Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give any devices to child off school

138 replies

DancingHippos · 02/05/2025 07:44

DD age 12 is wanting to not go to school as she has had loose bowels 3 times in the last 12 hours. I am a bit suspicious as Friday is my day off work. However, she's probably telling the truth. She's doing well in school and had friends etc.
However I have an appointment that I need to go to and can't cancel - it was booked 4 months ago. She'll be fine by herself for 3 hours.
However I don't know if I should give her her ipad, allow her to watch TV- in other words just chill at home. She doesn't have a smart phone.
What is reasonable to do in these situations?

OP posts:
Kreepture · 02/05/2025 09:28

good grief, even when i was sick and in my bed with covid for a week i had my laptop on and watched some crap on netflix/disney+, even if i did end up falling asleep for large chunks of time.

There is no need to ban screen time when they're sick.

HamptonPlace · 02/05/2025 09:32

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 02/05/2025 07:50

If she’s sick then she needs a rest, iPads and tv don’t give you a chance to genuinely rest they keep you awake and stop you switching off. So if sick, no gadgets as she needs rest and if skiving definitely no gadgets! So either way no gadgets.

What she do with her time, read? which i am in favour of, at all times!) but that also keeps you awake...

faerietales · 02/05/2025 09:33

MmeChoufleur · 02/05/2025 09:27

Kids love it too. That’s exactly why they swing the lead to take a sickie off school. If sick days aren’t ‘fun’ days, they won’t bother trying.

Show quote history

Nah, I don’t buy it.

Sick days when I was little involved the sofa, blankets and TV, plus snacks if it was something like a cold or chickenpox. It never made me “swing the lead” and I barely had any time off at all.

NameChanger2879 · 02/05/2025 09:35

MmeChoufleur · 02/05/2025 09:27

Kids love it too. That’s exactly why they swing the lead to take a sickie off school. If sick days aren’t ‘fun’ days, they won’t bother trying.

Show quote history

Exactly this. As I said once we set our rule and DS knew it wasn’t going to be changed, he settled down and has only been off when he’s been really ill, and also ill enough to not want to bother with any of those things.

ApolloandDaphne · 02/05/2025 09:38

It's a bit mean to go out for 3 hours and just leave her with nothing. Let her watch TV. How would you even know she had put it on if you ban it?

Concretejungle1 · 02/05/2025 09:41

FedupofArsenalgame · 02/05/2025 08:00

Hmm where we were I'll from school we had to stay in bed. No tv( didn't have one anyway") certainly no games etc A bit of quiet reading

Don't think any of us has more than a few days in total off school once we were past 7 and never had Sickies much at work either.

Worked in our families case

Show quote history

I am rarely off work ill, i had strict parents however when i was sick they still kept me on the sofa/bed with the tv! I was never punished for being ill Hmm
i didn’t grow up thinking it was better it was ok to throw sickies.

Agapornis · 02/05/2025 09:44

Give her a book, and normal daytime TV. No iPlayer etc. Turn off the WiFi or change the password if you can 😁

Any of these fake sick days on your days off - insist she stays in her bedroom as she needs to recover and sleep. Make sure it's really really boring. Could you get a dumb phone so she can call you in an emergency, if you're worried about that? Or tell her to knock at a friendly neighbour.

FedupofArsenalgame · 02/05/2025 09:53

Concretejungle1 · 02/05/2025 09:41

I am rarely off work ill, i had strict parents however when i was sick they still kept me on the sofa/bed with the tv! I was never punished for being ill Hmm
i didn’t grow up thinking it was better it was ok to throw sickies.

Show quote history

I might've been able to watch TV if we owned one lol. We weren't " punished"

TokyoSushi · 02/05/2025 10:01

Good grief, I assume we're talking about a fairly 'normal' non school refusing etc situation here.

If I was off work sick then I'd want to do whatever I wanted to make it a bit easier, if that was watch TV, go on my phone etc then so be it. Just because I had one nice day off wouldn't then mean that I started staying off work sick once per week just to do it. If she's a sensible girl, then DD will know the same, ordinarily she has to go to school, this is just a one off, don't make it worse for her.

Laserwho · 02/05/2025 10:08

When my kids where ill they did whatever made them comfortable, bed, on sofa, watching TV, iPad etc. It didn't make them want to stay home more. My son has 4 days off ill all the way through high school. If I'm feeling ill I want my creature comforts, why carnt kids want the same thing?

WitcheryDivine · 02/05/2025 10:12

IwasDueANameChange · 02/05/2025 08:09

Yes i wouldn't give screen time. She's old enough to read or draw, listen to music etc. There's a lot of value being bored, better that she is bored and keen to get back to school.

On a separate point, in early teens i used to get loose bowels a bit around my period. Has she started/could she be? It can be daunting the first time you have your period to go to school where you can't always get to the bathroom fast - if relevant its worth a chat about all the different options around (period pants etc). If it is period related you don't want to start a habit of avoiding school when its your period.

Really good point about periods.

I wasn’t allowed to watch TV if I was off school - it was reading or listening to the radio, I listened to a weird amount of Radio 4 for a child. Tbh in your shoes OP I wouldn’t mind her being propped up in front of crap daytime TV but would switch off the router for Netflix etc.

