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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Final Update

688 replies

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:08

Well, well, well. I’ve had a very lengthy and interesting phone call from the Headteacher (HT) handling my complaint.

I now consider the matter resolved, I’m sure you are wondering what was said and I’ve done my best to summarise below:

-My initial complaint WAS wrongly dismissed without investigation - as the comments made related to a school interaction.

-The HT has offered me an unreserved apology on behalf of the school for the handling of my initial complaint which I have gratefully accepted, as long as it’s also offered in writing (which I’m assured it will be).

-I’m told the Chair was most unimpressed to learn of my experience when complaining and an urgent review of their complaints procedure has been ordered. The HT tells me that they’ll ensure appropriate oversight is put in place moving forward and was extremely grateful for me bringing this to their attention.

-As previously noted, they cannot share the outcome of the investigation into my concerns about the interaction I had, which is perfectly understandable. Yes, I know he’ll get a slap on the wrist at best and should be suitably embarrassed, but that should be sufficient to prevent someone else going through what I did.

The term ‘tail between legs’ comes to mind for certain posters on here - I await your apologies with bated breath!

Thanks for those who’ve offered constructive suggestions on how to proceed, this outcome is a victory for anyone who has ever had a complaint wrongly dismissed.

I’ve also thanked my DH, whilst initially sceptical his support in emailing the Chair made all the difference. I have the utmost respect for how the Chair and HT handled this so promptly.

I feel as though I can now put the whole sorry saga behind me and move forward (I’ll probably give that bar a miss in the future mind you!)

I’ve told DH to put the champagne on ice!

OP posts:
JasperTheDoll · 02/05/2025 20:54

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/05/2025 20:45

The OP stalked him on Facebook and saw a picture of him with a woman. It doesn't prove he's married of course.

I'm sure she'll have it confirmed by tomorrow after she's stood outside his house in the bushes taking photos hoping to catch him engaging in sexual deviant behaviour in the wild.

ilovesooty · 02/05/2025 20:55

turningpoints · 02/05/2025 20:21

I bet there's more than a few female teachers in that school who know exactly what he's like OP, and will be celebrating with you.

I bet they won't know anything about it. It's been dealt with like the frivolous complaint it is.

JasperTheDoll · 02/05/2025 20:56

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 20:46

Well when OP stalked him on FB he had his arm around someone's waist and she "probably wasn't his mother" 🤣

I hope it was a relative or she'll be asking them to make a statement too claiming he has harassed them.

Feelingleftoutagain · 02/05/2025 20:57

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 20:45

I think we can all see OP has done something stupid 🤔

It was the smugness, it tipped me !

ilovesooty · 02/05/2025 20:57

turningpoints · 02/05/2025 20:33

There was a teacher in a school my kids went to who used to visibly look me up and down with a sort of smirk whenever I was talking to him about my daughter. His behaviour was always 'just under the radar' enough to make you doubt what he was doing.

It was only on a night out with other mums that we discovered everyone felt the same. He was also a creep towards certain female teachers, I saw it with my own eyes on numerous occasions. They just put up with it. He was also married with a baby.

Anyway, nobody complained because 'what can you do?' etc etc 'nothing happened' etc etc.

Until it did. He groped a woman in a bar who turned out to be 19. She brought charges. He disappeared from the school and I heard his wife left him.

So good for you OP, because the behaviour you were subject to in that bar did not come from nowhere. It will not have been an isolated incident.

All the 100s of women sympathising with the 'poor man' on here - more fool you.

Oh dear. You simply aren't going to stop egging the OP on are you? 🙄

YourAzureEagle · 02/05/2025 20:58

turningpoints · 02/05/2025 20:39

Also, for all the people weirdly outraged that OP complained ...

If your husband was a teacher, who went out to a bar, approached a woman who he knew full well was a mum of a child he used to teach in a school he still worked at in order to tell her (totally unsolicited) that he used to fantasise about bending her over his desk to fuck her.....

Would you still be laughing?

Whist the drunken behaviour is not to be applauded, it really is nothing to do with the school, at the teacher was not currently teaching the child AND the incident did not involve the child, no code of conduct has actually been broken.

Giving the guy a talking to at the time would be appropriate, but its not an issue the school can police.

If he is married, his conduct is very much between him and his wife.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 02/05/2025 21:00

The term ‘tail between legs’ comes to mind for certain posters on here - I await your apologies with bated breath!

Because you slapped some words out on your keypad?

Lol.

ScarlettOYara · 02/05/2025 21:01

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 20:46

Well when OP stalked him on FB he had his arm around someone's waist and she "probably wasn't his mother" 🤣

She went looking for him on Facebook?😮

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 21:03

ScarlettOYara · 02/05/2025 21:01

She went looking for him on Facebook?😮

Somewhere back on Thread 1 she mentioned his FB photo and then later said "he wasn't hard to find"

She also looked the CoG up on LinkedIn

Hence we told her she was a stalker and harassing

Gamefacer · 02/05/2025 21:05

you’re attaching far too much self importance to this. Acting as though you’re being interviewed by the news channels on the steps of the old Bailey for a post court interview after a great victory in a long, challenging court case. Cringe worthy

HRTQueen · 02/05/2025 21:07

turningpoints · 02/05/2025 20:39

Also, for all the people weirdly outraged that OP complained ...

If your husband was a teacher, who went out to a bar, approached a woman who he knew full well was a mum of a child he used to teach in a school he still worked at in order to tell her (totally unsolicited) that he used to fantasise about bending her over his desk to fuck her.....

