Son being targeted

[Playdoh45]

My son is 15months old and goes to a wonderful nursery where he is otherwise thriving. The teachers are all absolutely lovely and I want to be clear, I know this is not their fault so this is where I am stuck.

There is a serial biter at the daycare , he is now targeting my son. They have obviously stopped lots of bites but he has been bitten 3 times recently. Breaking skin.
Most recently my son was playing alone with blocks and apparently the boy just came up and bite him randomly. Last time they were playing together and my son was walking infront of him too slowly and he bite him very deeply on the shoulder.

The nursery say they are working with the parents and monitoring him closely however..... he has been biting for many months with no improvement.

They can't watch him every minute of the day surely so when do we escalate this?

Biting is of course normal toddler behaviour but it's the same child going for my son (for whatever reason?) .

Anyone have any experience of this and can advise?

Biting wasn't normal behaviour when mine were little!

Why is it now considered normal?

They do need to be watching the aggressive child ever minute in order to protect your son and other children.

If they can't do this then it's a shoddy childcare and I would tell them and remove my child in order to protect them.

After it happened twice I would have hit the roof with them but three times is appalling and I would not send my child there.

It has always been normal @GeorgianaM . It’s normal to bite and to be bitten and both mine have done both. To date, DD hasn’t bitten anyone at nursery but she’s certainly gone for her older brother.

@Playdoh45 it’s a tricky one as biting is normal for this age but they do need to keep them away if he’s repeatedly going for the same child. So I think you’d be within your rights to see if they could be separated.

I have attached image of the last bite as they are not small.

@Irisesinspring I think if he was being bitten by different children , I could accept more as normal and toddler behaviour, learning etc. but because it's the same child... :(

It is odd, I guess they sometimes find a target. Sometimes it can be over affection as strange as that sounds (some cats do it too weirdly when you’re stroking them, they get over stimulated and bite!)

My DS was terrible as a toddler for biting and all I could do was follow him round and grab him if it looked like he was going to bite! But he didn’t target the same child AFAIK. Have nursery disclosed this? We have never been told the identify of either victim or perpetrator!

Jesus, that's awful, biting like that is far from normal. Teach your son to smack the biter rather than accept being a victim. It will stop instantly.

@Irisesinspring I only know who it is as when I went for induction , I saw him bite another child and it was discussed then that this boy was a biter. I asked were his 3 recent bites the same child and they said yes and the strategies.

@Ablondiebutagoody he is too young to understand. The bite in the picture was the worse. This was through clothing!

@Playdoh45 they know who the biter is so what are they doing about it? the biter should be put into seclusion!!! why should the other kids be attacked like this? how old is the biter??

You can't isolate a 1 year old child!

They should shadow him, yes. It's hard but can be managed. But seclusion! What are you on?

Move your son

I disagree. I was not normal when mine where little and mine were never bitten nor did they bite anyone else!

Why do they do it?
YANBU.

My partner wanted to have a meeting with the manager , we have spoken to the teachers today who have said the strategies they are trying , more monitoring and behaviour plan.

I have suggested to my partner again let them try these and then if it happens again we request a meeting.

Am I taking it far enough? This is my first child so I worry about being OTT or if I'm too relaxed?! It's hard without knowing what is acceptable.

I don't think there is a reason. Latest they said my child was completely alone playing when biter came and bite them? Out of the blue.

I think you’re getting distracted by the child doing the biting.
The only issue here is that your child has been hurt, the nursery are fully aware of how and why he was hurt and are continuing to fail to protect your son.

Go and see them / write and say exactly that and ask what they are intending to do to make sure your child isnt injured again given that the are currently failing in their obligation to take all necessary steps to keep him safe.

the other kid isn’t the issue, nor is he your problem. The nursery is.

Then they need to monitor the biter like a hawk, 1 to 1 if necessary. If they can't do this, they should kick the biter out.

@Pagwatch The only reason I am concentrating on the child is because I know they have a 1/5 ratio. So impossible to give the child one to one and ensure 100% he cannot bite anyone surely ? They say monitoring but I know how quick toddlers can be!

I don't think biting is normal. I have 3 children, now past the toddler stage and have only experienced 1 of my children being bitten, once. Not a single one of my children have bitten.

The first time, I could let go, but 3 times isn't ok. I would be calling a meeting for sure.

It isn't acceptable and I would be asking why they aren't keeping your child safe. Frankly if the biter isn't going to stop biting and the nursery are not in a position to monitor and police it they should be asking the biter's parents to make other childcare arrangements.

I would be so sad to have to do this. He absolutely loves it there!

Eats and sleeps great. Goes in happily. Happy when picked up. The only issue is being bitten.

FYI to add, my child only attends 3 days a week so isn't there all week. Not sure if that makes it worse the amount of biting.
I dread to think how many attempts have been stopped.

Your poor son. Bites are so painful, especially hard enough to break the skin.
I think you are currently doing all you can as a parent- however if it happens again I'd have to consider taking him out. I know it is hard to constantly monitor biters and they can be quick as a flash, but I couldn't continue to allow DS to be put in that situation.

How horrible for you and your son. It's horrible to see our little ones hurt isn't it.

I second that and I actually think if he did, it would be a natural reaction if someone bit me, I’d punch them

I'd have spoken to his parents by now. If their child bites mine again then I'd bite them and see how they like it.