Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

[Wharawho]

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

We have a very similar household set up as are many of our friends and a few things they have done to help boost things are.

1. part time work in the eve in addition to own buisness a couple of times a week when the other parent is home from work so there are no childcare costs.
2. taking in international students that are placed with host families during their stay. They do it for the 6 weeks over the summer and their children move into one room for that amount of time to share (same sex siblings and close together in age)
3. sell on vinted etc things that they have picked up cheaply/free elsewhere, upcycle furniture.

I only do meat dishes a couple of times a week, and prepare a lot of veggie dishes. I try and batch cook as much as possible when I can be bothered, I know it saves money and I get cross with myself when I don’t.

As you like the National Trust.
Keep an eye out online for free passes. Sometimes available in The Daily Express but always advertised first online. All you have to do is buy the paper on any of the required days and you get 2 adults and 3 kids in for free at certain times of the year.

I would have a look at your food bill
Do you shop in any of the discount stores. We have three sons with huge appetites ( ages 24, 21and 21) and when they are home we don’t spent anything like you. We shop in Lidl ( using the Lidl app for freebies and the 10% discount ) and Aldi.

I know you aren’t considering new glasses at the moment but my sons and I just took advantage of the 2 for one offer at Specsavers
My sons (who don’t need varifocals but do need the glass thining ) got two sets for £160 one son and £195 the other as he went for sunglasses.
Mine were more pricey as I went for sunglasses for one and both sets needed thining and varifocals @ £635. ( but if I’d bought cheaper frames I could knock £200 off that even with the expensive glass prescription )
If you don’t need bi or varifocals and no thining you could get away with much lower
As an aside the thining is £70, £100 or £140 depending on how thin you want them to be.
I would pop into your opticians and ask for an estimate.

I think you’re spending a lot on food, the car finance and this hmrc thing and probably on some discretionary spends, on top of the fact that you are only paying yourself NMW. It sounds like you would be better off in employment.

We have a similar ish income. I’d say generally more than £70k, though Dh is a company director so isn’t strictly paid a salary every month. But I have cancer and have lost my job, so it’s less than £70k at the moment.

Our mortgage is £1700 a month, but we have no car payments (3 cars technically but bought outright).

£400-500 a month on food shopping. It’s usually £100-150 a week. In the summer especially we grow a lot of our own food and we have chickens for eggs, which keeps cost down (and we sell them too which pays for their food). Still growing some kale and herbs and easy to grow but expensive to buy food does make a difference.

We don’t generally pay for childcare as Dh has flexibility, being self employed, that we can work around each other.

I think if you shaved £300 off your food shopping, got rid of the car payment or found a way to more creatively pay for it pre-tax via your business if you need it for business purposes (I know this can be a real pain), and paid off this hmrc bill, life would be a lot different. That would be an extra £1100 a month or so? Or even more, £1300 a month if you cut childcare costs by working more flexibly.

More down to all the free housing, than being "careful" then?

Are you pricing right for your services?

You mentioned in a post that in this industry you have to take bookings 2 years in advance.

That sounds like there could be scope for a lot of competition which means you can assess whether you're pricing your services at a reasonable rate for the skill, time and effort you're putting in.

When you're self employed the only real 2 ways of increasing your income are to a. Work more hours or b. Increase your rates.

This is like I wrote this post x we don’t have any debt. Just bills and mort like yours. Cars are 10 yr old and paid for. We have like £200 left after pay and our car breaks cost £100 this month. A treat is ordering desert at Asda shop. And we both work full time. I’m trying to pick up a second job 🙄
we haven’t had a holiday in 4 years. Trying to renovate a house doing jobs ourself. We take a flask to the seaside for a day trip as a treat now and then. It’s redick. I’m sure most people that have holidays and nice cars are prob sinking in payments.
we are like slaves.

follow Dave Ramsey on utube and fb . Make yourself a spreadsheet. All bills on one. All income on the other and every month give each pound a place. This has really helped me see where we can cut bk and it’s helped massively. Just seeing it and being in control better.
xxx

Thanks @AliceMcK
I’m taking notes too and definitely going for that great idea with the flask and hot dogs
💐

We've never had cars on finance - it's an expensive way of doing things. We bought our current car brand new six years ago (£10k - a basic Dacia) and took out a bank loan over five years. It cost £180 a month. New cars are more expensive now, so I'd get a second hand car with a lowish mileage next time.

£700 for a monthly food bill seems quite high. For 4 adults I usually spend £400 a month. That's with meal planning and cooking from scratch.
Could you look at where you shop? Could you shop somewhere cheaper?

The food bill is a bit high given only 2 adults and no teens.

sorry not read the full thread but this stuck out at me

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs

So if you go the month without car repairs and house repairs buying school clothes.(surely they aren’t monthly expenses) you choose free stuff to entertain the kids etc Then you can save £160

I am in the position of earning just enough to keep everyone fed and pay my council tax. I am sinking without any help from anyone so when I see posts like yours I wonder what the hell are you complaining about.

