To not give any devices to child off school

[DancingHippos]

DD age 12 is wanting to not go to school as she has had loose bowels 3 times in the last 12 hours. I am a bit suspicious as Friday is my day off work. However, she's probably telling the truth. She's doing well in school and had friends etc.
However I have an appointment that I need to go to and can't cancel - it was booked 4 months ago. She'll be fine by herself for 3 hours.
However I don't know if I should give her her ipad, allow her to watch TV- in other words just chill at home. She doesn't have a smart phone.
What is reasonable to do in these situations?

Why don’t you want her to have screen time?

Agree, don't give her any.

Well i don't understand why you would introduce punishment tactics when she's ill. You either don't believe her ans send her to school or you do believe her.

I'd allow her TV access but no Internet so no iPad.

We tend to limit screen time when dc are off school. Mainly so they don't think it's better than going to school and suddenly feel like they want days off just to chill out at home. Dd2 has definitely tried this with a sore tummy/headache.

If she’s sick then she needs a rest, iPads and tv don’t give you a chance to genuinely rest they keep you awake and stop you switching off. So if sick, no gadgets as she needs rest and if skiving definitely no gadgets! So either way no gadgets.

Why can't she watch screens if she's got an upset stomach? I'd understand if she had a headache/migraine.

I don't understand the logic. Screens won't make her illness any worse?

Just let her watch the TV FFS - why do so many people run their kid's lives like a boot camp?!

How would you feel if you were feeling rough and wanted a chill day with your favourite box set and someone banned the TV? She's hardly in need of silence and sleep all day to get over a bit of a dodgy tummy

What a peculiar mindset. I’m assuming you have the normal parental controls on her devices and you believe she is genuinely unwell ? Then why the punishment tactics ? Also limiting screen time for a 12 year old ? How on earth are they going to learn to self regulate ? 3 or 4 maybe but 12 ?

What a peculiar mindset. I’m assuming you have the normal parental controls on her devices and you believe she is genuinely unwell ? Then why the punishment tactics ? Also limiting screen time for a 12 year old ? How on earth are they going to learn to self regulate ? 3 or 4 maybe but 12 ?

Why do you feel she can't have the iPad?

This. I'm imagining being off work ill and DH coming in and saying "no TV or screens for you or you'll think it's more fun here than at work!". I'd be fuming and I'd imagine most MNers would in the same position.

Home is more fun than school. You aren't going to magically trick teenagers into believing otherwise by banning them from screens.

You're going to be out of the house for three hours. How do you plan on stopping her watching TV whilst you're not there?

I'd give her some chores to do - dusting, whatever - and then she can watch TV/use ipad etc.

Also limiting screen time for a 12 year old ? How on earth are they going to learn to self regulate ? 3 or 4 maybe but 12 ?

She will never self regulate.
Screen addition is a problem for millions of people the world over - including adults who grew up in the pre internet age.

Hmm where we were I'll from school we had to stay in bed. No tv( didn't have one anyway") certainly no games etc A bit of quiet reading

Don't think any of us has more than a few days in total off school once we were past 7 and never had Sickies much at work either.

Worked in our families case

I really don’t understand the mindset of “sickness means no screens”. When I’m sick I love nothing better than curling up on the sofa or in bed with the TV on in the background.

So you were lucky enough to be healthy, well done you? 🤨 Not sure what the relevance of TV is to this, especially as you say you didn't have one anyway.

I agree, I don't either.

More awareness now on how 'pull' factors like screen addition have a role in school avoidance, its not just 'push' factors - ie it's not just what schools are doing, it's the fact that home is where their addiction is!

Obviously not saying your child is ... you're clearly careful.

Surprised at the responses- you'd normally get lots of people telling you how cruel depriving a child of screens is, or that it's no big deal.

I would say that while you’re out she can watch TV / use iPad if she wants, as there’s no point banning something you can’t enforce. But my usual rule is bed, boring food and a book for DC who are off sick from school.

I would be flexible if after a few hours they perk up, and suggest they go in for the afternoon. I genuinely think sometimes after a bad night with tummy ache or whatever they do need a bit more sleep and then are fine.

This

This makes absolutely no sense. You want to punish her for being off ill?

Yes i wouldn't give screen time. She's old enough to read or draw, listen to music etc. There's a lot of value being bored, better that she is bored and keen to get back to school.

On a separate point, in early teens i used to get loose bowels a bit around my period. Has she started/could she be? It can be daunting the first time you have your period to go to school where you can't always get to the bathroom fast - if relevant its worth a chat about all the different options around (period pants etc). If it is period related you don't want to start a habit of avoiding school when its your period.

Our kids know if they are off school they will be resting in bed or on the sofa. No screens, they can read if they want to (both book worms anyway). They are expected to sleep and rest and heal.
Same when I was a kid.
In the evening we might watch a gentle movie
It isn’t a punishment, it’s just if they come to me and say they need to be off they understand what the day will look like and I firmly actually believe rest and sleep is the best healer.
Luckily I have healthy kids who are rarely off. I’d probably relax a bit if they had chronic illnesses or broken bones etc.

Ds used to message his teachers asking for any work he will be missing to be sent to him, ie slides or worksheets as post covid the school had the tech set up to be able to do this in secondary.

He too had loose bowels at times and was absolutely not a shirker. He would breeze through the work as he had access to his computer. He also watched some fun stuff too.

Either you think she is taking the piss and therefore should be in school, or if she is ill you can dictate what it is she watches on the ipad ie something related to her school work, a film or whatever. I don't see why someone would be punished if they are ill and off school.

So she generally goes to school, gets on well but is ill? If that's the case why would you say no screens? Or you think she's lying in which case she should go to school