Full time job with young kids

[Calica1]

Current situation is I have a 13 month old little boy who I get to spend a lot of time with as I'm lucky to only have to work 2 nights a week in a supermarket for us to get by.

My partner is really keen for me to go back to full time work in order for us to have more money and improve our lives (bigger house and nice holidays)

Our son is going to nursery 2 part days a week just to get some socialisation but honestly I think he hates it and I'm keen to pull him out which is the opposite of what getting a full time job would entail as he would have to go in full time.

In order to go back to work I'd have to retrain for something else as I can't go back to retail management as the hours don't work with 2 parents in retail management and personally I just think my little boy is just too little to be made to go be with strangers all day and barely see his parents.

I appreciate the fact my partner wants to improve our lives and also that he doesn't like our current arrangement of never seeing each other as I work the 2 nights he doesn't but I feel like our son is the priority. I'll also add I'm keen to have a second baby soon which then means putting 2 young kids in nursery just to earn more money.

So am I being unreasonable to say I just want to focus on my kids until they are a lot older and it's okay if we are getting by on my part time wage?

Do you mean 5am -11am…

But is it worth it if you are bringing home the same amount? All that time lost for what? The pension contributions would still only be around 50 a month so not much more to make it worth missing all that time surely? And there would still be no extra savings happening as we would have the same money left over?

Personally unless I was going into a well paid job I can't see any benefit?

Yeah if I were you I would find a job that starts at 8 and finishes at 4/5 that way he’s walking in while you’re walking out and then he can do drop off and go to bed…I know loads of couples that do that.

No for a management role in the daytime the hours would be between 5am-11pm. Shifts would vary between those times.

But once they start school you would have the money, 50 into your pension is better than nothing. And it’s in your pension longer…

ah ok, well in that case I would try to find a family friendly employer where you could start at 7/8 and finish at 4/5 your dh could do drop off etc and sleep for a few hours and then collect dc.

Most office jobs aren't 8-4/5 it would likely be 9-5 and at minimum wage i can't personally see the benefit?

Surely I would need to be bringing home more than I am currently (after expenses like childcare and cars etc) to make it worthwhile?

I work 8-4:30, 8-3:30 on a Friday. Lots of jobs out there with similar hours. And I hate the term but I have an “office job”

No harm in trying 🤷‍♀️

Why is it full time or the 2 nights you are currently working?? There is a huge range between them and the point that it makes the most financial benefit would likely be somewhere in the middle. Why can't you look at a 70-80% FTE role? You have the childcare to cover it and would get time with your child.

I think right now if your child is only just over 1 you are also still only just on the cusp of the end of a maternity leave period and that will blur your thinking on this.

You also don't mention what your set up is, what your lifestyle and costs actually are, do you rent or own your home etc, all of that can be very relevant too

That's true but in that case is it not better to wait until all kids are in school before bothering rather than missing out on those years for no extra money or benefit?

I contribute £35 a month currently to my pension so not sure the extra £15 a month is much of a benefit

Fair enough. If your DP is permanently on 10pm-7am shifts then yeah, if you have no say in your shift pattern, 5am-11pm wouldn’t work, unless you have family to cover the hours you cross over.

Id first check there is absolutely no flexibility there.

But if there isn’t id still be tempted to look for something else, even part time. It doesn’t have to be an office.

Are you married to your partner? Who owns the house you live in? Who has the debt? It’s very precarious relying financially on someone you aren’t married to.

For the arrangement you have (one partner working full time, the other close to a SAHP) you need both parents on board. You don't have that, your partner has been very clear he's not happy and wants you to contribute more financially. That's fair enough as it sounds like he does his share and having the sole responsibility for keeping the household financially afloat is a big ask of him.

You talk about putting your child first but realistically there comes a point where you have to think about what is best for your relationship too, or it will eventually fall apart and you'll be in a much worse situation as a single parent.

well that depends on a few factors, like what age are you? The longer the money is in there the better…

I've been working part time since November. The issue is finding a job which is say 4 days a week on minimum wage. By the time you pay the extra childcare it just doesn't produce any financial benefit.

Our outgoings are high. We pay around 1k a month in debt payments (not including mortgage or car) i own my home with my ex so it's all a bit complicated!

I completely understand that in an ideal world I would earn more money but without going into a well earning job (which for me would be retail management as that's where my experience is which doesn't work from an hours point of view) There isn't really any financial benefit and I think that's the part I'm struggling to make my partner understand.

I'm only 28. But even so an extra £15 in my pension to go from working 18 hours a week to 40 plus hours with the only benefit being an extra £195 a year into my pension seems absolutely nuts!

OP you are in the early days of parenting, quite a lot of your comments are naive and inexperienced and that is going to influence replies here because it is clearly showing through, as they don't justify it in the way you are trying to put it.

I work full time, my husband has until recently also worked full time, we still have school pick ups, never miss a school play or sports day, take our children to a LOT of extra curricular activities across the week etc. You do not need a constant parent not working and at home to be able to do those things. The benefit of us also working is that we have great holidays (which in my view are important and are going to be very important to the full time working partner you have, as surprise surprise they are working full time), we can also fund the wide range of things our children want to do and give them lots of experiences etc.

Thank you for your reply. I totally get needing to both be on the same page. But I don't seem to be able to get him to understand there isn't any benefit to me being full time on minimum wage whilst children are using nursery. The extra money earned just gets eaten by childcare and an extra car.

Thank you for responding. I feel bad that I've made it sound like 2 full time parents don't get to be there for their children and I apologise as that's not how I wanted it to come across.

But it sounds like you and your partner both working full time made financial sense and allowed you to have more in life. Whereas for us having a child in nursery. Me being on a full time minimum wage wouldn't gain us anything as the cost of childcare after the free hours eats what extra I would earn.

I don’t understand why you keep saying ‘on minimum wage’. Why are you certain there is nothing more out there? Do you not have any transferable skills? Surely if the options are either unpredictable, long retail hours or minimum wage jobs it would spur you into finding something that may lead to more training/progression? I know your baby is lovely and squishy now but you have to play the long game.

Surely your ex will want his share of the house back at some point? What happens then?

Somewhat beside the point but it is madness you have wracked up ‘significant’ debt at a young age with someone you’ve been with for such a short time. I know you really wanted the baby but having a SAHP takes a lot of financial planning, relative financial stability and, usually, someone on a sizeable wage.

it’s actually a difference of £28,860 more contributed if you pay £50/week instead of £35/week over 37 years (from the age of 30) and that’s disregarding growth in any way. It could be a different up up to 100k when you’re figuring growth. Let’s say it’s i’m an annual return of 5%.

• £35/week → about £191k at 67.
• £50/week → about £273k at 67.

That extra £15/week massively compounds over the decades.

But surely I would deal with that if the situation occurred? 4-6 years (based on having another child) isn't exactly a short amount of time to be working with no benefit (bear in mind with 2 children we would actually be worse off with me working full time on minimum wage)

I agree i will probably need to look at a full time job eventually but perhaps it's worth me and partner trying to agree it's best to wait until we are done having children and they are at school?

You’re only 28! Why were you in such a rush to have children? In a house owned by your ex…how does that work. Ah @Calica1 seriously, I’m trying to make sense of the decisions and I just can’t 😫

£50 a month not £50 a week. My partner doesn't even contribute £50 a week on his salary!

Me and my ex own the house together. I've wanted kids since I was a kid. It's all I've ever wanted.