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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone’s Mother stop you seeing your father? If so, how do you feel about it now?

123 replies

andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 22:20

My DP’s ex has always been really difficult, controlling and demanding, she stops contact for the silliest of things and even just if she’s having a bad day. She has always been very jealous and bitter of our relationship, especially now we have a DD. DP hasn’t seen his daughter for almost 4 months, not for lack of trying, she will not let him, I’ve told him numerous times to go to court, he is so deflated with being told no all the time, he keeps saying he will eventually take her to court but I don’t think he will. This annoys me as I want our DD to have a relationship with her sibling, the ex pretty much says our DD isn’t important as she isn’t a full sibling. I’m wondering, has anyone’s mother stopped them seeing their father and if so, once you got older and learned the truth, how did you feel? Were you annoyed your dad didn’t try harder or were you more angry at your mum?

OP posts:
RhaenysRocks · 29/04/2025 22:29

Sorry but your DH is being pathetic. This is his child..find the time to make court happen. It's not that hard. Ex might be a pain but it doesn't sound like he's fighting very hard. I know that's not what you asked, sorry.

Original poster
andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 22:36

RhaenysRocks · 29/04/2025 22:29

Sorry but your DH is being pathetic. This is his child..find the time to make court happen. It's not that hard. Ex might be a pain but it doesn't sound like he's fighting very hard. I know that's not what you asked, sorry.

No that isn’t what I asked. He has tried via the mother. He has his reasons for not wanting to go to court, although I don’t agree, I have told him my opinions

OP posts:
NoTouch · 29/04/2025 22:36

“not for lack of trying”

If she is not allowing in contact with his dd “trying” is getting it legally formalised. End of story.

You need to stop telling him to go to court and start questioning why he can’t be bothered doing the one thing that will get him contact.

Dairymilkisminging · 29/04/2025 22:39

Watching this thread just to see people's answers. I feel guilty about keeping my kids from thier dad but he's not a good person to be around. We've got supervised visits happening soon. Just wonder what the kids will think when older.

McGregor33 · 29/04/2025 22:41

It entirely depends on the real reasons for no contact. Also how do you know she’s jealous and bitter of your relationship etc?

If he wanted to get solid contact, he’d go to court and get it sorted. He hasn’t, that to me shows he’s not bothered about it and just wants to seem interested to you.

Original poster
andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 22:42

Dairymilkisminging · 29/04/2025 22:39

Watching this thread just to see people's answers. I feel guilty about keeping my kids from thier dad but he's not a good person to be around. We've got supervised visits happening soon. Just wonder what the kids will think when older.

See, having a DC myself, I know there are reasons where the ex should stop contact, my DP just isn’t a reason to stop

OP posts:
McGregor33 · 29/04/2025 22:42

Dairymilkisminging · 29/04/2025 22:39

Watching this thread just to see people's answers. I feel guilty about keeping my kids from thier dad but he's not a good person to be around. We've got supervised visits happening soon. Just wonder what the kids will think when older.

My child is much older now although not yet an adult. She has no resentment towards me for fighting for no more contact for her, her only resentment is towards her dad for his behaviour, which she does remember x

Original poster
andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 22:43

McGregor33 · 29/04/2025 22:41

It entirely depends on the real reasons for no contact. Also how do you know she’s jealous and bitter of your relationship etc?

If he wanted to get solid contact, he’d go to court and get it sorted. He hasn’t, that to me shows he’s not bothered about it and just wants to seem interested to you.

I have stated the real reason is because the ex is a complete psycho, that is actually possible. I hate Mumsnet sometimes, everyone makes assumptions

OP posts:
SendBooksAndTea · 29/04/2025 22:44

I dont think I'd be very impressed with a man who wouldn't fight to see his child with everything he had. I couldn't have had a child with him knowing he wasn't seeing his child and wasn't doing everything he could to make it happen.

SendBooksAndTea · 29/04/2025 22:44

andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 22:43

I have stated the real reason is because the ex is a complete psycho, that is actually possible. I hate Mumsnet sometimes, everyone makes assumptions

Show quote history

If so, surely that's even more reason he'd want to protect his child?

