Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

This is going to sound harsh and hard but get an IVA and clear your debt. You are then blacklisted for 6 years but you don't want credit again. Push your outgoings, on paper, to the max allowed, hopefully your advisor will tell you. Then your single payment will be far lower than what you are paying now and you will have money in your pocket. You will also not get hassled by anyone.

This was my experience so it is only my single opinion. Most people are scared to death of bad credit but at 49 I had had enough of treading water and working hard to never get anywhere. Bad credit is bad but not if you have piece of mind and never want credit again. That is the only question, will you need credit in the next 6 years? Sounds hard but not having any is a small sacrifice for having zero debt!!!

Good luck

I haven’t read the full thread just the OPs. Regarding the glasses - vision express do a monthly payment deal which can work out cheaper than paying outright. If you go for the less expensive frames you could get new glasses for a similar price a month as a streaming subscription. Pick your least viewed and swap that for new glasses.

Completely understand your frustration.
Went through a similar experience when DH and I left corporate jobs to become self employed with a teenage daughter mortgage etc. I was a nurse left for same reasons as you completely burnt out after 25 years starting aged 18.
Lived on Tesco value food and no holidays two 'vintage' cars!
If it makes you feel any better both our business have thrived. Took us both 3 years to get established but now we pick our hours and clients the freedom is wonderful.
Our daughter grew up grounded and with a good work ethic and has a fab well paid job she's worked hard for.
Now she's a parent to a toddler we've loaned her money for a car no interest asked for. If she can't fully pay it back it's not the end of the world for us financially or emotionally!
She is very grateful for all this support.
We babysit one day a week to keep down nursery costs. Always buying our grandson clothes and toys ( second hand mostly) plus baking toddler food for him regularly. We are blessed to have him and happy to help but not all grandparents are able to offer this or want to.
Im sorry for families who dont have granparent support but its our privildge to have a beautiful grandson and we could not imagine being any different.
We still budget, save regularly, meal plan dont eat out much or get take aways.
Car loans are hideous we agree but sometimes inevitable.
Wishing you all the best dont let it get you down. Hope the support you get here helps.

Could you work one shift a week in the nhs?

That would pay into your nhs pension and would give you a financial cushion.
i don’t know what you did, but if you did one day at the weekend or a Friday night shift then not need childcare.

or cut out 2 Costa trips a month and Disney or Netflix.

WTF.

Ok bin the subscriptions totally
ditch the cars for a van
your self employed in what
do you do. Do you fall within ir35 if not go ltd
does your own business make money
what rough level
do you employ anyone and if so do you really need them ?
examine what your direct debits are
do you absolutely need them? If not bin them
anyway of you insurances auto renewal set stop them
real examin what’s going out of your bank account and stop what you don’t absolutely need. Companies have a way of helping themselves without you realising who they are and what it’s for ?
if ecececery set up a new bank account
And only set up absolutely essential debits . Mortgage
and stop the utilities helping themselves without do it on reading only

Yup…they’re usually swiftly followed by the ‘you only get £70k? You need to get a better job and earn £200k then’

this place sucks

You have definitely done the right think changing careers. Do what makes you happy X I have recently done the same and was terrified at the leap and drop in income BUT as im now working so close to home I can get the train 3 stops and have handed back my PCP car which was £447 a mth. I didn’t want to see it go BUT the balloon pymnt was coming up in July and I don’t have £14k to settle outright and the thought of refinancing it and still having it not reduce by much due to the interest rates made me feel sick, finance is like q noose round the neck. I was also trapped in a job i started to detest, dreading everyday, getting more n more anxious and depressed thinking is this all there is to my life? I’m done. So I quit and now have a job for half my old salary but I am so much happier and less stressed. Everything works out in the end

@Wharawho 2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

The thing that jumps out here is the PCP deal. £450 a month is a colossal sum of money.

Car manufacturers are greedy which is why they now try to force consumers into larger cars. PCP deals are a weapon used by car manufacturers to conceal how much you're actually paying.

Try to get a loan to buy a cheaper car (£5000 - £10000) outright. Cars like the Duster and Stepway are reliable and low cost.

(Why does a 6 and 7 year old need a car seat though?)