MyCheekySeal · 02/05/2025 10:14

If my child is off school I make sit in the garage with no electronics to make sure he isn't lying!

BlackPantherPrincess · 02/05/2025 10:14

NotSmallButFunSize · 02/05/2025 07:53

Just let her watch the TV FFS - why do so many people run their kid's lives like a boot camp?!

How would you feel if you were feeling rough and wanted a chill day with your favourite box set and someone banned the TV? She's hardly in need of silence and sleep all day to get over a bit of a dodgy tummy

This really made me smile though. You’re right the MN approach often seems to be very much like a boot camp.

I agree very much with a poster above. You either believe she is ill and allow her a day off to rest and recoup, in which case a day sat in front of the telly can provide exactly that OR you think she’s well enough to go to school and send her in.

BlackPantherPrincess · 02/05/2025 10:18

MmeChoufleur · 02/05/2025 09:27

Kids love it too. That’s exactly why they swing the lead to take a sickie off school. If sick days aren’t ‘fun’ days, they won’t bother trying.

Show quote history

I couldn’t get my kids, when fit and well, to spend the day in front of the telly or a tablet if I tried. They might watch it for a bit but they’ll soon get distracted and play and want to go out. In fact it’s unusual for them to want to watch TV/rest all day - it’s a good indication they are actually ill.

Coffeeishot · 02/05/2025 10:22

Stripeyanddotty · 02/05/2025 07:59

Also limiting screen time for a 12 year old ? How on earth are they going to learn to self regulate ? 3 or 4 maybe but 12 ?

She will never self regulate.
Screen addition is a problem for millions of people the world over - including adults who grew up in the pre internet age.

Yet here you are on a frivolous Internet forum ?

Op you are being ridiculous not "allowing" even the TV whilst you are out is ridiculous you should have sent her to school if you thought she was lying.

JoyousEagle · 02/05/2025 10:25

If I’ve got a stomach bug I will probably lie on the sofa watching tv. I don’t understand not allowing it. You either believe she’s ill, in which case a bit of tv is fine. Or you don’t, in which case send her to school.

Gustavo77 · 02/05/2025 10:27

Poor kid, it sounds like a prison not her home.

You don't believe she's ill, or do so reluctantly.
You leave her at home for 3 hours at the age of 12, that'll make her feel like she matters to you - not!
Youre denying her any sort of relaxing past time.

Unbelievable!

TomatoSandwiches · 02/05/2025 10:35

Sounds like you are annoyed she's unwell on your day off and you're trying to punish her for it.

You either believe she's ill or not, if you think she is then you need to accept the inconvenience.
You'll be gone and for a bit, let her watch some TV at home while she rests like most people do when they're off work/school.

ScrewedByFunding · 02/05/2025 10:39

MmeChoufleur · 02/05/2025 09:27

Kids love it too. That’s exactly why they swing the lead to take a sickie off school. If sick days aren’t ‘fun’ days, they won’t bother trying.

Show quote history

I guess some people rule with a stick and some the carrot!

Surely if they're 'trying' then you say no to a day off and cajole them in to school. If they are poorly and at home, why do you need to punish that?

Mine are older teens now, all very good attendance rates through school and uni and their jobs, and I always allowed screens for sick on the sofa days.

autumnskyes · 02/05/2025 10:40

When my boys were sick I would always set them up with a pillow/blanket on the couch and let them watch TV/Netflix etc. I do know some people who were really militant about making their kids stay in bed all day with no form of entertainment if they were sick. I always thought it was a bit mean though, I like to mollycoddle mine if they are sick haha. Also I know if I'm sick myself I like a distraction, not to just stare at the wall.

They are now teenagers and it hasn't led to constant sickies, my 18 year old works fulltime and hates taking days off, my 15 year old loves school and has to be really sick before he wants to stay home.

Justmovehousethen · 02/05/2025 10:45

Kid off sick - rest, recuperation and whatever they need to feel better.

Really not the time for micro managing the IPad.

stichguru · 02/05/2025 10:47

If you have good reason to believe that your child is faking their sympotoms to get a duvet day because they can't be bothered with school, limiting the day to quiet, boring activities is a good idea. If they are normally a good attender and are genuinely sick, let them do what they want, they will want to go back when they are well enough.

latetothefisting · 02/05/2025 10:47

You can takeher ipad but how on earth will you stop her watching tv once you leave the house?

Either you think she's well enough to go to school or she isn't. Even if she doesn't watch TV, being bored at home is still going to be preferable to being bored at school so it's not a disincentive to be off sick again.

faerietales · 02/05/2025 11:28

Gustavo77 · 02/05/2025 10:27

Poor kid, it sounds like a prison not her home.

You don't believe she's ill, or do so reluctantly.
You leave her at home for 3 hours at the age of 12, that'll make her feel like she matters to you - not!
Youre denying her any sort of relaxing past time.

Unbelievable!

What’s wrong with leaving a 12yo at home for three hours?

C152 · 02/05/2025 11:31

You're making far too much of a big deal over this. She's sick; let her stay home and watch TV.

As for always 'choosing' to be sick on your day off, maybe there is an element of this - maybe she wants to be looked after when she's feeling under the weather and she knows you're there to focus on her when you're not working.