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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 26/04/2025 09:15

Ok so she’s a bit abrupt with you but frankly you sound like a Piece of shit so I wouldn’t worry too much about someone you abused verbally or physically whilst in the role of a teacher, being a bit abrupt

SolDeBlaBla · 26/04/2025 09:15

eggsandwich · 26/04/2025 09:04

When I was 9 years old, the young female teacher ( I won’t name her) asked the class how do you spell the word any.

After a number of the class spelt it with an e, I put my hand up and spelt it any, at which point she stormed over to me and slapped me so hard across the face, I was too shocked to cry, the teacher thought I had spelt the word with an e when I hadn’t and a classmate had said I had spelt it with an a and the teacher had misheard.

I never told my mum which I should have until many, many years later, but too this day it has affected me so much I never got over her actions and have carried it through my adult life.

I am so sorry you had to experience this. There are many stories like this. I wish we could name and shame but I know why we should't.

Porkychops · 26/04/2025 09:16

Wow so you abused children in your care, one of them remembers it and has been a bit off with you and it is all HER problem!! No words really, I'm glad you left teaching. I have similar memories of a female teacher assaulting me in front of my friends as I hadn't finished my maths! No one complained in those days as it was the norm because our parents would have backed the teachers!!

Hdjdb42 · 26/04/2025 09:17

I went to school.in the early 80s and smacking wasn't allowed. I remember my father being relieved about the school smacking ban. Because he had been targeted by a certain teacher for smacking, and whipping due to his learning difficultiesand dyslexia. How did you get away with it? I wish I could encourage that person to report you.

FuzzyYellowChicken · 26/04/2025 09:20

Sorry... You want to complain about her??? Am I reading that right.
Id have a hard time being nice to anyone who did that. She must be traumatised. I can't remember any of the teachers doing that when I was at school at a similar time.
Wow.

AndImBrit · 26/04/2025 09:21

This must either be made up or a reverse. No way can someone justify being in such bad place that they abused children in a professional capacity, and then not give any grace to another professional who is being civil but “aloof” to them.

Even if she wasn’t a victim of your abuse, you can’t expect every professional to fawn over you as by your own admission if they’re having bad time personally, it’s actually okay for the professional to shout at you and slap you.

You don’t deserve any courtesy from this physio - and tbh it’s weird that you’d expect any of your husband’s doctors to be more than clinical and professional with you.

preimenopauserulesmylife · 26/04/2025 09:22

So many of us suffer PTSD as adults from the trauma we went through at the hands of teachers back then.
I was a child of the 1980's. Always too afraid to even sneeze in class, but regularly had the board rubber thrown at me for not knowing the answer to questions.
When I look back as an adult I can see that he knew how terrified I was (I was a shy 8 year old) and he would get a weird kick out of this, putting his face right up close to mine and snarling at me.
It has stayed with me for life.

I never saw him again in adulthood, and I assume he will be long gone now, but if I had met him as an adult I would have acted the same way as the health professional you came into contact with. I would have questioned him on way he felt the need to intimidate and terrify a vulnerable 8 year old. I'd want him to know the impact he had on my life.

Springtimehere · 26/04/2025 09:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Popquorn · 26/04/2025 09:33

She has good reason to be aloof - and when you asked her why she told you.

You behaved badly then, and sound arrogant now.

skinnyoptionsonly · 26/04/2025 09:34

Wow

you threw desks?

You smack children?

You should be ashamed of yourself not making complaint about young lady doing her best to help your husband

skinnyoptionsonly · 26/04/2025 09:35

This actually can’t be real

skinnyoptionsonly · 26/04/2025 09:37

How is she holding you hostage? She’s just being aloof. She’s not confronted you in front of the hospital, which she could quite entitled to do.

do you really want to ruin her career after abusing her as a child?

You sound horrendous

QuaintPanda · 26/04/2025 09:38

The right thing to do would be to apologise to her. As you quickly gave up teaching, you realised you weren’t suited for it and had the decency to find a different job. But you will have caused long-term damage in some of those 30 kids you had in your care and I think a heartfelt apology might help mitigate some of that as well as being the right thing to do.

