Son being targeted

[Playdoh45]

My son is 15months old and goes to a wonderful nursery where he is otherwise thriving. The teachers are all absolutely lovely and I want to be clear, I know this is not their fault so this is where I am stuck.

There is a serial biter at the daycare , he is now targeting my son. They have obviously stopped lots of bites but he has been bitten 3 times recently. Breaking skin.
Most recently my son was playing alone with blocks and apparently the boy just came up and bite him randomly. Last time they were playing together and my son was walking infront of him too slowly and he bite him very deeply on the shoulder.

The nursery say they are working with the parents and monitoring him closely however..... he has been biting for many months with no improvement.

They can't watch him every minute of the day surely so when do we escalate this?

Biting is of course normal toddler behaviour but it's the same child going for my son (for whatever reason?) .

Anyone have any experience of this and can advise?

My DS (now 17) actually did that when he in reception. There was a boy who continually kicked him in the back during carpet time. DS would move, this child would follow. DS is autistic and so gentle and non confrontational, but one morning he just snapped, turned around and punched the boy hard in the eye. The kicking never happened again. DS has never hit anyone again.

@ThejoyofNC I have no idea who the parents are and doubt they would tell me.

They have said that other children have been bitten by this child, not just my son but that he is a target at the moment. Normal for biters to target the same person I have read....

The thought of him being hurt and then upset is weighing on my really heavily. I would just also hate to have to move him and I was hoping it could be resolved.

We will definitely request a meeting going forward and I suppose have to look to move him elsewhere if it continues and happens once more.

Of course!
I get why - and I’m sure I would too. I’m just saying that the way to get it handled is focussing responsibility squarely on the nursery .
who is biting your child is not relevant when it comes to making sure the nursey keep your child safe. The distraction will just let them dodge the point.

my son went through special schooling and lots of his peers had explosive or potentially aggressive behaviours. That taught me that you completely focus on the school meeting your child’s neeeds and not on how why or who is hurting them
I hope that makes sense

Is the biter around the same age as your child?

I don’t think biting is normal either, especially not so prolonged and targeted as you’re experiencing, my DD was never bitten or a bitter at nursery and none of my friends or family children were either.

I think it’s gone on long enough, I’d be asking for a formal meeting with the manager to discuss how they’re going to safeguard my child.

Yes but that’s not your problem

1:5 doesn’t mean safety is compromised .. is safeguarding compromised too ?

wth? I’d escalate , if that was my kid I wouldn’t be so relaxed

They can't disclose the child's identity, and rightly so, given the tone of some of the replies here.

All you can do OP is keep pressure on the nursery. As you seem to already understand, they are in a very difficult position and have a duty of care to both. Your child should not be injured but they can't isolate or punish the child who is too young to understand. If only your child is being targeted they should be able to keep them apart at all times by making sure different staff oversees different children in separate groupings and never have them in the same group. They have a more difficult situation if other children are targeted too but as PP say, that's their problem and not yours. They will simply have to find a way as your child needs to be protected.

I've been on both ends of this - one DC was a biter and one was a bitee. What I reminded myself was that although it was not nice for my children, biting is a common development phase and part of the normal pattern to learning how to communicate and explore.

I think you are currently doing all you can. Raising the issue with the nursery, asking what they are doing about it and allowing them time to resolve it. Make sure you are following it up with nursery and ensuring they know you hold them responsible not the other parents. They can't isolate the other child and that isn't resolving the problem or teaching the child the right methods of communicating and development. But they can put things in place to split up children that are being targeted from the biter etc.

My youngest was the one being bitten - similar situations. She'd be playing and the other child would bite her for no reason, or walking passed and bitten. It was never the same situation so very difficult for the nursery to predict. 1:1 was impossible but they usually had one member of staff shadowing and responsible for the child at any time - prioritising supervising the biter over other tasks. I think it went on for about 6 months - probably one bite a month to 6 weeks ish. It took until my child to bit the other back before it stopped. Not really what we wanted but it worked.

They absolutely should provide a 1 to 1 for the biter, however that messes with their staffing.
It’s a constant, known risk to
the other children.
It’s not unknown for some children to bite, but not all the bloody time.

Already replied but I just wanted to add something to the posters who are commenting on whether this is normal or not. Firstly it is quite common, just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean others haven't either. Secondly it's of no relevance if it's normal or not. The fact is a child is biting OPs child. If that was the first baby in the history of the world to bite another baby, the predicament remains the same.

Thanks everyone. Appreciate all the advice and will take it all on board.
next step is a meeting for sure.

Your child could have PTSD from this

Biting isn't normal
Mine have autism,they would not of bitten,I would of not stood for it .
Standards are to low these days
The nursery need to assure you your son is safe
They need to have a member of staff with the boy at all times,or they ask the biter to leave .
Failing that you remove your son from the nursery

How many times will you let him be bitten before you move him .

That’s what used to happen when we were kids (60s/70s). The kids never bit anyone again after that

You'd bite someone else's child?

@Summerseagull I am a first time mum and that's why I have came for advice to gage what is normal. It's hard to know what is acceptable and not when you haven't been through it previously.

I obviously want to protect my son but do feel it's unfair he should be forced from the place he loves and is very settled, content with strong bonds to the teachers .

The police????

Totally hear you
But we were all first time mums once
At some point he will start to not want to go ,that could spread to having problems with children in future and to problems with attendance at school.
Don't underestimate the damage mentally this can do .
You need to go in hard with the nursery
They are taking your money and not keeping your child safe

No, their parent.

If you did that the teachers ot parents will call the police. Which is the right thing to do.

Op ,you go in the nursery,for a meeting,you ask to see the safeguarding lead
You ask them what steps are they putting in place to keep your child safe
This biter is targeting your child ,so your child and the biter need to be kept separate.
How are they going to do this
Who is the point of contact for you to speak to each day to be assured your child hasn't been harmed .
You must go in like you mean business and that this situation is not acceptable

Since when is biting normal?

I understand pp who have a toddler that bites might want to think it's normal but it really isn't.

There's a difference between "normal" and "it happens".

Op I would definitely ask for a meeting with the manager and ask how they plan on protecting your child.

Perhaps trust your instinct …

if my kid was bullied at school I wouldn’t really ask “up to what point is this acceptable?”

it’s worst for your kid as he can’t express how bad he feels! But effectively he’s bullied as it keeps on happening

if it doesn’t sound right, if it doesn’t feel right then it’s not right ! 🙂

I echo what others say, I don’t think it’s a normal part of development, certainly not my experience having two kids and friends kids.

Biting things is normal and lashing out and pushing or pulling another child if they have something they want is understandable and learning how to navigate situations, but to walk up to another child and bite them for no reason and to do this several times to several children I would say is more abnormal than normal.

The nursery have a duty of care you DS and I would be on the phone demanding a meeting and make sure they know this shouldn’t happen again. 1:1 if need be

The nursery need to get a proper grip on this. Even to the point of refusing his place. They will start losing custom if they are not careful.

Biting is not normal - it happens, but it is not standard behaviour.

I would be having a strong word with the manager.