To expect a thank you for wedding gift?

[TheMauveBeaker]

Younger family member got married in January this year, couple already lived together in their own house so ‘traditional’ wedding gifts weren’t required. If anyone wanted to give a gift, they requested cash towards a honeymoon to be taken later, All of my family members gave cash, in cards, which were collected at the reception. Nobody has received a thank you, written, verbal or digital.
Is it no longer a thing to send a thank you, whether it’s a text, a printed card or (highly unlikely) a handwritten note? I genuinely wondered whether it’s a generational thing?

YABU - nobody does that anymore
YANBU - the newly-weds should have sent/made some kind acknowledgment

When I got married we did do thank you cards and used our wedding photos to make them. Our photographer did give us an early snapshot of two or three photos and we were able to use one of those but perhaps this is what they're wanting to do and their photos aren't ready yet. I agree it's very rude not to provide a thank you note.

I’m late-20s and have been to a few similar-aged couples in the last few years, and everyone but one has texted thank you the next day. I’m still grouchy over the couple that didn’t say thank you for the cash. We obvs didn’t do it for the thank you, but it’s just plain rude.

wehad the same
3 or 4 months later , a beautiful thank you card arrived.

I'm saying yabu as we sent our thank yous 6 months later. I would give them up to a year.

We got married in 2023 and like the wedding you went to, had been living together for some time prior so most guests gave us money or Mr & Mrs type things. We sent texts to people to thank them if we knew we wouldn’t see them for a while or if we saw them in person soon after the wedding said thank you then but made sure everyone knew that their gift was appreciated by us. It’s just common courtesy and manners IMO.

Rude. I got married a couple of years ago and sent everyone a card

18 months?! I did it within the month

We’ve never received a thank you post any weddings we went to….

Aah a bit off topic but this reminded me I sent a (now former) friend £50 for her child’s thirteenth.

Before that I had often got her presents but as she was getting a wee bit older and her tastes were clothes and makeup I’d just sent money.

The girl mums ie. My former friend sent me a text complaining about relatives who had sent a present or money but hadn’t texted their daughter happy birthday.

I felt she was hinting that I should have texted her daughter despite the fact I was making an effort to drop by to see her the next day at her party.

It was so entitled, she couldn’t be bothered ensuring her child texted to say thanks to Aunt Yodelohoo but yet she was throwing digs about me not texting.

And note she never ever got a present for my birthday and I don’t have kids, so it was all one-sided in terms of gift giving. So you’d think the least she could’ve done was ask her kid to say thank you!

That was the last time any of her children received a present from me 😂

I know.

I have five young cousins (their parents are my second cousins) in their late 20s/early 30s. I hope I'm not going to die off any time soon, but if I do there will be quite a bit of money; a life-changing amount for each of them. That was how my will was made out.

But the last couple of years I have sent wedding gifts, housewarming gifts, baby gifts, birthday cards, etc. and not received a single thank-you. I did get one postcard with just my street address, no name or salutation, and a printed generic "thank you for your gift." Big deal.

No acknowledgement at Christmas; even when I join family celebrations and try to make small talk. So the hell with it.

I saw my solicitor last year and re-did my will so that a seven-figure sum will go to elephant rescue in Africa & India, and other animal welfare causes. Nothing for the relatives. My jewelry will be sold and the proceeds also sent to animal causes.

They could have bought themselves more than a quarter million tax-free apiece with a few minutes' effort but couldn't be bothered. Neither am I, any more. C'est la vie.

It was a verbal interaction and I just sort of said "oh... right..." and left it.

But this was quite a few years ago and I was younger and much less confident and bolshy than I am now 😆

I lugged the bloody thing all the way from the south of England right up to the Highlands of Scotland where the wedding was too, just to give it to her. Bloody great heavy thing in my suitcase on buses and trains. Which, incidentally I also had to pay for, along with my accommodation.

I'm not friends with her anymore, neither is she still married.

It's really up to the couple. If we're going to complain about them not following tradition, you can't also be annoyed you've not been sent a link to their wedding photos! I'd hate for anyone to have a load of pics of me and most likely they won't actually own all the photos taken anyway. So they might not a have a public link to send.

Yeah tbh I most likely would have just left it too. Easier said than done to call people up on their rudeness in the moment.

Not surprised you’re not friends with her anymore!

You can leave that seven figure sum to me if you like, I will happily be your cousin and send you a thank you note every single day for the rest of your life and make all the conversation with you that you desire 😜

I just got married and we will be sending all our guests a thank you card along with a printed photo of us with that guest/family. For those who gave a gift, we requested nothing, we will include a short hand written note thanking them for their gift. Google etiquette says thank you notes should be sent up to 3 months after the wedding.

Lol at the 13% who think YABU. Further proof, if any needed, that Mumsnet is riddled with trolls and twits.

Rude!

I would have thought at the very least a digital photo of the bride and groom sent by email and a generic message thanking guests for attending and for their generous gifts.

We always get thank you cards but it does seem to be about 6 months later. My nephew got married last September and we haven't got one yet which is surprising. My ds was at a wedding last October and he got a lovely card this week and some photos enclosed which was a nice touch. So l would nt give up yet.
It's extremely rude in my book not to send a card.

It took me about 2.5 months to write them all, as I would write a couple most days of the week, With your DH doing the same, that covers 240 letters (and probably most guests were a couple) so you obviously had a big 'do'. Well done.

I have always received a thank you letter. My niece and her DH wanted to include a photo of whatever they put the financial gift towards, so I got a picture of them in their new kitchen 10 months after the wedding. I had almost given up but it just shows it's worth hanging on Op!

The same thing happened to me, I went to a wedding in February, my cousin's daughter and her partner, they have already bought a house and lived together for several years so asked for money for their honeymoon. It had to be transferred to a bank account and there has been no acknowledgement, never mind a thankyou. It's just so rude and bad mannered.
Another cousin's daughter (on DH's side) got married. Same situation, they bought a house several years ago. They sent an email link for their "wedding list" which was to pay for experiences on their exotic honeymoon on a tropical island somewhere. The examples were things like a couple's massage for £100, afternoon tea for two, £50 each. The most expensive was for their business class flights. These days, too many people are so money grabbing. They didn't say thank you either.

I always send thank you notes however my cousin got married last month and had a bereavement immediately after so had told me she is holding off on the thank you's or it seems off. She has them all ready to send. Could it be something like that? Otherwise agreed it's not hard to say thank you.

De facto wedding thank you card etiquitte has certainly changed in the last decade.

I haven't had a thank you for a wedding gift for the last 2-3 weddings I've been to. I think it's rude especially if you're buying gifts from a registery. It's good to know the gift has actually been received. Doesn't have to be an actual card, happy to receive an email.

Back in the day when my friends were getting married (late 80s onwards), I knew brides who had written out their thank cards and envelopes BEFORE the wedding and just filled in the reference to the actual gift before posting out, as soon as they returned from their honeymoon.

Clearly things have changed over time, but I like to know any gift or money I’ve sent has been received. A text or similar message is fine; I don’t expect a missive. If someone really can’t spend a minute writing ‘Thank you for the money/gift’ then their lives must be stupidly busy.

Now I don’t send things to people who don’t acknowledge them.

Last two weddings l went to not even a txt to say thanks for money, one couple has just had a baby im not wasting my money buying a gift if they cant even say thank you..its so rude, l don't even want a card, you have my number a message I fine....

It’s funny how people think that thanking people (whatever the form) is a bit outdated but don’t think grabbing money/a gift is.