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Original poster

To not give any devices to child off school

138 replies

DancingHippos · 02/05/2025 07:44

DD age 12 is wanting to not go to school as she has had loose bowels 3 times in the last 12 hours. I am a bit suspicious as Friday is my day off work. However, she's probably telling the truth. She's doing well in school and had friends etc.
However I have an appointment that I need to go to and can't cancel - it was booked 4 months ago. She'll be fine by herself for 3 hours.
However I don't know if I should give her her ipad, allow her to watch TV- in other words just chill at home. She doesn't have a smart phone.
What is reasonable to do in these situations?

OP posts:
Emmz1510 · 02/05/2025 12:08

Let her stay off, she’s clearly got an upset tummy. She’ll be fine while you go for your appointment but why would you limit her screen time? Is it because you secretly think she’s faking and don’t want to ‘reward’ that? Or do you generally not like screen time? I think it would be a bit draconian to not allow her any especially as you’ve said yourself you think she is most likely telling the truth. Surely you have parental controls to limit the things you don’t want her seeing?

RedHelenB · 02/05/2025 12:21

Let her watch telly

blackballfinal · 02/05/2025 12:23

You sound really mean. Poor kid.

CosyLemur · 02/05/2025 12:32

FFS!
Why do people insist on punishing their children when they're sick?

Happyholidays78 · 02/05/2025 12:45

If my son was off school sick he was either on the sofa or in bed resting watching TV, I never let him have any other technology as I didn't want to make the day off school 'fun' & I didn't let him online after school either. I had a friend year's ago who was always off school sick but was allowed to play out after school (this was before phones & Internet etc), she has struggled to hold down a job her entire life & I think I always feared that could happen with my son.

coupebaby · 02/05/2025 12:48

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 02/05/2025 07:50

If she’s sick then she needs a rest, iPads and tv don’t give you a chance to genuinely rest they keep you awake and stop you switching off. So if sick, no gadgets as she needs rest and if skiving definitely no gadgets! So either way no gadgets.

She’s got diarrhoea that’s it, if you have diarrhoea do you tend to sleep the whole day?
OP think what you would do yourself if you were in the same situation, people on here (with the exception of a few) banging on about screen time when kids are off school sick yet when they’re sick themselves they’d tend to chill out on their phones, iPads, watch tv etc …….,hypocrites 🙄

PurplGirl · 02/05/2025 12:50

DancingHippos · 02/05/2025 08:12

I can't give her chores as she has a squitty tummy - she says.
She generally says she is ill on my day off, that's why I'm suspicious. She hasn't done since before Christmas but it has happened over the past couple of years on Fridays.

She doesn't self regulate screen time and will watch it non stop. When we have mistakenly forgotten to get her iPad off her before bedtime, she has admitted that she would look at it in the middle of the night.

I don't want there to be a reward of being able to watch TV and chill for having a day off school. But I want her to rest if she is ill. I also want to be kind and fair.

Crikey OP! You are massively overthinking this. If you’ve believed her enough to allow her to stay off school, and you’re comfortable leaving her home alone for a few hours, then leave her to it! If she’s got parental controls on the TV/I pad and you usually let her use them unsupervised, then I’d allow her to use them whilst you’re out. She might spend the whole time watching tv/youtube and kill a few brain cells, but it won’t have any lasting impact.
I think we’ve all been there where we want a chilled Friday?! A couple of times in 2 years is hardly a pattern. Let her chill and enjoy her day off.

ShriekingTrespasser · 02/05/2025 12:52

Let her watch tv. Put a film on for her and let her relax.

TulipCat · 02/05/2025 12:58

You either trust your child is genuinely ill or you don't. Not this halfway house where you aren't convinced she's genuine so you deploy a sort of "punishment" just in case.

AliceMcK · 02/05/2025 12:58

NotSmallButFunSize · 02/05/2025 07:53

Just let her watch the TV FFS - why do so many people run their kid's lives like a boot camp?!

How would you feel if you were feeling rough and wanted a chill day with your favourite box set and someone banned the TV? She's hardly in need of silence and sleep all day to get over a bit of a dodgy tummy

This!

There are varying degrees of illness an upset tummy dosnt need hours of bed rest.

If she’s old enough to be left alone for 3 hours she’s old enough to choose how she spends that time.

Wtafdidido · 02/05/2025 13:00

When my kids are too sick to be at school they can watch tv in the living room or read books or rest in bed. No tech allowed for the duration of the school day.

coupebaby · 02/05/2025 13:05

Agapornis · 02/05/2025 09:44

Give her a book, and normal daytime TV. No iPlayer etc. Turn off the WiFi or change the password if you can 😁

Any of these fake sick days on your days off - insist she stays in her bedroom as she needs to recover and sleep. Make sure it's really really boring. Could you get a dumb phone so she can call you in an emergency, if you're worried about that? Or tell her to knock at a friendly neighbour.

