How much notice is reasonable to be invited to a show?

[LaurenBacalls]

I was really fortunate to receive x2 tickets for a ballet at Christmas. Have been through such a hard time and I’m looking forward. The show is a month today.

I asked my partner if he wanted to come. He is notoriously not a planner and did not give me a straight answer, ‘let’s talk about it soon.’ I also think he isn’t crazy about ballet but I go to concerts of his im not bothered about…

I am a planner and already feel itchy about not having arranged who I will go with and maybe dinner before etc.

What sort of advance notice is reasonable to give a friend if I ask someone else?

But the theatre is not ballet, honestly like I said earlier ballet is beautiful, I used to do ballet, but I would sooner pull my teeth out myself then sit through a ballet, I do enjoy the theatre and have sat through some shows that I wasn't that keen on going to, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have rather the other person that had taken someone that was more interested in it.

I think you're taking this too personally. He doesn't want to go to the ballet. He's not saying he doesn't want to spend any time with you.

Why not suggest something else you know he would enjoy doing, it doesn't have to be massively expensive.

You're obviously worrying about your relationship in general, so focus on other things you're putting too much emphasis on this one trip to the ballet.

@LaurenBacalls believe me, going with someone who REALLY doesn’t want to engage with ballet will just piss on your chips.

Go with someone who will wholeheartedly enter into the spirit of the ballet. Someone who will be swept up just as you are. It’s far, far better that way.

Believe me, I’ve tried.

the problem is now I have invited him

and he has shown you he's not bothers (or at this point - I see later in the thread he has declined), so there is no problem with asking someone else.

Tbh I’m annoyed that he’s not keen.

But that's ridiculous. We all have things that appeal to us and others that don't - even just types of music, some like opera, others country, others pop, others heavy metal, others classical, etc. - that's before you get into other pastimes like taking part in battle re-enactment, or deep sea fishing, or beekeeping or bell ringing or crochet or cycling.
Why on earth would you want to drag someone along to something when you know they really don't want to be there ?

I went to another country just to see a band I couldn’t give a rats arse about with him a few months back.

Why?
I mean, I get it's good to give things a go you've never tried before, but why go to a band whose music you don't like ?

Re your title question "How much notice is reasonable to be invited to a show?"

For someone or something I really wanted to see, I'd lock in up to 18months ahead.
At the other end of the scale, most recently, I've gone to a show with a friend who messaged me 30mins before we needed to go out to use her friend's ticket (friend was ill).

But if someone said "Do you want to go and see Metallica?" I would say "No thanks" when asked. Nothing to do with how much I like the person, and everything to do with not liking the music.

This. It doesn't have to be loaded with anything to do with your relationship - you just need to plan A Thing, and he's not on board with it.

It's fine if he doesn't fancy it, and much better for you if you go with someone who will truly appreciate it. I adore ballet but it isn't for everyone!

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, he’s had a long time to let you know and this isn’t worded like you’ve been together for 2 years! I think you need to sit down and discuss your feelings for sure as they’re totally valid

Tell him to hurry up and decide by today or you'll invite someone else.

She has asked him and he brushed her off and wouldn't respond one way or the other. That's a NO to me and I'd be asking someone else to go instead and not giving him a deadline.

Maybe use this as an opportunity to say no next time he suggests something you don’t want to do - it’s ok to be open and honest with each other. If the issue is not having a date planned then why not plan a date?

TBF I did post that 2 days ago before he gave her a definitive response.

She was still holding out hope at this point.

OP, the ballet can be very much a taste thing so I might give him a pass, but I would be watching out.
If he has decided to stop making an effort with you, don't stay.
Seriously think about whether or not you want a one way street when it comes to effort.

But if he doesn't like ballet then he probably wouldn't jump at the chance However it would be better to just say " no thanks'

@Amateurs10 I think you’re right.

I do understand what people are saying about the ballet but he has always just come to things to be with me and been open minded.

I’ll let the ballet go but be on the look out.

It's important to separate out one incident and a pattern.

He may just dislike ballet. I think quite a lot of people, especially men, aren't that keen. It has its own language so that it can feel a bit inaccessible to people who don't know some of the basics, and a reputation for an aesthetic that is quite gendered. He may have been to one or two in the past and have really not enjoyed it, or he may just have found the media impression hits all the wrong buttons. Him having one or two things he actually feels put off by isn't the same as him not being generally adventurous. And as someone else said - not liking ballet or wanting to go doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

But if he's saying no to everything you like that he doesn't have an active interest in himself, that's a different matter and a bigger picture issue that you should pay attention to.

Ballet is marmite and lots of men have stereotypes about it. If it’s a one off it could be that.