To not give any devices to child off school

[DancingHippos]

DD age 12 is wanting to not go to school as she has had loose bowels 3 times in the last 12 hours. I am a bit suspicious as Friday is my day off work. However, she's probably telling the truth. She's doing well in school and had friends etc.
However I have an appointment that I need to go to and can't cancel - it was booked 4 months ago. She'll be fine by herself for 3 hours.
However I don't know if I should give her her ipad, allow her to watch TV- in other words just chill at home. She doesn't have a smart phone.
What is reasonable to do in these situations?

My parents were strict about being off school, we had to be at deaths door to be off but even they wouldn't have banned the TV (pre internet). Thats just weird, whats the logic?

Also limiting screen time for a 12 year old ? How on earth are they going to learn to self regulate ? 3 or 4 maybe but 12 ?

As an adult who battles screen addiction many of us never will and its better to delay exposure to it as long as possible to allow young people to develop other hobbies and interests.

Yes, let her chill at home. However she wants to. Jeez. What is the big deal? 🙄

I can't give her chores as she has a squitty tummy - she says.
She generally says she is ill on my day off, that's why I'm suspicious. She hasn't done since before Christmas but it has happened over the past couple of years on Fridays.

She doesn't self regulate screen time and will watch it non stop. When we have mistakenly forgotten to get her iPad off her before bedtime, she has admitted that she would look at it in the middle of the night.

I don't want there to be a reward of being able to watch TV and chill for having a day off school. But I want her to rest if she is ill. I also want to be kind and fair.

Its different for children and adults because an adult weighs up missing work (impact on colleagues, possibly losing pay, impact on reputation and possible chances of promotion etc) and thinks about whether a day off sick is worth it.

Children don’t have that balance, they generally see being off school as wholly positive.

If you think she is genuine and you have to leave her on her own, there really is no reason at all for refusing to leave her with screens for that period. If you want to consider cutting down their use the rest of the day, fine.

Do you have just regular TV?
A few hours of Jeremy Vine, Antique Auctions, Dull quiz shows and Loose Women won't be too terrible.

TV but no gaming.

The only time I would ban mine from tv / electronics is if I thought they were faking it!

I see both sides here - if she is going to be alone I'd personally allow some tv/ a film = but even a sick child I don't allow hours of ipad/ tv

unfortunately I've seen in both my kids that if being too sick is just a lovely day of tv, they will fake it !

This. All of this. When I'm ill all I want to do is lounge around with the TV, blanket, and snacks. And thats exactly what I let my DC do when they're poorly too. We have to give ourselves a break! In every sense of the word.

Exactly! I find it really odd that so many parents think being ill means lying in bed in silence staring at a wall for eight hours. I very much doubt that’s what any of them do when they’re sick!

Either you think she’s pulling a fast one, in which case you send her to school, or you trust her to know that she’s not 100% and let her have a chilled out day on the sofa with the TV.

Fuck there's some weird parents around.

This. Especially considering this is a secondary school aged child. Just strange and controlling behaviour.

If you think she’s lying, send her to school. If you think she’s genuinely ill, why does she need to be penalised?

Our rule was if poorly stay in bed in the morning then you can laze on the sofa watching TV under your duvet in the afternoon. When half the family had Covid back in 2021 then they all spent the week on the sofas in the playroom watching the Olympics. I think watching TV requires less energy than reading and is more relaxing than doom scrolling.

FWIW I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. We have a similar rule for DS of a similar age. No phone, no gaming, no YouTube. He’s allowed, depending on the illness, what we call normal tv such as daytime tv, to read or watch a very few select shows on the streaming services. When he’s genuinely ill he doesn’t care and it’s no problem, when he was trying to pull a sucky he’d be bothered. Now he knows that rule is in place and stuck to, he never pulls a fast one. I don’t see it as any different to when I was growing up. I was on the sofa with This morning on, I could read, but I wouldn’t be allowed out to play when everyone came home, until I’d been back to school. I just see out to play as gaming, YouTube and the phone now as that’s where most of the socialising is done.

How can you be so bloody clueless in caring for your own child. Baffles me!

I find that such a weird comparison - laying in bed on your phone is hardly the equivalent of going out and running about with your mates.

DS was off of his phone for 2 days and on his year group chat alone there was over 2000 unread messages. The phone use that you and i may have of a few exchanges throughout the day is very different to the younger generation. It’s constant and rapid, and DS has said himself that at times it’s very overwhelming.

It’s still not comparable to going out and playing physically outdoors. You can use a phone and not respond to messages if you want.

When my kids are off sick I let them on their stuff. I don't understand why some parents enforce the "if you are off school sick then you are also off your stuff" rule. It's not going g to make them any tickets.

This
this place boggles my mind at times.

DS was off of his phone for 2 days and on his year group chat alone there was over 2000 unread messages. The phone use that you and i may have of a few exchanges throughout the day is very different to the younger generation. It’s constant and rapid, and DS has said himself that at times it’s very overwhelming.

You can mute chats or even just leave the group, my daughter ended up leaving her year group chat because it was similar in terms of number of messages and she just has group chats with her actual friends instead

As an adult who battles screen addiction many of us never will and its better to delay exposure to it as long as possible to allow young people to develop other hobbies and interests

My 11 year old self imposes screen time limits which he mainly sticks to, because he understands too much screen time isn't a good idea. There's no doubt phones are addictive but they are a part of life now, much better to help them manage use rather than be draconian about it. It is possible to learn how to self regulate use.

Kids love it too. That’s exactly why they swing the lead to take a sickie off school. If sick days aren’t ‘fun’ days, they won’t bother trying.