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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to have another child

76 replies

Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 18:05

We’re both 41, DD is at university. DH has asked if we can try for a 2nd child. When we had DD in our early 20s I was adamant we’d be one and done, as was he. Now all of a sudden as we’ve had friends having kids later he’s now thinking it would be good to do it again. I have no desire to do this. For me I feel done with this chapter of my life. I also see how tired our friends with toddlers are. I'm the main warner (run my own business) and happy doing what I want when I want, and just having to worry about getting the dogs sorted. He thinks I'm being unreasonable becuae I've just said no and wont discuss it any further.

OP posts:
Simplestars · 27/04/2025 18:27

You know the answer yourself.
You have one life llive it how you see fit.
Let husband wait for grandchildren.

MoominMai · 27/04/2025 18:39

I’d be interested in your DHs reasons for wanting a second child particularly given the huge age gap with your existing child and increased risks with pregnancy post 40. Never mind the fact that he may not yet be feeling it but energy isn’t as abundant into your 50s onwards when child would need at least another decade of intense support/running around for.

Countesschaos · 27/04/2025 18:40

i mean he can want all he likes.... its not like he can force you have a child is it? no means no!

Seeyouincourtkeithyoutwat · 27/04/2025 18:42

OnArainyNight · 27/04/2025 18:12

Did you already post this recently?

Exactly what I was going to say. I must spend too long on MN.

pikkumyy77 · 27/04/2025 18:42

Lots if SAHP want to start a second round as the nest empties. He needs to work through his grief and feelings of anxiety that there is no home where there is no child, that he has no role if not as caregiver.

LyndzB · 27/04/2025 18:43

He’s reasonable to bring up the idea of a second child, you’re reasonable to shut it down. It’s up to him now if it’s a deal breaker. But in your shoes there’s absolutely no way I’d have another child.

Maray1967 · 27/04/2025 18:48

LyndzB · 27/04/2025 18:43

He’s reasonable to bring up the idea of a second child, you’re reasonable to shut it down. It’s up to him now if it’s a deal breaker. But in your shoes there’s absolutely no way I’d have another child.

Neither would I! And I had DS2 at 40!

I have an 8 year gap but 20? Not a chance.

And you said you were one and done and haven’t changed your mind. I always wanted two and was by prepared to keep trying at c least for a year or so.

You were clear then and haven’t changed your mind. Any man who tries to persuade a woman to have a child - a child that he will not be carrying or giving birth to - and does not accept her answer - deserves to be kicked hard in the nuts. Just tell him - no means no. End of.

BumbleBeegu · 27/04/2025 18:57

F1boxbox · 27/04/2025 18:15

Only asking a question! Keep ya knickers on

Show quote history

The OP quite literally said she was ‘one and done’ and had NOT changed her mind!

Crikeyalmighty · 27/04/2025 19:00

Tell him to crack on then - and he will be a medical marvel - it takes two OP - and in this case if it’s not what you want simply say no .

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 27/04/2025 19:05

YANBU to say no but YABU to refuse to discuss it.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/04/2025 19:21

Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 18:18

@ForZanyAquaViewer he did the majority of care with our DD.

Many years ago. Now he works a third of your hours, is financially supported by you, and still complains that you don’t do enough housework.

You didn’t answer my question. Are you happy in this marriage.

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 27/04/2025 19:25

Sounds like a baby is the least of your worries OP.

What sort of man lets his wife keep him Hmm

90swithcigarettesandalcohol · 27/04/2025 19:30

God no chance!

Tell him to go & volunteer reading in schools if he misses being around young children, schools would appreciate it.

Remind him you may be grandparents in 10 years so it would be nice to have a gap from being responsible for children.

PeloMom · 27/04/2025 19:32

What’s there to discuss. You’re not onboard. End of story. If he wants another kid he’ll have to go elsewhere.

PeloMom · 27/04/2025 19:33

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 27/04/2025 19:05

YANBU to say no but YABU to refuse to discuss it.

What’s there to discuss though??
im genuinely asking as I’ve been in that scenario. I didn’t want another child and there was nothing further to be discussed as far as I’m concerned.

Dustmylemonlies · 27/04/2025 19:43

Don't under-estimate how much the whole hormonal shift knocks you for six in your late 40's and 50's. Menopause with a youngish kid is SOOOO hard....

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2025 19:47

Even if he was to be the parent who takes care of the child in the majority it's your body that will be put at risk op.
Mother or father, at this stage he should be looking to increase his pension funds or is he expecting you to subsidise him?

UnbentUnbowedUnbroken · 27/04/2025 19:58

He’s probably worried that you can bin him quite easily now that your child is an adult, so wants to get you locked in for another 20 years.

You are his meal ticket. Time to assess what YOU want from the rest of your life.

Neetra30 · 27/04/2025 19:58

I do think an age gap of 10years+ is too big, let alone 20

BearyNiceEars · 27/04/2025 20:03

Stick to your guns. I had my DC at 36, work FT in a demanding job and it’s absolutely exhausting. Occasionally chide myself for not doing it a bit earlier but here we are 😂

NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag · 27/04/2025 20:04

Is this a reverse?

Lorlorlorikeet · 27/04/2025 20:05

Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 18:14

@Morningup yes.

He works 25 hrs a week while you work 60?! What??

CrispieCake · 27/04/2025 20:06

Little kids are really cute. If I didn't have to worry about caring for them or paying for them, I'd have a minibus-load.

AliBaliBee1234 · 27/04/2025 20:07

Morningup · 27/04/2025 18:08

Chances are that ship has sailed anyway op

At 41?

steff13 · 27/04/2025 20:08

You're not unreasonable to not want another child.

Strictly speaking, he's not being unreasonable to want another one, but if he's set on it he's going to have to understand it's not going to be with you.