Demanding parents abroad wanting to see grandchild ALL the time!!

[Reallyinneedofadvice]

I really need some advice please. I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. I moved to the UK about 12 years ago, during this time me and my husband tried numerous times to move back to my home country, mainly to be nearer my family. For various reasons, especially that we couldn't find suitable jobs, we stayed here. We now also have a DC and I really do try to go and see my parents as often as any possible, it's beautiful where they live and we get on very well. This year for example we went for Christmas, then in February half term, now for my mum's big birthday in May and then again the entire summer holidays (!). I personally think that's plenty. Anyways, on Friday my mum calls me and is being absolutely furious that "you didn't make it clear that there's a half term at the end of may, we could have celebrated the birthday then and we'd have been able to see the grandchild for two days longer". I really snapped at that point but gave in so now we're going at the end of May as well! I'm so annoyed though - I feel constantly guilty we live so far away from them but I go there literally every couple of months at the least, and we talk every morning before school. AIBU to put some boundaries in place from now on? I've thought it over so much that I really don't know anymore who's being unreasonable!!

Tough. I don't get to shag Ryan Gosling as often as I want, but I've learned to deal with it.

Ok well practice what you preach then

This is a crazy and unsustainable way to live. So unsettling for your child. Id not entertain it for a minute if I were your spouse.

You have made a life in the UK. That's where you live. Everyone needs to accept it.

Your mum could get some therapy regarding her fear of flying and come visit you

If I were your husband I'd be extremely unhappy that my child was kept abroad for so much of the time. I wouldn't accept it, frankly

Yes so about this, it's really a bit like since the grandchild is here, only little one matters but I supposed that was normal/ how grandparents feel??

I beg to differ, my little one has an amazing time when they are there, family time, exposure to a different culture (they happen to be fluent in my mother tongue because they go so often), amazing weather in the summer, and the longest they haven't seen their dad is two weeks (and that was only once). My husband is fully on board as well. So it's not a case of my kid being "kept abroad" without their dad for any length of time at all.

My question was about whether my parents behaviour is right

Thanks everyone you've been really helpful and made me see things very differently.
I think I realise now that I still feel deep guilt about moving away and this is something I really need to deal with.
Also I will cut down on the phone calls and I'll have a talk to clear the air with my parents when I see them as I think we probably should have had a talk about this long ago.
Thanks everyone!

You need to tell your mum to stop being such a wet lettuce. She's using it as a method of emotional control.

Every time she starts crying down the phone at you, say "Mum, I'm sorry you're not feeling up to having a sensible discussion. Let's speak later when you're feeling better." And put the phone down.

I've not explained this well, my job can be done from anywhere within Europe

All her life she's been saying she's just not got "the best nerves", this might be true but really she could get some help.
One time a few years ago , our flight was cancelled and we flew out a few days later. The drama! We were face -timing and she was like "we're doing so badly because you're not here, now we get to see little one for 3 days less"

I spent the time waiting for our flight highly anxious something could happen again. I realise as I write this that some things really have to change

You or your DH could use fairness to colleagues and their wishes for leave as a reason not to have a particular week, depending on how your job works.

Yes but you don't need to tell your mum this!! Say the rules have changed and you need to go in the office more frequently now.
My in-laws live abroad and would love us to go for many weeks each time. In reality my boss would probably allow me to work from their house. However, I tell my in-laws I need to go in the office so can only come when I'm taking annual leave.
You don't need to he such an open book with your parents. There are so many good excuses you can use.

She needs to manage her emotions better, you are not responsible for them.