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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting to complain about this member of staff in Sainsburys - sorry long

142 replies

sillybut · 17/05/2008 18:47

I went to Sainsburys yesterday with my DD. I wasn't feeling too well so wanted to get in and out as quick as possible and had a short list of things we really needed. About half way round I started feeling awful - I was sick, couldn't feel parts of my body and everything had gone all blurry. DD was really scared but had the sense to run up to a member of staff and say "my mummy's not very well" (she's only 2+7). The woman turned round to her and said "she's just drunk you've got a really stupid mummy have't you" then she came up to me and told me I should leave the store immediately and take my child before she called the police.

By this time I couldn't talk properly, was crying with pain and could hardly walk. I knew by that stage I had a full blown migraine such as I've only had twice in my life before. I was mortified about being sick. Another woman stopped and said she was a nurse and and after that I don't remember much until I foundmyself in an ambulance with a very scared DD and the lovely nurse who'd insisted on cming to teh hospital with me.

I probably looked drunk but should I complain about the woman's reaction? DD keeps saying "mummy was sick and lady was horrid to me" and crying.

OP posts:
amytheearwaxbanisher · 18/05/2008 21:16

definatly complain horrible bitch your dd sounds lovely

suedonim · 18/05/2008 21:51

Compassion seems to be in short supply with some people.

Hope you feel a bit better today.

MsPontipine · 18/05/2008 23:39

Good letter - horrible bitch at Sainsburys. Good brave dd.

Love to you both xx

pinkyminky · 18/05/2008 23:52

I'm glad you have written a letter, that is an awful thing to happen.

My sister and her friend were out in town one evening when her calf ligament snapped- she was vomiting in agony but we couldn't get a policeman to help as he assumed she was drunk- a stranger called an ambulance for her and was really helpful. I think it's a sad state of affairs that people just assume someone is drunk and show no compassion.
I think you should inform your local paper, too.

nappyaddict · 19/05/2008 02:07

yes. also if she did think you were drunk what a silly thing to say leave the store and take your child with you

we had a drunk couple in the restaurant where i work the other week with 3 toddlers. my manager called the police cos he didn't think they could be responsible for 3 young children.

TinkerbellesMum · 19/05/2008 02:39

Stealth, I was going to do that when I read all the YANBU's!

I think by swing she means she could have gone either way.

Great letter, you've had some good points made to you about how to slightly change your wording, my own one would be "public-facing staff" as it sounds like the other way around otherwise, IYSWIM. I personally would take this a step at a time, you could be really pleased by the way the store handles it in which case you will upset the manager who has been so helpful. If you don't get anywhere with him, then take it to the HQ, if that fails then you can look into MP's and papers.

I think you need to write to the nurses superior and ask for her to be thanked for going above and beyond. You could also see if there is any award you could put DD up for. I would be tempted to write to the paper, as praise for DD and nurse and just spin the story to miss out the bad bit "DD called for help, nurse responded and rallied staff to call ambulance, etc"

I think more than vouchers (which I'd be offended at being offered over this) the manager should be asking you to bring DD in, taking her "backstage" apologising to her and telling her what a silly lady that was and that he has told her off because she shouldn't have been horrible to her mummy and she is such a big girl for looking after her mummy - cue lots of sweets and toys

mymblemummy · 19/05/2008 02:46

Disgraceful behaviour but what a wonderful little girl.
Do, do, do contact the local paper. It will get great coverage and Sainsbury will curl up with horror.
Local reporters are nice. A fair few national ones are too.

AitchTwoCiao · 19/05/2008 03:10

agree with blu's recommendation re the direct quote as you've inadvertently softened what she actually said.

i'm appalled that you were treated this way, twent-odd years ago my aunt got used to getting calls from teh police to say that my diabetic uncle was drunk in their cells, but i really thought people knew better now. there's so much wrong with what she did, i hope she is severely reprimanded. and i'd cc the letter to head office as well as the local shop, if you haven't done already.

hope you are feeling better, you must be unimaginably proud of your clever daughter.

Wisknit · 19/05/2008 08:54

That is dreadfull. Poor you and poor DD. Complain. I would.

GooseyLoosey · 19/05/2008 09:05

You must complain.

If you haven't already sent the letter, I would omit the reference to a serous migraine and just say you required hospital treatment. I find that people who have never had them or know those that do just think of them as a bad headache and something that you should be able to deal with.

People can be so ignorant and the only way to overcome it is to point out their stupidity.

