Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
Shessweetbutapsycho · 26/04/2025 09:53

I was 9 or 10 in the very late 80s, and it was NOT the done thing for teachers to smack children!!! As pp’s have said, I would take the opportunity to express some remorse for the evident trauma you inflicted on this person by assaulting the children in your care. It is a credit to her character that she is able to put aside your history of violence and provide a good level of care to your husband. You’re fortunate not to face prosecution.

Trethew · 26/04/2025 09:54

Whilst I have every sympathy for a young teacher struggling in a job she was not suited to, this is a perfect example of the enduring damage and hurt that can be inflicted by uncaring, hostile behaviour from a teacher.

elessar · 26/04/2025 09:54

I can’t believe you have the audacity to ask if you should be making a complaint about her - after she’s explained that she remembers your abusive behaviour towards her and her classmates when she was a young child!

the only correct course of action is to give her a heartfelt apology, explain that it was a dark time of your life and you’re heartily ashamed of your behaviour. And then be polite and courteous and don’t expect too much from her.

To be honest your reaction here says a lot about you - you were abusive and misused your power as a young adult, and all these years later you’re still inclined to try and use your power (as the wife of a patient) to professionally damage this poor woman’s career, for the crime of being a bit aloof towards you. Unbelievable. You should take a good hard look at yourself.

mcdog · 26/04/2025 09:55

I see you haven’t returned to your thread to comment further…

you did an awful thing, you abused children! And you genuinely think someone being “curt” warrants a complaint?!?!

whitewineandsun · 26/04/2025 10:04

The adacity of you. The power hungry thing has persisted, I suppose. I don't understand why you're shocked, unless you're pretending to be clueless.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10)

She's professional with your husband. That's it. I would have been curt with you, too! Who do you think you are?

Naunet · 26/04/2025 10:06

I don't believe this is real, but on the off chance, can you explain why you think it's fine to expect 10 year old children to deal with you screaming, throwing a desk and smacking kids, but you, as a grown adult, can't cope with someone being a bit off with you?

whitewineandsun · 26/04/2025 10:07

Naunet · 26/04/2025 10:06

I don't believe this is real, but on the off chance, can you explain why you think it's fine to expect 10 year old children to deal with you screaming, throwing a desk and smacking kids, but you, as a grown adult, can't cope with someone being a bit off with you?

Valid point!

Mumsgirls · 26/04/2025 10:08

I was at school twenty years before you taught. I will never forget being whacked across the face by a teacher, because I had made a mistake doing some art.it humiliated me in front of the whole class and was monstrously unfair. Like you she did not have the self control to teach. If I had met her in those circumstances, she would not have even got curt from me. You should be very ashamed and offer a sincere apology, at least you had the grace to leave teaching. The fact that you now wish to damage her with a complaint, shows your nasty character remains.
You will get no sympathy on here. Is there something wrong with you that you have such a lack of understanding now basic human decency and seek support on a parenting website. Incredible

SilviaSnuffleBum · 26/04/2025 10:09

You were a horrible, bullying cunt and the fact that she remembers such detail signifies the impact it had upon her. And, she was one of the 'lucky ones'.
Being unhappy isn't an excuse for verbally or physically abusing children.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/04/2025 10:11

Your post does not warrant much of a reply. Clearly you were a piece of work at 26 and remain so.

Endofyear · 26/04/2025 10:14

It sounds like she remembers you as a teacher who was abusive, shouted at and hit children in your care and threw a desk across the room (wtf?!) I went to school in the 70s and 80s and this was NOT the norm - I don't remember any teacher hitting a child in primary and there were some very challenging children in my school. You seem focused on how you were feeling at the time and not really acknowledging how terrifying it must have been for the children in your care.

