To think this is cruel and genuinely unfathomable?

[StormCloud52]

An acquaintance of mine has a three year old child. My acquaintance is Chinese but has lived in Britain for a long time.

Today, she shared a story that her DD had had her last playtime with her little friends for a while. When people have asked why, she’s said that her DD is going to China for a year to learn the language. I assumed acquaintance was also going, but no. It is then filled with people commenting that she’ll miss DD but it’s a wonderful, selfless gift acquaintance is giving her daughter. Acquaintance agrees she’ll miss DD.

Her most recent post is them at the airport. AIBU to thinking this is barking mad? It had made me feel so sad for the little girl. Surely she’ll be confused and distressed? AIBU?

Inside out is not the same as having some knowledge. By your own admission you have none and yet call other posts absurd.
I have lived in five countries, and while I may not agree with some of the cultural practices in other countries I am not do ignorant to call other people’s comments absurd.

Agreed.
I guess the people saying "iT'S cULtuRal!" think that the solution for your mum would be to tell her it's cultural. I'm sure that'll reverse any effects it had on her.

You're assuming that the alternative wouldn't have affected her equally as much. There's no shortage of adults impacted by lack of connection to their wider family and heritage. Just as there is no shortage of adults impacted by overwhelmed, unsupported mothers, poverty etc that may have been at play.
Very black and white thinking.

As opposed to being alienated from one's own culture and language and living in a culture where one is othered is sooo much better.

Presumably she’s going to be with extended family? And are you as horrified at the father as you appear to be with the mother?

It’s not a decision I would make but it’s not unheard of in some cultures to do this.

I've just googled " psychological damage to a 3 year old child being away from their mother" ....I will stand by my opinion, which I am entitled to.

We're not talking about every other practice across the world, are we?

I'm really not seeing what this has to do with what the thread's about.

Such thorough and balanced research. What an informed opinion it must be...

You could also google the benefits of cultural immersion- how that influences a child’s development, boosts a child’s confidence, enables them to become comfortable with differences in race and religion…
go on extend your google search, just a click away!
edited for typo

Because she has googled! 🤣

I wonder if high infant mortality meant that wealthy parents (the only ones with the option to do so) kept an emotional distance from their children as a self protective mechanism.

I think your comment is useful and interesting btw

Still is, a colleague interviewed yesterday for a boarding school.

Family friends sent their children to the UK from France for the entire summer holidays more than once to improve their English.

I stand corrected.

I think numbers have reduced. Now a lot of boarders are overseas students. Which is worse actually because if they are from the far east they can't go home for every holiday so they have to stay with a guardian who is often paid to care for them rather than being a relative.

I am sure the parents of these international boarders love their children very much. Effectively they are spending a huge amount of money to get the best possible education for their children but I don't think they fully appreciate the emotional impact. I don't think we should allow international child visas for children of primary age to board. The older the child the more likely it is to be a positive experience.

Humans are animals. "Culture" cannot change that fact.

Whatever skin colour a three year old human has, they have the same need not to be removed (for an entire YEAR) from the people who have raised them for their entire lives. That's true of three year olds from every race, country, culture, religion AND time period throughout human history.

My colleague admittedly is older, 60+, went through the system himself, sent his dds to boarding schools, but it’s seemingly quite common here still near London. When I’m looking at job adverts, I seem to see a lot of boarding schools, UK and internationally.

I will accept this when I've seen a good number of good-quality studies demonstrating that being raised in a non-nuclear family way is detrimental and there are no up sides to it.

I think a lot depends on the age and how often students come home. Lots are flexi boarders now and come back at weekends. Secondary age students who like the school and come back home for lots of long holidays. It's probably going to be fine.

Utterly bizarre, but I have heard of it happening before, especially around Chinese/Japanese/Korean cultures.
I presume the child is going to live with the grandparents? That's actually quite common in China. A lot of children, especially those from more rural communities, live most of the time with grandparents, while parents go off and work in urban areas, where the pay and prospects are better.
Perhaps that's what OPs friend did as a small child, and she remembers it fondly?
I agree though, 3 is teeny tiny to be shipped to an unfamiliar country without her parents. Poor thing.

More than a little naive to think that it's mother is the only thing a 3 year old might need.

It's not something I could or would do.

But, I try not to judge. They obviously think it's the best thing for their child, and I think it's not uncommon in Chinese culture. I know of a family friends son whose child was also sent to China for an extended period to learn the language and experience their culture. I don't know how long they went for but it was more than a few months

Yawn

On the contrary - it's absolutely relevant. It might be interesting and illuminating to learn about how other cultures view families and relationships. We aren't in a position to think our way is the right way.

The pp had implied I wasn't entitled to an opinion on a practice of a culture I know little about. I was simply wondering if they had ever had opinions about other cultural practices. Not that hard to figure out.