Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

Sure, if you want to be really pedantic about it, if I left home at 18 it probably wouldn't have happened or at least not easily, but 25 is about the average age somebody does leave home in the UK, and I had that good fortune.
Some people get an early inheritance, or have rich parents who can gift them money for a deposit. We didn't, but had the good fortune of a few years of good saving instead. However that alone would not have done it. It was years of frugal living, and careful investments that made the difference.

I think your food bill is high. We are family of 4, 3 adults and one older child. Husband works from home 5 days a week, adult daughter does shifts and I am part time. We cook from scratch like you and are bill is around £400 a month. I would have a look at what your buy and cook as when I reviewed ours a little while ago I found that I was cooking things from scratch that I could buy cheaper.

In a very similar total income boat as you and yes, it’s tough. £1100 mortage a month and £300 can loan (only 10 months left on it then we can breathe again). What are your options with the car? That’s what’s crippling you right now. You’re generally better to buy something 3 years old with a loan than PCP.

You work in the wedding industry - so am I -you’re going well to be earning minimum wage two years in, most take 3 years to start drawing that. The industry is tough right now / what sector? Are you able to upsell to your clients?

eg if you’re a photographer can you upsell prints & albums, or video highlights. If you’re a dj can you add a photo booth option. If you’re a florist can you add chair bows etc. Feel free to PM for ideas.

Can you remortgage and increase the term to take pressure off?

@AllyCart I just assumed that those who earn more are more likely to have a larger mortgage to pay, more than one car , maybe a larger family or more pets etc….you live within your means and as the cost of living is massively high right now I just don’t know anyone who isn’t being effected by it, however frugal they are.

OP has a well above average lifestyle - kids are in clubs, new vehicle on PCP, pets with insurance, tv subscriptions, large food budget, money to spare for repairs and incidentals - I really, really can't see what the issue is other than others have more? OP really isn't struggling.

Of course they do. It was in response to the poster who specifically stated that £70k was not enough to have 3 children.

So how do the majority manage on less?

Minimum wage is £23,800 for a full time worker. So a minimum household income with 2 healthy people could be £47,600. That makes your £70k look nothing special. It sounds like a lot, but it’s not really.

having said that you admit that your business isn’t doing great, so sticking with that is a lifestyle choice. There are plenty remote jobs for 40-50k you could do around childcare (based on the fact you’ve had a previous career & capable of running a business)

Could you raise the fees that you charge for your wedding services? If the cost of living is going up, then maybe you need to raise your fees in line with that. You don't want to be running a charity by accident.

I have no idea how they do it! - I think that question is best asked to someone who is doing it. I’m only stating my opinion - that for me 70k is not enough for 3 kids. Is it possible?- i’m sure it is - the OP is doing it for example and she is entitled to feel how she feels. I can sympathise with her.

I hear you. Everything is so expensive these days. We are just about ok but it feels like every year it gets a little bit harder. Every few months with the weekly shop I have to either swap out more expensive items for cheaper ones or cut out a treat. I can do that of course but it's just disheartening!

It's depressing that in this country 2 working people are still struggling to make ends meet; can see why a lot of younger people see no point. I think it's admirable you have set up a business, small businesses add a lot of value (beyond monetary) to the country and should be supported. Depressingly though unless you can price your services higher (sounds like you could with how in demand you are) working in a soul destroying job would ease the financial burden- even these are really challenging to find in this job market though.

Why would a photographer need bigger premises? Or a DJ?

It’s 60k each which isn’t high.

You don't need a big expensive car. Get an older 7 seater make your bill cheaper

I'm here running a house as a single parent on 2500 a month plus maintenance and dla for one child.so 3200 ish. I pay my car 250 insurance mortgage 750 a loan everything else so it can be done.

You’re right - maybe florist or decor. If either of those OP is doing very well to turn profit within two years given the amount of stock required as a start up.

Those saying her business isn’t profitable enough don’t understand how small businesses work. You don’t earn big bucks within the first 5 years, and most wedding business never hit huge profits - most sole traders stay below VAT threshold on purpose.

The choices are not either be a stressed out nurse or have a business that’s only just started paying you min wage.

There are loads of pretty easy jobs where you show up, do something someone else tells you to do and then clock off and go home. Many evening and weekend jobs are like this (no childcare costs). Even a couple of shifts a week would make a big difference.

£450 for a car payment is mad. I’ve just bought a 2022 hybrid 5 seater and my payments are £200/ month. It’s a cheap car to run and will last years. There is absolutely no need whatsoever for you to have that payment.

Was OP a nurse? @BountifulPantry

She said she had a stressful job in the nhs but unless I've misread she didn't say what.

I think it was an admin role as she says she was earning loads more compared to

I think that over the thread someone said 'nurse' and posters have agreed.

The OP has a hobby job that is only apparently letting her pay herself NMW because she is not taking expenses into account.

In reality, she is paying £450 a month for a vehicle she wouldn’t need except for work. It also isn’t clear if she is deducting work fuel. There may be other expenses that she is paying from the salary she pays herself rather than paying them from the business then paying herself with what is left.

On top of that, it isn’t clear if she is saying she is paying herself £25,397 per year or if she means she is paying herself £12.21 per hour worked for the part time job (and if so, if she is making the classic mistake of only counting the time at each wedding or if she is counting prep time / travel time etc.).

Until she starts running her own business properly, she isn’t really in a position to coach / mentor anyone else.

Edited to say: I’m not trying to be unkind - these are very common mistakes and exactly why small business owners can be helped by mentors / coaches. I just don’t think the OP can be one when she doesn’t understand the financial side of how to run a small business herself.

Me too! We’re retired now but the highest our joint incomes ever got to was £41k! As retirees we rely on the state pensions with my small NHS one, so effectively even less 🤷🏼‍♀️
I sometimes wonder where we went wrong when reading about 6 figure salaries….

Give over, she’s talking about the small pleasures of living.

This.

Today dh had to buy cheap sunglasses on a credit card as he couldn’t drive in the sun otherwise, we have nothing in our banks to buy items like this without a credit card, we recently had a baby and everything is from Vinted and most things I buy there are also with a credit card. We earn almost 90k between us and in a london suburb, in a tiny flat. It’s depressing, I need to get Invisalign due to a dental problem, it will cost 4k, will need to take out a loan for it. We are lucky that we are able to pay our bills and have a small pot of savings for emergencies, we also save for our baby but it means we have little disposable income, it’s ridiculous to work and not be able to have luxuries.

edited to say we can’t afford another child.

This. If OP's business isn't bringing in sufficient funds, she needs either a fulltime job or to supplement her business with a part-time job.

Also get that monthly grocery bill down by at least 1/3. £700 a month is very indulgent.

Several local mums here do a couple of weekend bar shifts at the local pub and cricket club.

I agree. Sadly, her business acumen seems to be lacking.

Most people who run a business borrow in order to grow it- eg renting a lock- up for storage, for a start.

I agree that the minimum wage could be only a few hours a week or as you say close to £20K pa- OP won't say.

Too many life and business coaches?
What's that supposed to mean? @HairyToity
Some get clients very good results from a coach.