning? (Slightly jealous, currently 9 degrees in my corner of the uk)

Hi @TwinklyNavyPoster
How about writing a note to them?
then you can really think about how is sounds. You can say you’ve lived with it because you like them but it often comes in your bedroom especially when the weather is warm. And then stress that last night, you had to close your window when you were breast feeding, as the smoke came into your bedroom. Is there anything they could do to stop this?
You may find they’re mortified and the problem goes away. If they re not pleasant for some reason then you could escalate to council environmental officer or something?
but hopefully if you get the tone of the letter right and really think about this, they will stop opening the window or smoke in a different room l. Good luck OP

How will the neighbours smell this poster "puff puffing away" if they're using a dry herb vape? They're odorless. Also how is using a prescribed medication in this way "selfish"?

Worse was the chap who was naked, passed out with a syringe in his leg, police not interested...said no crime was being committed !.. or the addict who used front gardens as toilets....and this is not a run down area...its a gentrified area of london, that a few years ago experienced a huge crack epidemic which has now moved on.

What a terrible attitude. Describing someone who uses medically as a 'stone cold stoner'? Many people consume legally like the quoted poster for medical reasons (which include many medical conditions) As a medicine it is legally prescribed as such and with a vape it is barely noticeable. Many people can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke or certain foods that an have lingering odours and get into clothes. Do you tell your neighbours to stop cooking or smoking?
I'm not particularly keen on the smell but I'm some sure my neighbours aren't keen on me cooking garlic and onions all the time.

If it’s really annoying you and getting into your house / making laundry smell, make a complaint
The smell of weed is repulsive

My neighbours son ( mid 20s ) also smokes it from time to time in their end of garden shed, and I can even smell it in the house from there, I think it’s possibly one of the most revolting smells and you can smell it off people a mile off

It’s a bit mean of people to call OP pathetic for wanting to avoid any confrontation. I didn’t speak to my neighbours about their drug use. They are absolutely fucking horrendous people and can’t even be civil to each other, let alone someone trying to suggest their behaviour has an impact on others.