Son being targeted

[Playdoh45]

My son is 15months old and goes to a wonderful nursery where he is otherwise thriving. The teachers are all absolutely lovely and I want to be clear, I know this is not their fault so this is where I am stuck.

There is a serial biter at the daycare , he is now targeting my son. They have obviously stopped lots of bites but he has been bitten 3 times recently. Breaking skin.
Most recently my son was playing alone with blocks and apparently the boy just came up and bite him randomly. Last time they were playing together and my son was walking infront of him too slowly and he bite him very deeply on the shoulder.

The nursery say they are working with the parents and monitoring him closely however..... he has been biting for many months with no improvement.

They can't watch him every minute of the day surely so when do we escalate this?

Biting is of course normal toddler behaviour but it's the same child going for my son (for whatever reason?) .

Anyone have any experience of this and can advise?

The nursery needs to exclude this child until he's older. It's not ok for him to bite 3 times let alone the same child with a history of biting ?!?!?

I imagine his family is close to a staff member there though for them to be "working" with them to sort it out rather then making it clear he's unhappy/unable to cope there so you may face an uphill battle

Biting can be a normal developmental thing yes but it shouldn't be seen as normal for a child to continue to bite and needs to be discouraged. Those bites look horrible and I would be asking nursery what they are doing to protect and safeguard your child, more than just keeping an eye on the other child as it's clearly not enough. Why should your child be getting injured when they're at nursery? That's not okay.

No they don't have to exclude a child. And you can't demand it.
They have to work out how all children can be safe in the nursery.

Some day it's your kid or grandkid biting. Remember that. It can happen for all parents.

Having worked in a nursery it is near enough impossible to prevent a biter every time. You can be right next to a child and they launch without warning, takes a second. Short of excluding a 1 year old child there is only a limited amount that can be done

Actually they do if a child is genuinely unable to cope in the setting & NEEDS 1 on 1 care that can't be provided (like with safety VS 1-5 ratio)

this child may need 1 on 1 care which is what needs to be discussed with their family & it's not OK for the nursery to work with him while other children are being injured

A nursery can pick and choose children but parents are not able to exclude a child from a nursery.

Some of these replies are a bit harsh. One of mine bit kids at school a few times, not even nursery. It was awful and mortifying and I felt terrible. I didn’t “stand for it” we really tried everything. I am sorry your child is experiencing this, I would assume the biters parents feel awful and are trying to fix it.

Years ago when my son was at nursery - he was bitten twice - the first time I accepted their explanation - the second time I kicked off - no they can't watch all the kids all the time but if this kid was a biter he needed close observation and it was their job to ensure he was not bitten. I spoke to the manager and she arranged to discuss the issue with the parents again but the bottom line was ultimately going to be - if it continued to happen the parents would be told that the child's place would be rescinded. Irrespective of what the reason is and what is being done - you and other parents are not paying to send your children somewhere they cannot prevent them being hurt - repeatedly.

At your meeting I'd say you see this as a safeguarding issue and if they can't manage the child you will consider reporting to Ofsted. It would need to be a last resort and I think Ofsted would need to see that it happens for an extended period with no resolution to even consider an inspection as it is happening in nursery's up and down the country, but the threat may focus their minds a little more.

My DS was a biter. In his case, it was ultimately linked to SEN - it carried on longer than most kids do, but I would say most kids in his nursery bit at least once. It was horribly while it happened, mostly because as a parent you can't monitor your child at nursery. I couldn't personally do anything to stop it; he did bite at home but for nowhere near as long because we could manage triggers better. It was horribly embarrassing

OP - it actually kind of is the nursery's fault! They should be providing this child with much closer supervision and keeping him away from children he seems to pick to bite. They should also be trying to work out what is triggering this child and trying to avoid this. There are extra funding resources they could apply for if this child needs more support, support they can seek from the local authority, and potentially an EHCP application if the child really does need 1:1. Obviously, you won't know if they are doing this but I think you can say, "I hope you're doing all you can in terms of applying for extra resources to support the biting child," and you'll know a lot if they just look blankly or say "not much we can do."

Lastly, 5:1 is actually not that great a ratio. Legally it was 4:1 for over 2's until recently, and it's still 3:1 for under 2s (I'm assuming the mixed age class allows the higher ratios). The difference between 15 months and 24 months is absolutely massive, and I would want a very clear sense of how the nursery manages the mixed ages.

You do know that biting/ harassing/ punching or even complaining to the parent still makes no difference whatsoever. How on earth does a parent stop their baby from biting in a different environment when they are not present? That's not a rhetorical question, seriously what would you do if your baby bit another baby? You obviously believe you could stop it, so pls tell us how?

indeed. It is normal, but it is not universal...

i don't think teaching a toddler violence is a goo idea!!!

It is perfectly normal to go OTT about this sort of thing for first child...

A 3 year old isn't a baby.

Not a single one of my children have bitten.

That you know of...

FFS. I can only you're joking.

Around a quarter of all kids will bite during their early years - it is part of normal development. Some will restrict their biting to objects, others will be at the other end of the scale, some may bite to get a reaction, frustration is usually involved and things get better when communication skills improve.

Just because you haven't experienced it, does not mean it isn't a common and normal part of development.

Literally everything you read about child development will tell you biting is normal.

It is not reasonable to suggest he is targeted. I doubt the toddler perpetrator is deliberately going for specific children. Such behave is impulsive rather thn premeditated. I am shocked the staff are so openly identifying them. However you can ask how they plan to keep your dc safe and withdraw if not satisfied with the response.

@LIZS as stated, the nursery are not identifiying him. I only know because I witnessed a bite at orientation and know it is the one child with ongoing biting issue.

They have said that he is biting the same children repeatedly. 3 times lately for my child. And that's the successful attempts......
Today my child was nowhere near him and playing independently when he can and bite him?

No read what I said.

If the nursery aren't able to monitor and police it ..

May I assume English isn't your first language? If you use police as a verb it means to keep in order.

Yeah of course you would 🙄🙄

No.they would find an adult that think ,s it's acceptable to.behave in the same way way as a toddler.

Believe it or not when I worked in a nursery a parent rang the police when his 2 year old was bitten by another 2 year old. The police came out and thought they were dealing with an adult attacking a child, they had a good laugh when they realised it was a 2 year old.

nowt so queer as folk as they say!

Did they cuff little Johnny and tell him he was going dowwwwn?