to ask why would you overfeed your child?

[ineedtoknowwhy]

I'm sure this question has been asked before but, please, can someone explain to me why would a parent overfeed an already obese child?

Every day when I drop my daughter off at nursery I see the same little girl being dropped off too. She is always on her buggy which suggest they live nearby so could potentially walk but never ever do. At pick ups is the same, straight from nursery into buggy. Her face is always covered in chocolate (at 8 in the morning!) and she is always holding some sort of biscuit or chocolate belly so big her shirts don't come below her belly button. I am not talking about a bit chubby, or with a bit of a belly.

I cannot help to think poor child whose mum is happy to keep feeding her biscuits, chocolates, etc. when the child is clearly not in a healthy weight.

I can't help but silently judge her in my head so please can someone explain reasons for this. If you are a mum with an overweight child, why would you do this?

I know a mum who does this, I think she didn’t cope well when they were little and used food to placate her kids, I think it’s also some guilt, not a happy marriage and it’s a “treat”. Mine always pops back and forth over healthy to overweight BMI, exercises 6 times a week, has a massive appetite but we do try to limit sugar.

One of my DCs friends is very overweight, family are too. Her mum has always been strange about it- for a few years she’d moan about how her child could eat whatever and still be skinny (she wasn’t she was chunky!) and how she just calls her pig and says she’s greedy while keeping loads of unhealthy snacks in the house and allowing her to have three adult size courses when out for dinner at age 7. The whole thing is very bizarre.

@SpidersAreShitheads
If she really is as you've described, then she's wearing the wrong size clothing which is a whole separate issue in itself. Children don't have bellies "so big" that T-shirts won't stretch over them - they just need the next size up

You seem to want to do anything but admit that sometimes, parents are doing the wrong thing. Most fat kids are fat because they are eating too much of the wrong thing and are not being given the opportunity to run around. A small child wearing clothes that fit but are several sizes bigger than their age doesn't make it better.

Yes...

I'm would assume this is for an easy life. This is deemed more important than the childs health

Doesn't excuse mass overfeeding her child though, which is nothing short of child abuse.

the mother (or father) are duty bound to sort their own issues out and not pass them onto their kids.

I think this is the most shocking thing I've read in a while. There are much taller healthy adults who weigh 2 stone less!

Perhaps try reading the rest of my post where I said exactly the same as you?

I quite literally said the child is clearly being fed the wrong food and would benefit from more physical activity.

I haven't defended the parents at all. Quite the opposite.

My point was that no child should have clothing that doesn't cover their stomach - they need to be in the next size of clothing up. I also said that's a separate issue from them being fed the wrong type of food, which would clearly seem to be the case.

Maybe quote my full post next time rather than picking out a selective couple of sentences that can be read out of context.

Parent of 3 food restricted kids (not out of choice, at least one is autistic).
They ate at various times two or three safe foods only.
At one point it involved pancakes, walkers french fries and croissants.
They always had an appetite, now they are 11,9,7 I can't stock up fast enough.
BUT they are muscular, thin and healthy weight.
They were always very active, walked miles a day, even at 2 (I don't drive).
I don't think it's as simple as bad food = obese.
Lots to do with physical exercise.

I think some of it has to do with luck of the draw if that makes sense. My child aged 6 is very active and will ask for fruit and had amazing self regulation around sweets. So much so that I can leave sweets on the side and he never helps himself. When he has playdates we now have to hide his sweets as his friends don't seem to ask nor have a cut off switch. He was at a playdate recently and the mum commented on how he ate the same punt as he son who is fairly overweight but also mentioned he asked for fruit for pudding as he hadn't eaten enough fresh stuff ( I don't push healthy or bad food h we all seems to have taken a school lesson to heart) he also runs and moves a lot naturally so that probably also factors into his build. None of that is down to me I don't think. Lastly it's just hm and me and I am on a great salary so can afford really good quality fresh food which I recognise not everyone can do.

This is what I came to say.
Op I agree with you on the food but being in a buggy may only suggest they're close enough for the parent to walk but too far for a little one to manage.

I think it's a combination of factors. Yes, being in restricted economic circumstances/having your own issues doesn't excuse not supporting your children to be active and healthy, but there are lots of parents who either are under a lot of pressure or aren't coping very well with life and so aren't going to be able to bring their A-game to parenting. You can blame them but actually it's entirely predictable that their children will suffer unless more outside support is offered.