I don't think you have any grounds to complain about your husband's physiotherapist, she is doing her job and doesn't have to be friendly to you. I think you need to reflect on how you've behaved in the past and the effect your behaviour has had on others.

belle40 · 26/04/2025 10:14

This has probably been mentioned upthread but from your account there is no breach of professionalism for the physiotherapist to answer to. If you chose to proceed with a formal complaint to the HCPC, you would also have to anticipate how the physiotherapist will present their management and interactions with their patient. If you are driving a complaint purely from your own position, you will be required to defend your previous behaviours as you have described them here.

Reading your account purely independently, I would argue that the physiotherapist is extremely professional in both management of their patient and interactions with the patient's family.

I would consider very carefully the potential impact to the physiotherapist and outcome for all from pursuing a professional complaint on this basis.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 26/04/2025 10:15

You clearly had a huge negative impact on her life. Hopefully you've changed but that doesn't affect how she feels. You would be extremely unreasonable to make a complaint.
I'd focus on the care she's giving your husband at the moment.

Parky04 · 26/04/2025 10:19

I was totally humiliated when I went to school in the 80s. Not only was I slippered, had tippex bottles thrown at me, and worse of all I was made to stand outside in the cold and rain in my underwear for 2 hours.

I was too scared to make a complaint and even if I did, nothing would have been done!

You don't seem to realise what your actions have done. Yes, it was 40 years ago, but the memories still remain. Reading this post has brought back pain ful memories of my utterly miserable time at school.

In the circumstances, she has done very well to control her emotions!

Pollypocket81 · 26/04/2025 10:21

I also struggle to believe that this is real.
If it is indeed real - you mention that noone made a complaint against you, maybe you have just been lucky. Certainly these days you would not only have been dismissed, but had civil and criminal proceedings against you. And who knows, maybe it could still happen....

anicecuppateaa · 26/04/2025 10:24

Funny that you’ve written a whole paragraph about how awful teaching was for you, but show no care for the pupils whose lives you seem to have a lasting traumatic impact on. Sounds like she is going above and beyond to be professional. You calling her aside is aggressive.

TimeForATerf · 26/04/2025 10:26

I cannot believe you would even CONSIDER complaining about her. Your behaviour was inexcusable, hers is not.

AD1509 · 26/04/2025 10:26

I’d say if she didn’t make a complaint against your child abuse then you can probably let her being “curt” slide

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 26/04/2025 10:28

Well she hasn’t smacked you or thrown a desk at you so perhaps you should count yourself lucky! Imagine your cheek at calling her unprofessional for being “curt” when that is on your record?! Wow.

Loub1987 · 26/04/2025 10:33

You deserve to be complained about. Not that it would do any good.

You are an abusive bully and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children.

WhatDaHell · 26/04/2025 10:33

I can't believe you asked to speak with her in private to be honest, even without knowing she knew who you was, that's just bizarre

Poppymeldrum · 26/04/2025 10:37

I was bullied by just about every teacher in primary school

Bullied,smacked and mentally abused-it's had a massive effect on me as an adult

The worst teacher is now best friends with my mother (long story,mothers a narcissist and I'm nc)

The same teacher had the brass neck to act like she was my best mate when I was about 17/18

I was too shy to tell her to do one at that point

Years later,if i saw her now,she'd get both barrels and I'd do a lot more than be aloof

You deserve it-bullies act in the dark and you don't like that she's brought your bullying into the light

You will have affected her as a child,which doesn't leave you as soon as you hit 18 and you suddenly forget

She's a better person than I'll ever be,at least she's being professional

Stay out of her way and be on your knees with gratitude that at least she's polite and a professional

Riaanna · 26/04/2025 10:40

You want to complain about someone who is not your care giver, who is doing their job well, acting with kindness to your spouse, because you used to beat children? Go for it.

Riaanna · 26/04/2025 10:41

Also good on her for calling you out!

Wellifyouresurebetterbegryffindor · 26/04/2025 10:42

You don't appear to have grown as a person since you were a teacher

Swipe left for the next trending thread