I hope your dd is OK now - what a great girl she sounds.

Original poster
sillybut · 19/05/2008 19:08

Well I came home to a bouquet, a box of toys for DD AND a lovely letter from the store manager informing me "a number of members of the public have complained about the attitude of our member of staff towards you and your daughter. We will take action in line with our disciplinary proceedings and our training procedures will be reviewed. We are very sorry for the unecessary distress that was caused to you and on behalf of my staff I would like to offer my sincere apologies".

He also says he'll be sending me an update on the matter in due course.

I haven't even handed in my complaint letter yet. I wonder if the manager reads mumsnet!!!

I'm also wondering who else complained. There were a number of people around. I'll probably never know who.

Do you think I should leave it for now or respond to his letter at least thanking him for toys / flowers?

OP posts:
littlelapin · 19/05/2008 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 19/05/2008 19:19

imo no dont formally respond to them until they state their position. certainly you can acknowledge their flowers, but you do not need to respond unless you wish . wait and see what they plan to do (if anything) and you decide if this is satisfactory

how are you feeling anyway?

janeite · 19/05/2008 19:20

That's very good news indeed. Yes - I think you should write and thank him for the stuff, sending a copy of your own complaint letter and explaining that you had written it but had been holding on to it until you felt less emotionally scarred by the experience (or something). And telling him you look forward to being kept informed of any outcomes.

Hope you're feeling better now.

MagicMuffin · 19/05/2008 19:21

I would want an apology in person from the bitch-cow but that will probabyl never happen.

LilRedWG · 19/05/2008 19:21

I think I'd respond and thank him for the apology.

What are your feelings on shopping in that store again? If you feel strongly that you wouldn't want to, maybe just say something like,

"Many thanks for your letter, dated xx-May, regarding myself and my daughter. I very much appreciate the apology and that you will keep me updated on the matter. Unfortunately, in the short-term, I do not feel that I shall be able to return to your store comfortably, but hope to shop with you again in the long-term."

Who knows - you may get free home delivery until the issue is resolved with their member of staff.

LilRedWG · 19/05/2008 19:23

Janeite's suggestion of sending a copy of your letter is good too.

QOD · 19/05/2008 19:28

my friend wrote in to Sains as her dd skidded on freezer water and grazed her knee. She tore her tights and skinned her knees on a family day out, was crying and ruined half the day out.
They sent her £250!!!!!!!!!

pinkyminky · 19/05/2008 19:39

I suspect a number of people complained to the manger once you were on your way to hospital. I agree, thank them for the gesture, send your letter with it, but make it clear you await the outcome of their disciplinary procedure.

usernamechanged345 · 19/05/2008 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinkerbellesMum · 19/05/2008 21:03

I'd be contacting the local paper (especially if you have a free one) and asking them to do a small article thanking all the people who helped.

That was nice of the manager (although about the same in caring for you as himself ) I would acknowledge him so he knows you are wanting a resoloution to this issue.

2GIRLS · 19/05/2008 22:22

I don't think a bunch of flowers and some toys makes up for that AWFUL woman telling a 2 year old child her mummy's drunk and she's got a stupid mummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would be so outraged. If it were me I would request to meet with the store manager and discuss with him the trauma a member his staff caused to a 2 year old child who was already terrified because her mum was sick and had to be taken away in an ambulance.
And I would love it if that lady was there to see you with that manager.

I am so angry for you, let us know what happens.

TinkerbellesMum · 19/05/2008 23:25

2GIRLS, it doesn't, but it wasn't the manager that made the comment. For all we know he could have been absolutely horrified when he heard and that was the quickest and most obvious thing he could do straight off to show how upset he was by it. He's said he's going to discipline her, but things take time and this happened on a Friday so the weekend is probably not the easiest time for him to be dealing with it, so to get something done this quick I think shows how serious he is.

I would be giving him the benefit of the doubt at this point.

2GIRLS · 19/05/2008 23:36

I know it's not the managers fault and at least he's done something to acknowledge it.
Unfortunately you can't go and find this lady and discuss her shortcomings with her!!

It's still a good idea that she writes a letter to the manager as she should be able to tell him what happened, what was said ect, in her own words.

And a couple of hundred pounds worth of vouchers would be nice too.

Quattrocento · 19/05/2008 23:48

Gosh this is a complete horror story

Well done to your DD

I don't believe that flowers and a box of toys are anywhere near enough.