How big are your car seats that justify having to pay £400+ per month. Wasn’t there a single older car that could take 3 car seats. I know mine and adult dc’s cars which are much older cars are capable of taking 3 car seats and none cost more than £850

Honestly Dave Ramsey show gave me passion to make it better. We have gone from having £200 pm left to nearly £500.
it forces you to look at everything and with money it’s about taking control of it. The spreadsheet you create is hard to go through but burying ya head is far worse. It’s never as bad as you think when you spend time to go through it all and it makes you stronger as a couple. Makes you a team x

His great advice on debt is start from the smallest and pay off to largest. It’s empowering. Then when it’s gone you start to save.

you have to work togeather. Live on rice and beans. Work extra. Sell anything you can. Get rid of the cars loans and get the cheapest banger you can until You get on top.

it’s doable but it takes some graft 💪🏻 x

I agree that 70k for 5 is going to be quite a struggle. I have two DDs- one now an adult working and independent and one at uni. When they were both at home full time, there were only 4 of us on about 95k - this was pre Covid and the cost of living crisis and that was not a squeeze but I wouldn’t have had a car on finance payment with such high monthly payments. That is a significant chunk.

I do wonder if you are properly costing your business expenses. If you took out monthly cost of car plus fuel are you still able to
pay yourself min wage? Are you including paid travel time? I think you’d probably be better off employed tbh.

I don't think it's uncommon for people to leave home in their mid-20's even back in the 2000's? My partner is younger than I am and we purchased our house in our 20's with our own savings (nothing given). The only advantage we had is that I had lived at home until 25 so could save more of my earnings. My partner had left home at a younger age, but was able to live rent free for a few years . We saved from a young age (basically as kids) to live without debt, and couldn't have done that without frugal living.

Thanks for answering, it must be lovely to be mortgage/rent free, and also lovely that both your families were able to support you.

I'm hoping to help my DC out a bit by letting them live at home if they want to in their early-mid 20s so they can save a good chunk towards a property. My eldest DC is planning to try and save £60-70k over the next 4 years. We won't be able to gift them large sums of money so this is how we can offer to help.

I think anyone in a comfortable financial position at the moment is so lucky (probably also combined with frugality!)

I do wonder if people with the nice big holidays etc are paying for it all on credit! I think annoyingly at the moment life is tight whatever you earn and there’s little room for cutting down. All I find that works is having a strict weekly budget for food etc but that’s obvious! Could you manage with only one car? When I was growing up my family didn’t have a car and we had loads of family days out, we would just get the bus, and that was a family of 6! Would save on repairs, insurance, petrol etc.
I wouldn’t cut out Netflix/Disney/costa as you need some little pleasures in life. If it’s within budget that’s fine.
if it makes you feel any better I also shop at primark/ supermarkets/vinted for clothes and use primark skin care and makeup!
it is hard comparing your life to others but people only share what they want you to see and I promise you that most people aren’t living that way at the moment! Things like going out for meals, drinks etc are for special occasions and I don’t know anyone who isn’t in a tight budget at the moment….even those who just eat moss and make their own reusable loo roll 😂

I think as a parent, if you can give your children some extra years of being able to live (if they want and/or need to) at home as a young adult, and certainly contributing something towards costs, but only as much as the parent might require, then those first few years, if not squandered, can really give you a major foothold.

These days in particular, there is so much crippling debt, that an opportunity to lessen it earlier in life is really a blessing.

I still live frugally today; I don't go to the cinema, I don't dine out, I drive an old second-hand car, I grow my own food, and maintain a small food forest, I keep my own chickens, very rarely buy new clothes, and basically don't spend unless absolutely necessary. It allows me to live on a smaller wage that also gives me a lot more free time to pursue my own interests, which includes the garden and the growing of food, which in turn is a pretty good form of exercise.

I love the honesty of this post

I think you're a little delusional about how common it is for both of you to have had that much help. Well done, and I'm sure you worked hard as well, but the free housing how you did it really.

Hi OP
I think your situation is more common than you think. Mortgage,3 kids etc etc
Myself and others have lived similarly like you when kids were young.
Frustrating but real

@aphroditeflighty I hope they don't squander the opportunity, I guess that would be life lesson if they did!

They are fairly sensible, as they have got older we have talked about the economic realities of our family's situation. I can't force them to save but I will strongly encourage it. Have a decent nest egg would be so beneficial for them- either that or aim for a high paying career!

@Bobbieiris

I do wonder if people with the nice big holidays etc are paying for it all on credit! I think annoyingly at the moment life is tight whatever you earn and there’s little room for cutting down.

I'm not sure, personally. I think probably quite a lot do use credit, but certainly plenty don't too. We don't use credit for anything at all and have expensive cars and 'big' holidays, etc.

With regard to it 'being tight whatever you earn', I suppose that assumes people spend whatever they earn, no matter how much that is?

I know plenty of people - ourselves included - who spend far, far less than they have coming in.

I certainly don't mean to rub anyone's nose in it, but there does seem to be a common misconception that 'everyone' is getting into debt and spending everything they earn when it's not the case, and I think believing it is the case encourages some people to think they might as well just rack up debt themselves.

I'm sure there must be some fat you can trim around the edges there. My circumstances aren't that dissimilar to yours, and I get by on just over 2k a month household income. Single parent, 3 dc, mortgage down to 500 a month (glad I massively overpaid while rates were low else it'd be 1k a month now). We live cheaply but my kids don't go without. They've never had a foreign holiday though, just camping. And I need a bigger house - 2 of my dc are sharing a small bedroom. So if I had more income I could certainly spend it!

I totally agree with you. Why do people do this? We all know what the original post is and what we are replying to. It infuriates me.