Original poster
andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 22:47

I understand what everyone is saying and I know I have stated I have told him my opinion over and over I think he should go to court. Regardless, that isn’t my question, why can’t people stick to the thread

OP posts:
Motherknowsrest · 29/04/2025 22:47

"He has his reasons"
"His ex is a complete psycho..."
🚩

Original poster
andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 22:48

Motherknowsrest · 29/04/2025 22:47

"He has his reasons"
"His ex is a complete psycho..."
🚩

I’m not going into depth on this thread as I don’t see the point as it’s not my question

OP posts:
Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 22:48

Yep. I'm so sad they couldn't just communicate with each other and put me first.

It's such a sad situation and now i have my own dc i know what i missed out on.

She chose to have dc with him. I didn't.

Comff · 29/04/2025 22:48

To answer your question, I grew up confused about how he could just walk away and not fight for me.

SlipperyLizard · 29/04/2025 22:53

My mum never stopped my dad seeing us, he just didn’t care enough to bother. That’s not far off where your DP is unless he does everything he can to see them (ie going to court) - they will grow up wondering why he didn’t care enough to try, and will likely be deeply damaged by it.

Doyoumind · 29/04/2025 23:00

My DC would be better off in so many ways not seeing their dad.

Your DP's lack of contact is down to him. There are measures he can take. There's really no excuse for not going to court. I've been to court several times thanks to my abusive and controlling ex, but I have done it fighting for my DC's best interests.

Lemonsugarpuff · 29/04/2025 23:00

My DF did fight in court for full custody, DM ‘won’ and she got full custody. DF decided to walk away from me and DSis because it was a very toxic situation with DM. She did everything to stop us from having a good relationship with him (and still is!!!!). Growing up, I was so mad at him for not doing everything to keep the contact going. I’m now back in contact with him (in my late 30s!) and am trying to understand his reasons. My DSis has chosen not to have any contact as she has spent thousands in therapy to get over her abandonment issues

Lemonsugarpuff · 29/04/2025 23:04

And just to add - your DPs lack of decision… is a decision! He is choosing to not try, and that doesn’t wash.
Forget him, his ex, you, your child… there is a little girl out there who’s probably heartbroken and confused why her daddy isn’t in her life. Only he can fix this, and if he chooses not to then I’d seriously consider how he feels about your own child too

Watto1 · 29/04/2025 23:06

DM made it difficult for me to see my dad. No good reason. I never really forgave her to be honest. Dad and I had a great relationship once I was old enough to decide for myself.

cadburyegg · 29/04/2025 23:06

I always find it so interesting how there’s just so many perfect men who had children with controlling psycho women.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 29/04/2025 23:10

OP, look at it this way.

You love your child, yes?

If your ex ever prevented you from seeing her, would you not take him straight to court, 'jealous and bitter psycho' or not?

I suspect the answer is a firm YES.

Minimalistmamaoftwo · 29/04/2025 23:11

I think if the dad in question is abusive in any way then contact should be stopped as much as it is possible. My mum shared custody with my dad and as an adult and a mother I don’t know if I will ever truly forgive her for letting him have us sometimes for as long as two weeks alone. However, if the parent is not abusive I think the child will just feel abandoned especially if they have gone on to have other children

Changednamesorry · 29/04/2025 23:12

What would you do if you hadn't seen your child for a month and someone told you that the only way to see your child would be to go to court?
Would you wait another three months and say ah well.....he's a bit difficult, so. I'll leave my child with him and occasionally ask him but I'll wait a bit longer on the court thing.....

Look at your child tonight and think about that question.

Now look at your husband.

"Has his reasons"?

Original poster
andanotherproblem · 29/04/2025 23:14

@Lemonsugarpuffhas hit the nail on the head with the toxic, like I said I’m not going into detail but she is a vile woman. Not saying DP is perfect but it’s funny how on Mumsnet the mums are saints and would never keep a child from their father for no good reason, it happens, trust me, I’ve seen it all, I’ve heard the words directly from her mouth, sometimes the woman IS the issue

OP posts:
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