to ask why would you overfeed your child?

[ineedtoknowwhy]

I'm sure this question has been asked before but, please, can someone explain to me why would a parent overfeed an already obese child?

Every day when I drop my daughter off at nursery I see the same little girl being dropped off too. She is always on her buggy which suggest they live nearby so could potentially walk but never ever do. At pick ups is the same, straight from nursery into buggy. Her face is always covered in chocolate (at 8 in the morning!) and she is always holding some sort of biscuit or chocolate belly so big her shirts don't come below her belly button. I am not talking about a bit chubby, or with a bit of a belly.

I cannot help to think poor child whose mum is happy to keep feeding her biscuits, chocolates, etc. when the child is clearly not in a healthy weight.

I can't help but silently judge her in my head so please can someone explain reasons for this. If you are a mum with an overweight child, why would you do this?

Working in a field where I tell parents their child is overweight them make suggestions on how they can help them eat better I can honestly say a lot of parents are either in denial or they feel bad for not making the child happy and feeding them their ‘favourites’. If a parent didn’t feed their child it would be neglect but over feeding is classed as ok.

Of course there maybe medical issues or SEN but a lot of it is lazy parenting or lack of education

Very brave OP 🫣

I know a women that lives near me. Both of her children are obese but her youngest daughter is extremely obese. It’s actually heart breaking because she’s only 7 and has full on breasts (fat breast not actual breasts). The Mum is obese but the Dad is not. The mum in the family is the one that dominates their household (mum very loud and forceful. dad quiet and happy if he can be left alone to play Xbox after work and smoke his rollies)

I honestly think for this household (and many others) it’s a lack of knowledge on how best to feed children, especially when it’s something that the adults struggle with. It’s bizarre though because the mum goes into the school complaining everytime someone bullies her daughter because she’s overweight and I’ve heard her say ‘I was bullied all my life because of my weight and it’s not nice’ yet the Penny hasn’t dropped that the way she can stop it is by helping her daughter with her weight. Honestly the poor thing can barely run, she’s always red faced and she wants dress up clothes that she can’t have because she’s too big 😞

I wonder if health professionals should be intervening to help them out

My boys are both slim but not skinny and I find people comment on them being ‘thin’ - they really aren’t, they are what very active sporty children should look like! The eldest swims 5 times a week and does other sports as well (athletics, rugby/cricket, and surfing) and eats a healthy diet. My other son is a very slightly sturdier build but still slim as again he is very sporty and trains a lot (swimming, rugby, middle distance running, and surfing) and yet he seems so much slimmer than a lot of his primary school friends. A
mum at school the other day, whose son is the same height as mine, but is clearly obese, was boasting about how she has to buy him age 15-16 trousers and take the legs up. She was saying it proudly which surprised me. My son is tall-ish so is 11, in age 12-13 shorts and shirts, but her son needs the extra waist room not leg length.

So not only does the size of a lot of children these days shock me, but also their lack of fitness. The rugby club my youngest plays at, he is the only one who can run two laps of the pitch without stopping - even I can do that as a 44 year old recovering from cancer! But these 10 and 11 year olds can’t, and I guess it’s because they are much more sedentary than my children, who even when they aren’t at sports training, tend to play outside quite a lot. I think too much screen time, not enough physical movement and a poor diet is the cause of a lot of child obesity, and the reason behind that is largely lazy parenting unfortunately. I’m not perfect by any stretch but I am not a lazy parent.

Because she has terrible parent(s) who abuse their child.

It's difficult, I know a woman who has been overweight all her life and due to her constant going on about weight her daughter is bulimic. The trouble is bigger people eat bigger portions and unfortunately dish out similar portions to their kids. Though in some cases being overweight can be genetic.

I've seen this o er the years with in laws and other Mums. I'll talk about one, my SIL. She herself was morbidly obese, having been allowed to do what she wanted, when she wanted. She,was pregnant at age 16, same pattern and let her DC help themselves to whatever they wanted whenever. She would take multi pack of crisps up to the bedroom, 2l bottles of cola etc. All lived in the same house and her Mum looked after the grandchild as Mum would sleep all day and disappear to friends to take drugs. So of course, her daughter became morbidly obese as well, stayed off school a lot, spent her weekends sleeping bit fortunately didn't pick up other bad habits. She became pregnant at 17, so the pattern continues...All on UC, buy takeaways often, self labelled victim attitudes.

My DH is the opposite of his sister, works hard, into fitness and we both have rules about food for own own DC. No eating in bedrooms, sugary treats at weekend, takeaway once a week max at weekend, encourage fresh air and activity.

Also schools encourage parents to attend classes for support and to educate them as many aren't always aware. I helped with some of these and the,sessions were always supportive, kind and informative.

@ColdWaterDipper my ds was overweight as a young child, though he had a healthy diet. He has ASD and also bilateral sensory processing disorder which makes him uncoordinated. It was a struggle for him at primary school as he couldn't catch a ball, was useless at football and the other children used to deliberately bully him to do things that meant he'd fall over! He was also non verbal until he was about 7 when we started paying for private speech therapy. At age 11 he was awarded scholarships to 2 public schools and decided to go for the 'sporty' all boys one. It was the making of him, they encouraged him to find his sport and now he is at university he is paid by the university to mentor other students who need help getting active.