Edited

You sound like an evil stepmother 😂 So send her in with her potential big to pass to the “friendly neighbour” You’re assuming the kids lying, maybe she’s not, My kids sometimes try pull it on me aswell so I know it happens but perhaps she just needs a day, school can be overwhelming sometimes, maybe something going on that they would rather avoid like conflict with friends, bullying, opposite sex crushes that someone found out or whatever or sometimes teacher issues or struggles with work, adults have days aswell we’re they need to self regulate and take a day off from the world, it happens, she’s coming into her teen years and life can be really difficult with hormone changes at that age. Imagine you maybe having an extremely bad day, somethings really worrying you and you get diarrhoea with the anxiety and then someone who apparently loves you, goes out of their way to be a real c*nt to you altogether 😏

caringcarer · 02/05/2025 13:06

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 02/05/2025 07:50

If she’s sick then she needs a rest, iPads and tv don’t give you a chance to genuinely rest they keep you awake and stop you switching off. So if sick, no gadgets as she needs rest and if skiving definitely no gadgets! So either way no gadgets.

My thoughts too.

PerfectPlace · 02/05/2025 13:12

NotSmallButFunSize · 02/05/2025 07:53

Just let her watch the TV FFS - why do so many people run their kid's lives like a boot camp?!

How would you feel if you were feeling rough and wanted a chill day with your favourite box set and someone banned the TV? She's hardly in need of silence and sleep all day to get over a bit of a dodgy tummy

This.

I think some parents think it’s good parenting to do things like this, but it’s not. It’s fairly normal to just lounge around and watch tv or use an iPad when you’re feeling a bit rough. You’re resting and it helps pass the time. Not everything in life has to be some harsh lesson or teaching moment. Your child is unwell, just be nice and do whatever to make her more comfortable.

RatalieTatalie · 02/05/2025 13:40

IwasDueANameChange · 02/05/2025 08:09

Yes i wouldn't give screen time. She's old enough to read or draw, listen to music etc. There's a lot of value being bored, better that she is bored and keen to get back to school.

On a separate point, in early teens i used to get loose bowels a bit around my period. Has she started/could she be? It can be daunting the first time you have your period to go to school where you can't always get to the bathroom fast - if relevant its worth a chat about all the different options around (period pants etc). If it is period related you don't want to start a habit of avoiding school when its your period.

Being bored won't cure loose bowels

Beerhy · 02/05/2025 13:43

I mean what do you do when you’re feeling unwell? I get not wanting kids to spend all their time on the internet but I do feel like sometimes parents forget their kids are human. If you’re suspicious maybe try and see if there’s a reason she might not want to go in, but if you think she’s ill then just treat her how you’d wanna be treated if you were sick.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 02/05/2025 14:01

Why wouldn't you give her screen time?
She's got an upset tummy and is off school. Why would you punish her for that?

Kazzybingbong · 02/05/2025 14:21

Please give her the iPad. She’s off school with the shits.

Kazzybingbong · 02/05/2025 14:24

RatalieTatalie · 02/05/2025 13:40

Being bored won't cure loose bowels

Show quote history

Glad I’m not the type of mum you are and that my mum wasn’t either.

I love art, I’d spend hours at my desk if I could. But if I had the shits and probably cramping, I’d want to lie down on my phone.

Why are people so scared of devices?

Lovelysummerdays · 02/05/2025 14:25

Im in the no screens camp if you are ill. Stay in bed and read a book, rest aids recovery. Can have screens after school hours.

faerietales · 02/05/2025 14:28

Lovelysummerdays · 02/05/2025 14:25

Im in the no screens camp if you are ill. Stay in bed and read a book, rest aids recovery. Can have screens after school hours.

Why is a book okay but a screen isn’t? Confused

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 14:33

DancingHippos · 02/05/2025 08:12

I can't give her chores as she has a squitty tummy - she says.
She generally says she is ill on my day off, that's why I'm suspicious. She hasn't done since before Christmas but it has happened over the past couple of years on Fridays.

She doesn't self regulate screen time and will watch it non stop. When we have mistakenly forgotten to get her iPad off her before bedtime, she has admitted that she would look at it in the middle of the night.

I don't want there to be a reward of being able to watch TV and chill for having a day off school. But I want her to rest if she is ill. I also want to be kind and fair.

How could you stop her watching TV if she is at home on her own

FunMustard · 02/05/2025 14:42

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 14:33

How could you stop her watching TV if she is at home on her own

Show quote history

This was what I was going to say. You're not there, if you say "no tv, only reading" is she really going to do it?! If she's pushing boundaries by exaggerating being ill, then she's going to put down her book and be on YT before the car's off the drive.

Obvs it's a moot question now it's nearly 3pm anyway, but if you're not making her go to school then what difference is it really going to make?

FunMustard · 02/05/2025 14:43

faerietales · 02/05/2025 14:28

Why is a book okay but a screen isn’t? Confused

Show quote history

As a kid, my mum used to get SO annoyed with me because I'd read all my library books in a couple of days, to the detriment of anything else.

But that's ok because it's a "worthy" leisure pursuit Wink

changedusernameforthis1 · 02/05/2025 14:48

When I have a dodgy stomach I enjoy resting in bed/on the sofa with my phone or watching TV, so of course I'd allow my DC to do the same.

If they were off school for a different matter (suspended, excluded etc) then it would be a different matter.