to ask why would you overfeed your child?

[ineedtoknowwhy]

I'm sure this question has been asked before but, please, can someone explain to me why would a parent overfeed an already obese child?

Every day when I drop my daughter off at nursery I see the same little girl being dropped off too. She is always on her buggy which suggest they live nearby so could potentially walk but never ever do. At pick ups is the same, straight from nursery into buggy. Her face is always covered in chocolate (at 8 in the morning!) and she is always holding some sort of biscuit or chocolate belly so big her shirts don't come below her belly button. I am not talking about a bit chubby, or with a bit of a belly.

I cannot help to think poor child whose mum is happy to keep feeding her biscuits, chocolates, etc. when the child is clearly not in a healthy weight.

I can't help but silently judge her in my head so please can someone explain reasons for this. If you are a mum with an overweight child, why would you do this?

It really isnt.....obesity can literally affect your life expectancy and that's without flinging in any other types of associated health conditions.

Perhaps the parent was treated this way by their parent so they think it’s normal. Could be huge MH problems in the family and all sorts of other issues. Could be that they don’t know any better. Perhaps they think they are being the best parent by giving their child everything they want and ask for.
I’d suggest a kind word or smile at drop off times rather than judgement. Maybe Mum could do with a friend?

This. I'd like to actually get to places at a ballpark right time thanks. They can exercise in the park/garden/shopping centre later.

I walk three miles for some groups. My toddler twins can't do that. They also don't get to walk 5 minutes up the road either for specific things/times because daisies, and postvan, and digger, and ladybird, and all the other distractions. No thank you

Buggies for the win!

Oh I do, I've chatted to the mum and our daughters interact with each other.

I don't know why people at mumsnet assume the worst all the time. One thing is to think something internally and ask on a public forum and another thing is to act on it.

I can judge / disapprove internally but that mum will never guess it and I will make sure of it.

I work with young children and It's usually misplaced love.

Although, my son is absolutely normal but lots of people (our parents) comment on him not eating enough or being too skinny. If we listened to their nonsense we could easily end up overfeeding.

I also think people don't realise that children can enjoy a diet similar to adults. They think they only eat 'kids food' so diets get worse and worse until they only eat chocolate and the parents think 'oh well that's kids for you! They need something though so here's some chocolate'.

I’m not assuming the worst at all. You asked why this child may be being over fed and I answered with a measured response of possibilities. In your OP you didn’t say you had spoken with the Mum but did talk about how you can’t help to judge (or words to that effect.) I have worked with families in need for many years and see this scenario too often. It’s very sad.

Exactly same in our family, we stopped going over to MIL house for dinner when the rest of the grandkids would also be there for dinner. The kids would eat more dinner than my husband ( who is 6ft 4 and works in a labour intensive job). Their mother would make smart comments on my dinner that i was a pigeon, They wouldn't each too much junk food but huge massive portions of dinner and always get seconds. It improved a bit when they went to boarding school but would put it all back on when they were back home. Two of them seemingly got injections in their final years of school 😱I do know they were bullied in school especially the youngest one so SIL has now molly cuddled him with more food. Its terrible as i know their future will have hardship but what can you say. It takes 20 mins for your stomach to tell your brain and always say you should always leave the table feeling like you can eat more

I know several intelligent mums who didn't think it was an issue giving their child a share size bag haribo everyday to keep them quiet. Then saying ooh they just carry their weight just like me.

Mind blown

It must be they lack the willpower to stop a bad habit. There could be all sorts going on at home and it ended up with just placating the poor kid with a biscuit. That obviously worked and now they haven't the strength to try and un-do that bad pattern. It's very sad.

I can only hope the school, GP, health visitor and the mum together will help get away from this cycle of soothing a child with calories.

if the nursery has concert wouldn’t they talk to parents?

Strangely I think it's the older generation who are poor influences in this regard. My PILs can't cope with wasted food, and try to insist DCs eat until their plates are clear. My Nan was a feeder, and praised a cleared plate also.

I let my children regulate their own appetite, they eat until they've had enough and then they stop. They can have hungry days when they want to eat constantly (actual food, not sweets) and that's alright, and days where they don't feel like much. All okay.

They do have treats but we don't treat them as treats, it's not a reward to eat crap, but I don't want to ban it either because then it's not teaching them moderation.