You messed up, and you weren’t working with inanimate objects, you were working with impressionable children.

notatinydancer · 26/04/2025 09:41

You say you’re shocked she remembers so much ? To me it sounds like she was deeply effected and traumatised by your horrendous treatment of some of her classmates.
I’m very glad you got out of teaching.
I’m surprised you thought you’d be able to teach ? I know couldn’t.
Also , the nerve of you having a word with her in private , I’m pleased she felt able to stand up to you as an adult.
I only hope she feels ok now.

Goingoutofmymind25 · 26/04/2025 09:42

You should be apologising and ashamed of yourself.
The post says all we need to know about you as a person

SwanOfThoseThings · 26/04/2025 09:42

I do remember a teacher smacking a pupil in the late 1980s, after the ban. The teacher was incompetent - her classes were a bear-garden - this particular pupil was an absolute little shit, taking knives into school (when this wasn't common as it is now) and in and out of young offenders' institutions, which he used to boast about - chaos really. He threatened immediately to sue her, but I don't know if anything came of this.

PineappleChicken · 26/04/2025 09:42

You traumatised her. You’re lucky she hasn’t reported you to the police for historical child abuse! You really need to reflect on this more. You should be devastated at the fact you’ve traumatised someone to the point they still remember it as an adult, not ‘riled up’.

Goingoutofmymind25 · 26/04/2025 09:43

Popquorn · 26/04/2025 09:33

She has good reason to be aloof - and when you asked her why she told you.

You behaved badly then, and sound arrogant now.

Very arrogant, and entitled

Goingoutofmymind25 · 26/04/2025 09:44

Hdjdb42 · 26/04/2025 09:17

I went to school.in the early 80s and smacking wasn't allowed. I remember my father being relieved about the school smacking ban. Because he had been targeted by a certain teacher for smacking, and whipping due to his learning difficultiesand dyslexia. How did you get away with it? I wish I could encourage that person to report you.

Went on "sick leave" after the outburst and never went back. She's a nasty piece of work

Leafy3 · 26/04/2025 09:44

You threw a desk across a room of primary pupils and you want to make a complaint because she was curt to you?!

With your comment about not letting that sort of thing go unnoticed you come across as a bully through and through.

You committed crimes @Toooldforallthisnow.

ChocolatesAndRainbows · 26/04/2025 09:46

I would probably leave it. She is being professional towards your husband. She has a very valid reason to dislike you and you need to let it go.

I went to a private school where smacking etc was still allowed but it never actually happened. I imagine teaching is a very hard and frustrating job and it's not for everyone and it certainly wasn't for you.

Unfortunately the bad teachers always stand out in our minds because they usually have biggest impact on us and this lady quite rightly doesn't want to interact on any level with someone she saw abuse children and I don't think she deserves to loose her job or be discipline because of that.

WellINeverrr · 26/04/2025 09:47

You'd think you'd be hanging your head in shame as opposed to making a complaint about her. YABVVVVU.

8misskitty8 · 26/04/2025 09:47

You taught in the late 80’s ? Then you were totally out of order and were lucky not to have been reported and charged. You physically assaulted children.
By 1982 it was ruled by European court of human rights that corporal punishment without parental permission was not allowed and schools generally began to stop.
The official British parliament law on 1986 banned it fully in schools.

She remembered you because you were abusive. You have nothing to report her for, she is treating your husband well.

Kaybee50 · 26/04/2025 09:47

Well done to the physiotherapist for calling you out on your appalling behaviour. I vividly remember teachers in the 1980’s shouting and hitting. I also remember the lovely kind ones - clearly you weren’t one of those. How dare you complain about her being ‘curt’ to you. It sounds like she has given your husband excellent care and is way more professional than you were.
Surely you should be considering apologising to her?

Bonsaibaby · 26/04/2025 09:48

The only good thing that could come of making a complaint would be that your abuse would be brought to light and possibly investigated further. So maybe that’s why a few people have voted yanbu.