To expect a thank you for wedding gift?

[TheMauveBeaker]

Younger family member got married in January this year, couple already lived together in their own house so ‘traditional’ wedding gifts weren’t required. If anyone wanted to give a gift, they requested cash towards a honeymoon to be taken later, All of my family members gave cash, in cards, which were collected at the reception. Nobody has received a thank you, written, verbal or digital.
Is it no longer a thing to send a thank you, whether it’s a text, a printed card or (highly unlikely) a handwritten note? I genuinely wondered whether it’s a generational thing?

YABU - nobody does that anymore
YANBU - the newly-weds should have sent/made some kind acknowledgment

I also think we went to the same wedding! We did get thank you cards (nice ones) but the couple only sent them recently! Wedding was in January too !

I’m still waiting for a thank you for a present for a wedding in January 2023 (and a thank you for the token gift I sent to say sorry I couldn’t make it to the hen do the autumn before that) 🤷‍♀️

We’ve had thank you cards with pictures from every other wedding we’ve been to, so in my experience, thank yous are still very much a thing in general. I know it’s not about being thanked, but it’s still a bit rankling when it seems that your efforts or gifts are taken for granted or not appreciated.

We didn't get any acknowledgement of wedding gifts over the years...gifts of a few hundred euros each.

I don't care about getting a card but you are left wondering did they get your gift at all or did the best man lose it. A text would be fine.

Last wedding had a secure box for cards so I presume they got it!

I just did thank you cards for friends who bought me 50th gifts, it’s just polite and I do love cards and writing so for me it’s a pleasure but I never expect any back. I got a card once from some new friends after they came over for a dinner party, which was really lovely.

For weddings I think yes they should send cards.

I think cards should be sent. The last three weddings we attended we gave a large cash gift and didn’t even get a text. It’s extremely rude and it’s really given me a sour taste against both couples.

We were married in 2022 and I had around 120 thank you cards to write as we wrote thank you cards to all guests who attended regardless of whether they gave us a gift (one card for an solo attendee, one card for a family/couple).

It took me about 2.5 months to write them all, as I would write a couple most days of the week, but obviously had a few days here or there where I couldn't (sick, traveling, whatever). They were all mailed within 3 months of the wedding, though - that was my goal.

I do worry if there were any I sent that never made it to the gift giver, though - might there be people who gave us something who think we never bothered thanking them? 😫

Wait, you get a card for going to the wedding even without sending a gift? I am really surprised. We didn't send thanks to people just attending; we'd spent £175 per head (less for kids), and asked for no gifts. Nobody had to travel more than 2 hours. Not being facetious, but what were we supposed to be thanking the guests for?

I think it’s bloody rude not to say thank you for any gift. The younger generation have the joy of what’s app at the very least - they have NO excuse!

It's really rude.

We once gave £250 in vouchers, no acknowledgement at all until a couple of years later when we got an email from the bride - they'd had a break in and the vouchers were stolen so could we send proof of purchase for the insurance company? CFs.

Yep another who agrees people should send a thank you !!!!

For a birthday I don’t mind a text or an email but for a wedding gift I’d expect an actual thank you note.

i always encouraged my children to phone and say thank you for a gift when they were small. It’s just manners,

I was at a wedding this weekend and just got a WhatsApp message thanking me for the kind gift (money) - I bought thank you cards to write out for our wedding but at 6 months pregnant realised I mightnt get through every one until the baby was at school so also sent messages to every one 😂
So I'd say YNBU

If they haven’t been on the honeymoon yet then YABU to be annoyed at not having received a thank you (yet). I’d expect to receive a link to the photos at the same time.

I think a thank you is correct, I'd do them, but wouldn't "expect" one and probably wouldn't notice if I didn't get it.

What I've noticed recently is that B&G often seeem to out a thank on their SM to "everyone". Personally I don't think that's OK, but I guess they think they've fulfilled their duty, although people who don't see SM won't see it.

I personally don't think it has to be handwritten and a digital one is fine. I think it's about the sentiment, this is someone that has taken the time to attend your wedding and offer a gift and that's got to be worth something.

i didn’t send a thank you, I was not going to do that for 200 people. I gave a thank you in the wedding speech. I don’t think I’ve ever received one, but it doesn’t bother me.

Had that with a work colleague, contributed to her honeymoon fund although I was unable to attend the wedding.
Absolutely zero acknowledgement.
Lack of basic good manners in my opinion.

We had similar last year. Lovely friends of ours daughter was married, we were invited and even stayed at the venue. Think again it was money as they’d lived together - absolutely no issue at all with this. But bought a personalised card, gave quite a decent amount of money, and the same happened.

I’m not losing any sleep over it, but I was a bit surprised. Especially as every other detail of the wedding was beautifully done. If might not be ‘a thing’ anymore, but I think it’s a bit of a shame.

I think this is possibly based on when people went immediately on honeymoon following the wedding (sometimes even that evening!) My DH is from a very traditional farming family, and his mother was of the opinion that wedding gifts should all be with the bride before the wedding day, for people to view, and that cards should be prepared on reciept pretty much. They were exceptionally traditional/old fashioned though. And I found it all a bit batshit. She nearly lost her mind when we had a JL gift list! 🫣🤣

It’s incredibly rude not to acknowledge a gift. Especially with wedding gift-lists as you get a list of who gave you what. We pre-bought a few packs of thank you cards before the wedding, so in the weeks afterwards we could quickly bash through them ‘thank you so much for the mixer, we can’t wait to use it! Thank you for being part of our special day’ etc. Took less than a couple of hours in total, and frankly felt it was the least we could do after people had been so kind towards us.

Why would the guests need a link? The photos are for the couple.

Thank you notes seem to be a thing of the past.

When my cousin's son got married, there was no thank you from the married couple for the cheque that I sent.

I've noticed with some couples that the parents or grandparents will thank people when they meet them or even send a text, but really it should be the newlyweds who do that.

I think that’s quite unusual, I’m late 30s and I’ve had a thank you card, email or at least a text after every wedding I’ve attended.

I haven’t been to any weddings recently and sadly I wouldn’t be too surprised if people weren’t saying thank you post-pandemic, as so many standards have slid along with rising levels of entitlement, but I’m surprised if you didn’t get any thank yous before!

We sent thank you cards to everyone regardless of whether they gave a gift or not. We made a careful note of who had given what (long since discarded and forgotten about) so that we could either say something about the gift (if it was a physical gift), thank them for their generosity (if it was money) or thank them for coming (if they didn't get a gift).

I wouldn't swear on my mum's life that we did it within three months of the wedding but I think we probably did, because we waited for our photos to come back and then chose a photo for our thank you cards.

Extremely rude. We sent written thank you cards to everyone, and included a picture of them at our wedding in the card, wherever possible. People really liked that and we've seen them in frames at friends houses.

But a lot of people just have bad manners. I spent quite a lot of money on a dinner set for my friend, as she asked for, and got nothing. I asked her a few weeks later if she got our gift and she just said "yeah" in like a "duh" kind of way. Wow.