I think a lot of the time it comes from misguided care, and also I think I'm lucky. I don't judge, because no doubt I'm shit at some other thing without realising.

Potion distortion, things always bigger, and denial that portions are generally bigger

I am also judging the parents that stop their (usually) DDs from eating carbs after 12/13 also very abusive.

I assume it's because they don't know how to deal with negative behaviour from their child - if the girl kicks off and tantrums and screams when parent says no, some will just give in and then it becomes a cycle.

Sure I've been guilty of shoving some buttons into one of my kid's hands for an easy life - but as a one off, not as an ongoing behavioural method.

Size 16 is overweight, yes!

I’m fully aware and when much more active and working at 50, and lost 2.5 stone then, since regained 6 lbs, age, menopause and mid stage Parkinson’s 12st 6 to 10 st 6, now 10st 9

And how is that OPs business?

If she really is as you've described, then she's wearing the wrong size clothing which is a whole separate issue in itself. Children don't have bellies "so big" that T-shirts won't stretch over them - they just need the next size up.

I just feel as if this is a really disingenuous post.

It feels as if you want to bitch about this child and the family and this is the way to do it, with faux wide-eyed naïveté.

The child isn't necessarily being "overfed". Even chubby kids need to eat. But it certainly sounds as if she's being given the wrong foods. That might be a lack of education in why the right nutrition is so important for young children - it might be a case of replicating what they were always given and what they eat now. As PP said, it might be a misplaced way of showing love - that's really common.

As she gets older, the buggy won't be an option so presumably she'll be more active which might help.

As she's wearing clothing that is visibly too tight/too small, are there issues around money? Crap food is unfortunately often cheaper than nutritious options.

I'm going to ignore the obvious questions about SEN, but it is worth considering whether this may be a factor.

Lots of young children are overweight, so I don’t see why you’d jump to a rare condition.

Juice is not healthy either, as it is just sugar to the body, though actual fruit is good in moderation. Plain water is far healthier. In general foods that are "whole" (ie. fruit not fruit juice which as been extracted from fruit, wholegrain bread not refined flour bread (most loaves)) are the healthy options. Why anyone would feed their precious DC processed, sugary, salty refined crap amazes me.

Overfeeding is a form of neglect just like starvation is

My nephew is massive (he's now 15)

My mother was brought up with 'food is love' and withdrawn for whatever reason her mother felt fit at that moment (and not enough food to go around for the kids)

She passed on her food issues to us (I struggle with food) and once my brother got away from her (he left home),he ballooned (he went from about 8 stone and 5'10 to 25 stone and counting)

He met,married and had my nephew-his parents feed him nothing but takeaways,chocolate and crisps-id be amazed if he'd ever had a salad (unless it's in a takeaway)

They use my mother as childcare-and she loves to feed him ('my house,my rules')

Before school,I've seen him scoff a full English breakfast (3 sausages,4 bacon,4 fried eggs,2 slices of fried bread and toast) all washed down with 3 lattes (3 sugars in each) and he'd walk to school,stuffing his face with a monster and crisps (I saw this when he was about 7/8) and at home,its a Chinese or Indian takeaway (or if they are feeling healthy,a kebab)

None if them seem bothered about this diet and this kid is suffering (I'm nc but I have friends who's kids are in his class)

It's neglect on a huge scale-my brother has been told to lose weight or he'll die

He laughed it off and carried on-shes just as bad and it seems the cycle will continue

This is me. I have to get the bus and then walk for 20 minutes with 2 small DC, I definitely use the pram, my 2YO is a runner.

If there’s no SEN, then perhaps it’s cyclical-what does mum look like? My mum would not let me leave the table til the plate was clear: ‘There are starving people in Africa/I was in the kitchen for hours making this” etc. It’s a mind set I’ve had to get out of having been massively overweight. Mum struggled with her weight and now delights in telling me how little she weighs and how I shouldn’t lose anymore having been morbidly obese for most of my life.

I see an awful lot of overweight kids and their parents are also overweight.

I do agree with this. We don’t drive and DD is a good walker but if we are going a 30min walking distance plus I will use the pushchair (at least part of the way) not because it wouldn’t get walked but because a 30 min adult walk takes 1hour plus with a toddler 😂