Husband wants to have another child

[Lifeisinteresting]

We’re both 41, DD is at university. DH has asked if we can try for a 2nd child. When we had DD in our early 20s I was adamant we’d be one and done, as was he. Now all of a sudden as we’ve had friends having kids later he’s now thinking it would be good to do it again. I have no desire to do this. For me I feel done with this chapter of my life. I also see how tired our friends with toddlers are. I'm the main warner (run my own business) and happy doing what I want when I want, and just having to worry about getting the dogs sorted. He thinks I'm being unreasonable becuae I've just said no and wont discuss it any further.

Tell him why, what you've said here is absolutely reasonable, how can he argue with that?

Chances are that ship has sailed anyway op

YNBU. It’s no bad thing to keep the dialogue on it open. But he will soon realise that you know your own mind and can’t be persuaded to make this kind of change to your lifestyle when it’s not what you want.

Is this the husband who works 25 hours a week versus your 60 hours?!!

Have you considered fostering?

Sounds like he is having a reaction to DD being away. It may take some time for him to adjust to an empty nest, so I'd ride it out. I can't even imagine literally starting all over again at that phase of life or having such a huge age spread with the children. If you were going to have a second child, it would have been years ago, when you were in the active parenting stage, and when your children could have grown up together. Decision has been made, ship has sailed. Also, your body, your choice.

If he's never brought it up until now, it's likely because he misses having a child in the house all the time, and surely, yes, his friends are in a different stage of parenting with kids still under the roof. He needs to find a way to cope and fill the void in a more realistic way.

I imagine this can be a tough adjustment but an inevitable one.

I think men don’t have a clue how hard a pregnancy can be on a body as well as the birth and afterwards and typically a lot of the physical and mental raising of children fall to women. You’re well within your rights to say no. I’m in my 40s and wouldn’t want to start again and have more children as mine are late teens. I think explain as you have done in your original post.

Did you already post this recently?

@F1boxbox no, this wouldn’t be something for us.

She doesn’t want any more children…why on earth would she want to foster?

@OnArainyNight no.

@Morningup yes.

It’s not the first time I’ve read on mn about a 40+ year old dp wanting another child, and often when the older child is teens/young adult. They forget that is the woman who’ll do the brunt of the childcare etc.

Get a dog!

You have bigger issues than this latest view from your husband. The cheek re the cleaner!!

Only asking a question! Keep ya knickers on

Absolutely no way i’d consider that.

I'd be a no too. I had my youngest at 36 after a nine year gap and I felt everyone of those years. I have no regrets, he is adored but its a lot different parenting in your 50s.

So, he works 25 hours to your 60, doesn’t do the majority of the housework and wants you to try for another baby - for whom you would no doubt do the majority of care, while still being the breadwinner?

Are you happy in your marriage? As he sounds like a massive pisstaker, I’m sorry.

@ForZanyAquaViewer he did the majority of care with our DD.

Your husband works part time while you work 50 to 60 hours a week and he wants a baby? You have to pay a cleaner because Mr. Part Time Creative won't do his share of domestic chores?

When pigs fly.

He's a lazy asshole.

He’s finding it hard with DD moving out. That’s reasonable but expecting you to start over isn’t.
He needs to work through this in a healthy way so as not to start to resent you though.
Can you start doing more things together? All the things that you can’t do with children in tow! Adults only holidays and nice restaurants? Show him not what he’s missing but what he’s gaining by being done.

But the op was clear she didn’t want another child

I’d also feel a bit sorry for your dd. She might feel strange about it, as if she’s being replaced.

It would be a hard no from me.

@Gundogday we have 2 large dogs.

Hé needs a full time job to occupy himself, not another child.