I have a young child who is overweight according to his BMI although he doesn’t really look it (or am I in denial?😂) and another young child who is underweight. It’s a nightmare trying to feed one up whilst trying to slim the other one down. I try and do lots of exercise with them.
I guess you don’t know another persons situation until you’ve walked in their shoes.

Its what people eat though, isn't it? Not just how much. in fact if their food was nutrient-dense and not just empty calories junk, they would eat less anyway as the food would be more sustaining. And its not just about weight. unhealthy eating causes all kinds of terrible health problems. Imo its cruel to not feed a child properly.

I have three kids. We only drink water. We eat homemade meals together as a family at the table every breakfast and dinner. We rarely have dessert other than fruit or yoghurt. We never order takeaway. We are vegetarian. We have sweets once a week. My kids do an activity afterschool 4 nights a week - dancing, gymnastics, football, swimming etc. we walk to school and back each day and do lots of active activities at the weekend, often swimming again, climbing wall, days out walking around the zoo etc. Two of my kids are a perfect weight for their height, one is quite overweight. Overweight people aren’t all lazy chocolate scoffers.

Cousin's DW always used to get upset that DD would feed her own DD (cousin's GD) a very unhealthy diet. A huge amount of carbs, amongst other things, which resulted in the child being very obese. The DD is now 30 and is still very obese. It must be severely impacting her health. Oddly enough, the older half-sister is an average weight, so not quite sure what went on there.

My son is SEN. We do our best (banana porridge for breakfast, no sweets etc), but he won't touch any vegetables and his only fruit is bananas. He's officially overweight, but he's super strong and much more muscular than his brother, so when I mentioned it to my GP she just laughed. I'm also still using pushchair on and off as he's super fast, but such a danger to himself running into the road. I know some of this isn't ideal, but sometimes you just have to do what you can to make it possible to hold down a job and keep a household functioning. You could always try being friendly to the mum and keeping your thoughts to yourself. You never know, you might be able to gently help. I'm sure she is aware... Perhaps just exhausted...

I used to get people suggesting I was underfeeding my child. The child who has always been exactly the right weight for their height. That isn't to say they didn't eat their fair share of rubbish. I think some people just can't see what a healthy weight looks like anymore. There also seems to be a huge culture of snacks now rather than meals (which I'm happy to include 11am/3pm drink and biscuits or fruit in). Just constant eating of rice cakes and fruit pouches etc.

They should be learning these skills at home! Not everything is the governments fault.

to answer your question OP it’s probably a combination of feeding the child to keep them quiet and that so many people in society want to eat all the bad shit because they like it and why shouldn’t they have it? nobody should tell them what to do or pass judgement etc. this attitude is then passed down to their children.

It's often a lack of education and knowledge on what to eat.

Though I found you post title goody. The 'you' doesn't apply to me. My children are very slim and eat healthily.

He is absolutely huge and I genuinely do not know what the answer is as he has so many professionals involved who must feel like they are talking to a brick wall.

The answer is it's absolutely none of your business. Maybe take up some hobbies to occupy your mind.

My daughter has just told me about one of her classmates because she is genuinely worried about them, and thinks they may be very unwell. They were late to a lesson on the top floor of the school because of the stairs, and arrived red, sweating and so breathless they were still panting several minutes later. Apparently PE lessons are very difficult. At lunch they often take 2 or 3 desserts and always get seconds, or ask their friends to get some on their behalf when the staff cut them off. It's so hard to know what to do. Apparently they do extra PE sessions and food intake is monitored at school as far as possible, but it's impacting their education and health now. I wish there was an easy solution.

I agree with you OP, it is so sad and I always wonder why people do this to their children. But as others have said, it is often lack of education, or denial. Processed food is designed to be addictive sadly

As grossly overfed child myself, obese at the age of 4 and six stones at the age of 6 and a lifetime struggle with weight, I would be very concerned for this little girl. There is a possibility that she has health problems that might involve cortico-steroids, these are notorious for causing hunger, weight gain and ’moon face.’ Are there any school health ’milestone checks’ these days? Otherwise I don’t think outside interference would be kindly received.

what has that got to do with anything in this topic?!

My mum grew up in a house where food was not always available. They often went to bed hungry and she often talks about fainting as a child and not having the energy to play. Their birthday treat was having a full tummy.

She married a farmer who promised her food would always be abundant, and she fed us constantly, in her eyes 'being a good parent means your child never feels hunger'.

We were all big, some much larger than others. Some of us have overcome it now, and some have not.

Fat kids are often signs that there is something lacking with the parent. Knowledge on what healthy food is, the ability to recognize their children are overweight and knowing what to do about it.

Part of my job involves helping parents provide healthy food for children, and you know what, it's tough out there. Generally, people are doing their best with what they have. Money goes further and it takes far less energy to cook beige freezer food than it does fresh healthy food which may be rejected.

Well is says it says fairly early on in the OP:

‘She is always on her buggy which suggest they live nearby so could potentially walk but never ever do. At pick ups is the same, straight from nursery into buggy.’

so quite a lot.

I know someone like this. She has 3 children of her own who are quite overweight. She posts their lives constantly on social media (has done from birth -several posts a day) including the meals. They are huge portions and very high carb and sugar. I’m surprised no one has commented thus far. I think she feeds them what they want because she absolutely loves them to bits. This is her giving love. Other than the diet she is a brilliant mum. To be clear, the children are not SEN and are very intelligent.