Some parents don't "see" it and there is a huge variation of views over what actually constitutes a healthy diet for children and the extent to which children are able to self-regulate. I struggle with this latter point myself - I have one child who will take a few licks of an ice-cream and then hand it to me to finish (not helping with my own weight 😂) and then I have another child who will eat stolidly to the end of the cone even if not really hungry. And although I don't generally agree with forcing kids to eat, both would mostly leave their food, especially vegetables, unless gently encouraged to eat it.

One of the best protectors against child obesity imo is communal active play. Kids should play outside together as much as possible, either in after-school club or take them to the playground after school or at weekends to run around. As a parent, you soon notice if your child is visibly more unfit or lacking in stamina than the other children playing and can take action to help them get fitter and healthier.

There could be lots of reasons, but regarding the not walking - my daughter is 3 and a half. She struggles with walking, is forever being asked, "are you drunk?" Because she wobbles, which is worse when she's tired. Walking anywhere with her is a nightmare as she falls over every 2 minutes. She's only recently started walking more as her baby brother came along and I didn't want to use a double buggy, but I do regret that decision as it's so hard to walk with her, and I'm terrified of being judged because she'll be 4 this year and still needing a buggy. She's actually seeing a paediatrian for it. The other parents could feed their child more healthily, but you have no idea what problems they may have that you're unaware of.

I have 4dc and never had an issue with my 3dds but my ds (ND) was overweight as a young child. He was 8lb at birth but very quickly put on weight (exclusively bf and not weaned until almost 6 months). I always gave him healthy food but he always wanted more, he didn't seem to have a stop button! I asked the hv for help and I made a food diary but all she said was it was good to see a child who enjoyed a varied diet. Ds had asthma and when on prednisone he would go absolutely nuts about food - taking food out of cupboards etc. I did feel judged but I did bring his weight under control eventually. He is now a slim 6 foot 21 year old. I certainly wasn't giving him chocolate for breakfast.

There’s a lot of assumptions in this
post and personally I feel that you should concentrate on your own life and not worry about others.
Unfortunately not all mothers can follow your example of text book mum (which you must be if you feel in a position to judge others), maybe that mother is trying her best, maybe she’s not had any guidance in life, maybe the child is SEN or maybe you should just stop being unkind.

The what ifs don’t change anything? Except they do. What if the child is on steroids? What if the child appears fat because she has a condition that means she gains weight?

That’s not lazy parenting. And before you start saying ‘give the kid a carrot stick instead’ - have you ever encountered a hungry child on steroids?

I knew someone like this. Single mum, she was big, her family were big. That was how she was taught to parent and love her child, and she did love her, she was her world.

Sometimes it is because people have never been taught to parent or cook, either though neglect or care experienced, or as simple as their parents didn’t know.

Or there might be something medical you aren’t aware of.

I think you should mind your own business. It’s one thing being concerned for a child you know and you know why they’re overweight. It’s another to come and post on a forum about some poor kid you see on the school run. What’s that going to achieve?

If you’re so concerned, get off Mumsnet and report the mum. I’m sure SS would love a report about a kid eating chocolate at 8 in the morning 🥴

This. We have to walk to drop my eldest off at school before walking in the opposite direction to drop my youngest at nursery which takes about 30 mins in total. He walks for a lot of it but does sit in the pram towards the end often. Assuming someone lives local so should be walking and then judging them for it if they’re using a pram is nuts!?

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It is neglect in most cases as far as I'm concerned. Yes, there will be a small number of cases where there are other issues at play but when I was at school in the 80s there was only ever 1 fat kid in a class and I imagine if we saw a child that size now they probably weren't even that fat.
Although I say it is neglect there are a hell of a lot of societal issues at play now that make it more difficult to feed a child a healthy and nutritious diet.

Agree. So tired of all of the excuses trotted out.

It's neglect if not outright abuse. So is lack of exercise.

I don't know...I think some parents just have no idea about nutrition and think it's normal to give kids loads of crap. Maybe it keeps her quiet, maybe they just see it as feeding her, maybe they hate healthy food themselves and fill up on biscuits when they're hungry.

Both me and hubby are bigger and I made sure my kids were average size. We couldn't afford healthy food but I made sure portions were proper size and we were always out the house which helped them keep a healthy weight

You have no idea what you are talking about