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AIBU?

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Original poster

How much notice is reasonable to be invited to a show?

90 replies

LaurenBacalls · 25/04/2025 22:21

I was really fortunate to receive x2 tickets for a ballet at Christmas. Have been through such a hard time and I’m looking forward. The show is a month today.

I asked my partner if he wanted to come. He is notoriously not a planner and did not give me a straight answer, ‘let’s talk about it soon.’ I also think he isn’t crazy about ballet but I go to concerts of his im not bothered about…

I am a planner and already feel itchy about not having arranged who I will go with and maybe dinner before etc.

What sort of advance notice is reasonable to give a friend if I ask someone else?

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 25/04/2025 22:23

He either wants to go or he doesn't, the dithering would annoy me. Invite someone else

mdinbc · 25/04/2025 22:32

Depending on how far away it is, a week or two should be fine. If a friend called with an extra ticket on a Wednesday for a Friday show locally, I would be thrilled and say yes unless I had other plans.

If it meant driving into a city and hour away, parking or transit, then for sure a week or more.

Ollybob · 25/04/2025 22:34

Depends how much extra costs there are -travel, food, drinks and the time needed.
Minimum generally a week but a month is good.
Last time I went to a comedy gig I was invited just as I got home from work and had 20 minutes to get ready and fly out the door!

Redshoeblueshoe · 25/04/2025 22:35

I'd ask your friend tomorrow, because if they can;t make it you've got time to make other arrangements.

DappledThings · 25/04/2025 22:37

Would you actually enjoy going with him after he's been so lacklustre about it? Invite someone you'll have a better time with now

There's no inappropriate amount of notice to give someone, it just obviously means they are less likely to be free the longer you leave it

EmeraldRoulette · 25/04/2025 22:45

I'm free a month today 😂

seriously though, I thought this was going to be the other way round. The shortest notice I've ever had is someone asking me 45 minutes before the show started because her friend was ill.

But anyway, why he can't just commit to going or not going is beyond me. Ask someone else and plan a nice night out.

Gundogday · 25/04/2025 22:52

I thought it was going to be the other way round as well.

I would give him a deadline. Ie. Say to partner, can you let know by Sunday evening if you want to see ‘ballet’. If you don’t want to, or I don’t have a reply, then I’m going to ask ‘insert friends name. ‘. If you ‘don’t know’ then I’ll take that as a ‘no’ because if you did want to come, then you’ll know”. Don’t be fobbed off and take control of the situation.

Newgirls · 25/04/2025 22:56

who gave you the tickets? Can you take them? A friend? He doesn’t sound keen so why take him?

Original poster
LaurenBacalls · 25/04/2025 23:01

@Newgirls my mother and as she handed them over she said but don’t take me, as I don’t like the ballet 😂

I have a close friend I can ask first but I don’t know if she’s free.

the problem is now I have invited him. Tbh I’m annoyed that he’s not keen. I went to another country just to see a band I couldn’t give a rats arse about with him a few months back.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaurenBacalls · 25/04/2025 23:02

@Gundogday sounds reasonable to me.

I don’t know why he’s dithering. If someone invited me to a ballet, let alone my partner, I’d be keen.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 26/04/2025 07:03

Rude of him. would tell him that unless he wishes to attend and is sure he can make it you’ll ask a friend, to minimise risk of wasting a ticket.

FOJN · 26/04/2025 07:10

Just tell him that you would like to make plans for the trip and if he can't commit then you are going to invite someone else.

You don't have to passively wait for someone to make up their mind if it risks you being left without anyone to go with because they say they can't go at the 11th hour.

He may not be a planner but you are, don't put your plans on hold because he won't make up his mind.

MinnieMountain · 26/04/2025 07:13

Invite the friend now since she’ll appreciate it. Sod him.

HelenWheels · 26/04/2025 07:15

MinnieMountain · 26/04/2025 07:13

Invite the friend now since she’ll appreciate it. Sod him.

just invite the friend,
he shouldnt dither over it

Original poster
LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

OP posts:
Evaka · 26/04/2025 07:44

You've invited him but he's not interested. Revoke the invite and invite your friend? Give him a chance to show enthusiasm: "Dave, you didn't sound overly buzzed about the ballet. I'm going to invite Louise instead unless you're super keen". If he continues to be vague just tell him you don't want him to come and you're going with your mate.

Evaka · 26/04/2025 07:45

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

Just to add, ballet isn't for everyone. Go with someone who would enjoy it too!

Empress13 · 26/04/2025 07:49

I would explain to friend that you have tickets and if DP won’t go would she like to go and that it might be last minute. If she definitely doesn’t have any plans I can’t see the problem. I’d be more than happy to help a friend with that

BlueMum16 · 26/04/2025 07:52

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

Ibe direct, are you coming with me and I'll book dinner or shall I ask someone else?

Newgirls · 26/04/2025 08:06

We’ve been married a long time and there are things I go to with my friends and he goes to emo bands with his. There are things we go to together. It’s normal

beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 08:07

Just ask if he minds you asking someone else and invite somebody who will actually enjoy it.

CanYouTurnItDown · 26/04/2025 08:11

The tickets are for Christmas? As in 8 months away? I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to think about it yet, but it sounds like you’d be better taking a friend. Just tell him ‘you didn’t sound fussed so I’ve asked Brenda’.

Moonnstars · 26/04/2025 08:14

He doesn't want to go, else he would have said yes immediately. I hate this excuse of not being a planner, to me it sounds like they are simply waiting to see if something better comes up before they commit.
I would be asking a friend now as it's only a month away. If someone wants to go then they will immediately say yes once checking the date rather than wasting your time by saying they will have to wait and see.

beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 08:14

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

If he’s not into it he’s not into it. If you don’t want to see bands he likes you can also tell him to invite a friend instead.

different people are for different things.

Original poster
LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 08:15

@CanYouTurnItDown i got the tickets for Christmas. The event is a month today

OP posts:
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