Hi, same boat here, salaries and house size wise, but I just have 1 DS at home now as the eldest already moved out - leaving us with £200 less to our monthly budget. finally seeing the end of the tunnel for the last 3 months only by checking closely our Amazon purchases and extra shopping trips through the month. We also set £150 for each of us to do whatever we wish. We managed to save a lot the last three months. As soon as we are paid £200 go straight to the savings - for holidays- so goes each penny left when we get the next pay.
I must confess that at the beginning I hated the excessive “control”, but to be honest, now that I can see the results is worth it !
we kept Amazon, Netflix. But down water bills, gas and negotiated a better price with Sky- literally fought for it !
We don’t do expensive coffee shops, nor dinning out. Although we budget for it. Take outs is rare as we love cooking and we follow a straight diet.
i used to be a childminder as well and I believe that’s what you do. I did for the same reasons, and managed to get a second hand car for £1000 cash to do it. Check your priorities. I don’t think that £450 a month for a car is reasonable at all. That would be my first thing to get rid of if I was in your situation and get something cheaper, cash.
i do understand your situation though and is hard, but does get better. Just requires a bit of thinking, prioritising and organisation. Good luck

Apologies if this has already been mentioned, but I’ve only read your posts. It could be helpful for both you and your husband to complete Rebel Finance School’s free online course on YouTube. It’s run by a couple who have been awarded MBE’s for services to financial education. However, the course is useful for anyone whatever their position. They are not selling anything and it’s very accessible learning. The 2025 course starts on 2 June and will be recorded and available on YouTube.

@Wharawho

I’m not seeing any suggestions that make much of a difference (looking at you in particular the ‘cancel the subscriptions’ squad)

ultimately, £70k is plenty to live on IF you have a manageable mortgage and low/no debts. If you have debts or a high mortgage then it isn’t. So it doesn’t matter whether people say you should manage or should earn more, it’s all irrelevant.

the only way people can give good advice on this would be to break down your actual incoming vs outgoings. It could be that you pay too much to service debt and could reduce that with a long term loan, it could be that you spend double the average for your household size on your monthly food shopping, can you share any of that information? Happy to help by PM if you don’t want to share on wider page.

but don’t cut out subscriptions that barely impact your disposable income, the loss from not having simple pleasures is greater than the cost saving on lots of things like this. You might need to be more frugal, but you don’t need to give up everything to get by.

Unfortunately I can’t give you any advice but just wanted to say that we are in a similar boat. Also had to get a larger car for same reason as you and I don’t treat myself to a thing. We bring in just over 80k and it’s still a struggle. Mortgage is £1200 per month. I even wait until the meat reductions at the supermarket and stick it in the freezer and batch cook to save money. I only buy sale clothes as well. We’ve considered living abroad because this feels to be very much a uk thing but I just can’t imagine started all over again which makes me feel trapped in this cycle. I understand you wanting to change career paths but a temporary part time evening job could help with renting a larger space for your business? Or get some of the debt off. It shouldn’t really be necessary but gone are the days when a family could live off one persons income. It’s horrible living month to month and can grind you down after a while. You are definitely not alone. I think it’s a common theme amongst families up and down the country. More than most would probably care to admit. I hope you manage to find a solution soon. Good luck

@Boreded I’m not seeing any suggestions that make much of a difference (looking at you in particular the ‘cancel the subscriptions’ squad)

PCP deal...?

I have trouble understanding how on £70k you can still be in debt. You have three kids so will get benefits too,and once on one lot of benefits all other benefits follow. I suppose my perspective is just different though,as I was left alone with one child after an abusive marriage, but I never have had a credit card or finance,never owed anyone anything,how?
Well, when we moved into the council house when my child was two, the dss gave me £50 to furnish the house (this was late 70s), i bought second hand, 2 single beds,a cooker,a fridge,and curtain fabric from which I handsewed one pair of curtains.We shared one bedroom(the one with curtains), and walked around on bare floorboards and sat on the floor.Nowadays,of course,councils fully carpet and put white goods in for new tenants but they didn't then. We had no holidays. I neither drank nor smoked,and we had a black and white tv.In 1984 I bought my first washing machine. I had to do it all by hand prior to that,hanging on the line drip drying. I had no car,walked everywhere as the bus cost money.
Over the years I gradually replaced the second hand stuff for new, as my income had increased to £5k by the 1990s. I even bought carpet for the living room then too. My wage was still only up to £ 17k pa at the point of retirement and still I owe nothing to anyone.
You can possibly see how I just don't get how anyone can owe money, you just can't have everything you want in life!