Would you still be laughing?

Well it’s all a laugh isn’t it

the hilarity of the comment and of the op being so uptight

bet she enjoyed it really 😉

not laughed so much in years 🙄

ScarlettOYara · 02/05/2025 21:18

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 21:03

Somewhere back on Thread 1 she mentioned his FB photo and then later said "he wasn't hard to find"

She also looked the CoG up on LinkedIn

Hence we told her she was a stalker and harassing

Oh dear

slummymummy24 · 02/05/2025 21:20

dairydebris · 02/05/2025 18:42

No OP. You're a keyboard warrior who was too timid to say anything at the time and who has since been trying to make up for that feeling of inadequacy.

Or a troll.

Oh dear, this thread at the start was quite concerning. As I remember you were horrified at an adult making a verbal pass at you, out of school, and nothing to do with the children they teach.
I was quite taken aback by your outrage (pearl clutching) at this to be perfectly honest and now you are more than happy to state that "I'd have ate him alive" and that you and your husband are drinking to celebrate.
Most people would just have giggled and shrugged this off,
I hope you're happy with what has happened (which had no indication that children would be harmed; just adults ...

WigglywagglyWanda · 02/05/2025 21:23

turningpoints · 02/05/2025 20:39

Also, for all the people weirdly outraged that OP complained ...

If your husband was a teacher, who went out to a bar, approached a woman who he knew full well was a mum of a child he used to teach in a school he still worked at in order to tell her (totally unsolicited) that he used to fantasise about bending her over his desk to fuck her.....

Would you still be laughing?

Yes

Cos it's all made up.

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:23

HRTQueen · 02/05/2025 21:07

Well it’s all a laugh isn’t it

the hilarity of the comment and of the op being so uptight

bet she enjoyed it really 😉

not laughed so much in years 🙄

DH the cheeky bugger has said tonight I’ve secretly enjoyed all of this. Certainly not the initial comment - maybe if I was 20 years younger and single! But I suppose it’s slightly flattering - I did read about the younger generation liking a MILF these days, so perhaps I should take it as a compliment in retrospect.

OP posts:
SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:24

slummymummy24 · 02/05/2025 21:20

Oh dear, this thread at the start was quite concerning. As I remember you were horrified at an adult making a verbal pass at you, out of school, and nothing to do with the children they teach.
I was quite taken aback by your outrage (pearl clutching) at this to be perfectly honest and now you are more than happy to state that "I'd have ate him alive" and that you and your husband are drinking to celebrate.
Most people would just have giggled and shrugged this off,
I hope you're happy with what has happened (which had no indication that children would be harmed; just adults ...

I’d clutch his pearls if he made a comment like that again!

OP posts:
MummytoE · 02/05/2025 21:26

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:23

DH the cheeky bugger has said tonight I’ve secretly enjoyed all of this. Certainly not the initial comment - maybe if I was 20 years younger and single! But I suppose it’s slightly flattering - I did read about the younger generation liking a MILF these days, so perhaps I should take it as a compliment in retrospect.

You are a horrible person.

WigglywagglyWanda · 02/05/2025 21:28

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 21:03

Somewhere back on Thread 1 she mentioned his FB photo and then later said "he wasn't hard to find"

She also looked the CoG up on LinkedIn

Hence we told her she was a stalker and harassing

Fuck I missed that

Getting more reindeerish with every post

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:30

Didimum · 02/05/2025 20:21

Great news, OP. It’s not ok to have teachers going around saying grim things like that to women. If you don’t want to strictly police your mouth then don’t become a public servant.

The posters desperately trying to rouse further insults and still insist you are wrong is all rather cringe. Have a great bank holiday weekend.

Edited

The abuse is water off a ducks back - it’s comical how wound up people are getting because I got the outcome I said I would!

OP posts:
ScarlettOYara · 02/05/2025 21:35

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:30

The abuse is water off a ducks back - it’s comical how wound up people are getting because I got the outcome I said I would!

Well I hope you're just going to let it drop now. Maybe the HT had a word with him. It's gone.

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:36

ScarlettOYara · 02/05/2025 21:35

Well I hope you're just going to let it drop now. Maybe the HT had a word with him. It's gone.

Absolutely - I’ve just stuck around to laugh at the posters who are losing their heads over this. DH finds it hilarious!

OP posts:
andweallloveclover · 02/05/2025 21:37

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:30

The abuse is water off a ducks back - it’s comical how wound up people are getting because I got the outcome I said I would!

It’s comical how wound up you got over a drunken comment 🙄 Looking the guy up on Facebook and approaching his bosses.

ScarlettOYara · 02/05/2025 21:38

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:36

Absolutely - I’ve just stuck around to laugh at the posters who are losing their heads over this. DH finds it hilarious!

Good, just draw a line under it.

RampantIvy · 02/05/2025 21:39

It’s not ok to have teachers going around saying grim things like that to women.

It's not OK for any man to go around saying that to women @Didimum

it’s comical how wound up people are getting because I got the outcome I said I would!

No they are getting wound up at your utterly OTT smuggery. Your DH is right - it is clear in every one of your posts that you have enjoyed this.

JasperTheDoll · 02/05/2025 21:39

SophEll · 02/05/2025 21:36

Absolutely - I’ve just stuck around to laugh at the posters who are losing their heads over this. DH finds it hilarious!

You're DH must be as much of a twat as you are then.