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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to have another child

76 replies

Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 18:05

We’re both 41, DD is at university. DH has asked if we can try for a 2nd child. When we had DD in our early 20s I was adamant we’d be one and done, as was he. Now all of a sudden as we’ve had friends having kids later he’s now thinking it would be good to do it again. I have no desire to do this. For me I feel done with this chapter of my life. I also see how tired our friends with toddlers are. I'm the main warner (run my own business) and happy doing what I want when I want, and just having to worry about getting the dogs sorted. He thinks I'm being unreasonable becuae I've just said no and wont discuss it any further.

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 27/04/2025 20:10

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/04/2025 18:17

I'd be a no too. I had my youngest at 36 after a nine year gap and I felt everyone of those years. I have no regrets, he is adored but its a lot different parenting in your 50s.

Thank you for your honesty

TwelveBlueSocks · 27/04/2025 20:12

One of my friends did this. The Dad decided he wanted a fourth child when he was 52 and his wife was 48. His wife obliged on the condition that he do all the night feeds, and he did it. He often took the baby into his office even though he was running a department of 100 people. It worked out very well in the end. He loved having his fourth kid.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 27/04/2025 20:14

OP I had my last baby when I was 39.
It was so much harder at that age!

YANBU and anyway you might have a lot of trouble getting pregnant (and keeping it) at the age of 41.

ThePoliteLion · 27/04/2025 20:17

YANBU
x

Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/04/2025 20:18

I swear I read an almost identical thread recently
maybe I've lost my marbles

DownWithCremeEggs · 27/04/2025 20:20

Absolutely no way would I be even considering another DC after a 20+ year gap. You just have to be straight and firm with DH that you absolutely do not want another baby. He then has to decide if that is something he can live with, or divorce you and find someone who does want to have a baby.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 27/04/2025 20:20

PeloMom · 27/04/2025 19:33

What’s there to discuss though??
im genuinely asking as I’ve been in that scenario. I didn’t want another child and there was nothing further to be discussed as far as I’m concerned.

Edited
Show quote history

All the stuff in the OP?

In a healthy and loving relationship you don't say "no" and walk off.

GiraffesAtThePark · 27/04/2025 20:29

I’m considering another child at that age however my other children are young. I really think it must be so hard to go back to night feeds, soft play sessions etc after you’ve gone past them and had some of your freedom return.

I wonder if your husband truly remembers how difficult and tiring babies can be. I guess you just have to hope he gets past this.

Nanny0gg · 27/04/2025 20:35

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 27/04/2025 20:20

All the stuff in the OP?

In a healthy and loving relationship you don't say "no" and walk off.

Show quote history

Is 'No, I don't want to.' any better?

QuickPeachPoet · 27/04/2025 20:37

No way. How to make your Dd feel replaced ehh?
Get a dog

YANBU

TwinklyNight · 27/04/2025 20:38

You could have grandchildren in a couple of years that he can dote on.

CuriouslyMinded · 27/04/2025 20:39

I do feel for your DH, as I would feel for you if the shoe was on the other foot, but when one partner adamantly doesn't want another child that should be the end of it - especially if it is the partner who will be required to go through pregnancy, labour, and the postpartum experience!
I think your "No because x, y, z." should be enough and your DH doesn't have to like the answer, but he does need to respect it and accept it.

GreenYodaFace · 27/04/2025 20:42

Your kids will be different generations! No chance. Yanbu. My kid is only 7 and I wouldn't even go back now !

Original poster
Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 21:35

@QuickPeachPoet we have 2 dogs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 21:39

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime i’m not sure what there is to discuss.A question has been asked, I've said no. After 20+ years together when we've always been one and done there really is nothing to discuss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 21:40

@NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag a reverse?

OP posts:
Snoken · 27/04/2025 22:08

Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/04/2025 20:18

I swear I read an almost identical thread recently
maybe I've lost my marbles

No your marbles are all where they should, there definitely was a thread with this exact information a few weeks ago. Not sure why this needs to be hashed out again, she got plenty of responses on her last thread.

QuickPeachPoet · 27/04/2025 22:21

Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 21:35

@QuickPeachPoet we have 2 dogs.

Oh dear…
Sounds like he is having a mid life crisis then!

Howmuchlongeruntilwegetthere · 27/04/2025 22:25

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 27/04/2025 20:20

All the stuff in the OP?

In a healthy and loving relationship you don't say "no" and walk off.

Show quote history

I dare say the first time the OP gave a longer answer - she doesn’t want one, the age gap, one and done etc. I very much doubt he doesn’t know her feelings. He just doesn’t like her feelings and wants to rehash it over and over until she gives up and agrees with him. It’s not an evolving situation, there are no compromises possible, so he either needs to give up and move on or find someone else who does want a baby with him.

It’s like my kids when they want a dog and complain I won’t listen to them about it - the answer is an absolute, unequivocal, over-my-dead-body “no” and having explained why in depth once and actively listened to and heard all their arguments once I don’t want to waste my time going over and over it, the answer is still and forever will be “no”.

Original poster
Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 22:25

@snoken not my thread.

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 27/04/2025 22:37

Yanbu, having another child isn't something that one person gets to unilaterally decide. You are one and done, so there's nothing more to discuss.
He is (of course) free to leave the relationship and find someone else, if another child is the most important thing to him.

hididdlyho · 28/04/2025 18:37

Suggest he offers to go over to one of his mate's houses and babysit solo their toddler for the night and see if he changes his mind! YANBU

heffalumpwoozle · 28/04/2025 18:42

F1boxbox · 27/04/2025 18:15

Only asking a question! Keep ya knickers on

Show quote history

Have you ever (or do you think anyone has ever) asked that question and the person has gone "Oh hey, that never occurred to me, thanks!" and then went on to do that?

It's not a helpful question. It's inane.

F1boxbox · 28/04/2025 18:43

heffalumpwoozle · 28/04/2025 18:42

Have you ever (or do you think anyone has ever) asked that question and the person has gone "Oh hey, that never occurred to me, thanks!" and then went on to do that?

It's not a helpful question. It's inane.

Show quote history

Oh grow up 😂

Instructions · 28/04/2025 18:46

I would tell him that he could leave me if he wanted to have a other child so badly, and try and find someone who wanted to have one with him. Having him try and talk me into having another baby in my 40s like that and not accepting the first no would make me really dislike him and damage my respect for him so much.

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