But at this point that is contracted in, so can’t just stop. So not really a helpful way to save at this point. You can’t just say…oopsie I’ve changed my mind

70k is not much after tax, though, is it? Unless you mean that you are 'bringing home 70k' AFTER tax, then you're actually supporting 5 people on much less.

WHHHHYYYYY!!!!!!

When will people stop it with the ‘that’s not much’ comments. It isn’t helping anyone.

£70k is enough, and it also isn’t, depending on debts and savings, committed outgoings vs bills that can be cut…

if you can’t help the op then move on.

Your household income is similar to ours. We have loans that come to about the same as your car finance. Our mortgage is about £150 a month less than yours and we live quite comfortably. Nothing flash, but an abroad holiday every year, meals and days out etc. we also run 3 cars (dd2 learning to drive and car is funded by us) and sort of run a 4th (dd1 pays own fuel and insurance but we tax and deal with repairs). What are you spending on food? Do you have to also pay for child care or a huge amount of fuel? Just trying to understand why you’re so skint.

Wow, haven't read the full thread but have read an insane number of people telling OP to 'quit the hobby job that will never be successful' and go back to a job she made clear was destroying her.

Going back to a job that was causing problems for your physical or mental health is not the one, and I don't consider quitting that a 'bad choice' made by OP either.

OP makes minimum wage from her business currently but pays no childcare - childcare for three kids is a huge expense and she'd likely need to be able to get a salaried job that pays 35k+ just to cover the extra they'd be paying in care. Potentially more depending on her area. So to have extra money she's looking at needing to earn 40kish? Those jobs don't grow on trees, especially for a career changer.

Calling her business a hobby job is frankly insulting. Making enough from a business to be able to pay yourself minimum wage after 2 years is good going, in fact.

OP, my cousin works in wedding services and has found it very lucrative - after 6 years she is able to pay herself close to what your whole household income is. She has never worked full time. BUT she is very dedicated to growing the business and puts in the effort with social media, marketing etc.

Stick with the business but see it as a valuable investment and behave that way - promote it properly, get the storage space you need - invest into it and into yourself and you'll make a go of it.

Meanwhile once you get out of the car and HMRC payments you'll have £750 a month extra anyway. Those are the areas to work on. Having a Costa twice a month isn't daddy warbucks behaviour. You'll be fine.

Hi Ally,

It is purely my opinion based on my circumstances. I struggled for years earning good money but still being skint. Now the debt is gone things are far better. But again, this is just what I did, it won't suit everyone. The original post needs ideas and see what may suit.

Posting WTF doesn't help anyone and there is no need for it. But I know this is just your opinion.

The simple fact is 70k is absolutely not what it used to be. You will be getting nothing extra on that income (other than child benefit) and the cost of living has gone through the roof. Add in renovating at an incredibly expensive time and your mortgage going up and its totally understandable you have very little left.

Although I totally sympathise with you, you can tell yourself that you’ll be bringing the kids up with a love of the outdoors/walks/picnics and those are absolutely our favourite family activities.

We are about 10k above you but DH’s job has the option to work extra shifts and there’s a bonus. Without that, holidays would be really difficult. I haven’t read all the replies but are there any options for overtime/anything either of you to earn extra at any point in the year?

Look for any deals you can with indoor type activities -
Amazon prime does cheap cinema tickets in the week (good in school holidays)
Tesco clubcard is amazing for days out/meals
National Trust gives away free passes
Cereal boxes for theme park tickets
Local leisure centre often has cheap sports/swimming activities. We have a huge pool inflatable near us which is a few pounds and the kids have a brilliant time.

If you have grandparents in your life (again sorry haven’t read replies), if they ask about Easter/Xmas pressies, ask for vouchers for family days out. We’ve all got enough ‘stuff’ so something like theatre tickets etc that you can all look forward to.

It will get easier and you also never know other people’s financial situation when it seems everyone has loads of money.

Exactly this.

I'm sorry I can't help the OP. My little observation is eating out i nthis country is a bad joke and I may never do it again. I can't afford it, and I can't be bothered.

We were lucky enough to have a holiday in Spain last year. Beautiful ol dcastle to visit, no car park charges, no entrance charges, lovely meal and drinks for a small amount.

Are you a balloon artist? I am imagining your car full of balloons!