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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much notice is reasonable to be invited to a show?

90 replies

LaurenBacalls · 25/04/2025 22:21

I was really fortunate to receive x2 tickets for a ballet at Christmas. Have been through such a hard time and I’m looking forward. The show is a month today.

I asked my partner if he wanted to come. He is notoriously not a planner and did not give me a straight answer, ‘let’s talk about it soon.’ I also think he isn’t crazy about ballet but I go to concerts of his im not bothered about…

I am a planner and already feel itchy about not having arranged who I will go with and maybe dinner before etc.

What sort of advance notice is reasonable to give a friend if I ask someone else?

OP posts:

CanYouTurnItDown · 26/04/2025 08:22

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 08:15

@CanYouTurnItDown i got the tickets for Christmas. The event is a month today

Aah, yeah he’s just being a twat. Ask a friend

Zonder · 26/04/2025 08:24

Just ask him for a yes or no. He clearly isn't keen. Then you can ask a friend with a month's notice.

And maybe stop going to things you're not interested in with him. It's fine to have different interests.

SilverButton · 26/04/2025 08:26

It's reasonable to plan a month ahead. Ask him to give you a firm answer so you can ask someone else if it's a no.

And next time he invites you to see a band, don't go unless you want to.

It sounds lovely OP - enjoy!

MoistVonL · 26/04/2025 08:29

“You’re obviously not keen, DH, so I am going to ask Maria to come to the ballet with me.”

Hadalifeonce · 26/04/2025 08:30

Certainly give him a deadline. If he still doesn't respond, just tell him you will ask someone else to go with you.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/04/2025 08:38

Depends on the person. I’d do something like this at short notice (a few days) so long as I was free, and I usually am as my friends and I typically only plan things days, rather than weeks or months, in advance. That said obviously if you leave it last minute it’s possible your friends won’t be free, your partner doesn’t sound keen so if there’s someone else you’re thinking of taking ask them and see if they’re free - sounds like your partner should be the back up plan not the first choice!

MinnieMountain · 26/04/2025 08:43

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

I would be too OP. The first time DH came to watch ballet with me he only did it because I enjoy it. He’s a convert now 😁

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/04/2025 08:49

I’ve been called 2 hours before a performance due to someone dropping out. I was happy to go. Your DP clearly doesn’t want to go. Invite someone else.

whitewineandsun · 26/04/2025 08:53

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 08:15

@CanYouTurnItDown i got the tickets for Christmas. The event is a month today

He's dodging. Ask a friend this weekend.

Littlemisscapable · 26/04/2025 08:55

Take me..hes not bothered clearly. Give him an ultimatum this afternoon and after that invite.a friend and make a day of it.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 26/04/2025 08:59

I wouldn't ask him to let you know this weekend, I'd invite someone else.

He's made it clear he isn't keen.

If you offered him a ticket to the World Cup or something he wouldn't need to think about it.

Doesn't sound very nice of him that he can't just be honest and has no problem mucking you around. Is he actually your partner or just a boyfriend?

Original poster

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 09:50

I’ve asked him to let me know by tomorrow. I know people said don’t bother, but I DID invite him, it feels rude to ask someone else without resolving that first.

For me, I think I’d need two weeks notice generally, so leaves time.

OP posts:

LlynTegid · 26/04/2025 10:04

I think you have been reasonable in your decision to want an answer by tomorrow. A month's notice is perfectly OK.

If ballet is not for him, then he should just say 'it's not for me' or something similar. Much as some things you go to may not be to your taste, however much you admire the skill and talent involved. I won't go to opera for example, it's not for me.

Gundogday · 26/04/2025 10:10

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 09:50

I’ve asked him to let me know by tomorrow. I know people said don’t bother, but I DID invite him, it feels rude to ask someone else without resolving that first.

For me, I think I’d need two weeks notice generally, so leaves time.

Good move. He says he needs further time to decide, then reply that you taking that as a ‘no’ and if he waffles on, shut him down and say you’re now asking a friend. He’s had his chance!

whitewineandsun · 26/04/2025 10:11

I wouldn't wait two weeks to ask someone this time of year.

fiveIsNewOne · 26/04/2025 10:17

It sounds to me he isn't exactly enthusiastic yes, but isn't a no either.

Wouldn't it work better the other way round - agreeing with him, that you would check whether the friend would like to go, and if no, he would agree to go with you?

With my partner when I ask him whether he would like to go somewhere, he considers his preference. If I say I'd like him to go somewhere with me, he understands and goes with me. (And can enjoy it when he is there)

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 26/04/2025 10:18

Just tell him you’re going to ask a friend as you can see he isn’t keen. You don’t need to do everything with your boyfriend. Just stop going to bands you don’t like for him. I’ve been married forever but we don’t do everything together. We do things with our friends sometimes. When we do attend events together it’s because we both want to be there and are both really into whatever it is.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/04/2025 12:12

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

Why are you upset? I’d be bored rigid at the ballet, it wouldn’t be a great night out for me. It’d be nothing to do with the person I’m with it’d the ballet! Don’t take it personally. Just organise things you both like to do.

And stop going to stuff you don’t enjoy for him! Does he know you don’t like his choice in bands? If not, why not? Neither of you should go to things you don’t enjoy just to please the other person.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 26/04/2025 12:16

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 09:50

I’ve asked him to let me know by tomorrow. I know people said don’t bother, but I DID invite him, it feels rude to ask someone else without resolving that first.

For me, I think I’d need two weeks notice generally, so leaves time.

Maybe he doesn't like the composer.

Which ballet is it?

GabriellaMontez · 26/04/2025 12:19

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 09:50

I’ve asked him to let me know by tomorrow. I know people said don’t bother, but I DID invite him, it feels rude to ask someone else without resolving that first.

For me, I think I’d need two weeks notice generally, so leaves time.

Rude?

Rude is him, not giving you a straight answer and instead, leaving you hanging and potentially unable to find anyone.

"Yes please" or "no thanks" are the words he should be using.

Ask him to let you know by Saturday as if it's a no, you'll need to give someone else notice.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/04/2025 12:24

LaurenBacalls · 25/04/2025 23:01

@Newgirls my mother and as she handed them over she said but don’t take me, as I don’t like the ballet 😂

I have a close friend I can ask first but I don’t know if she’s free.

the problem is now I have invited him. Tbh I’m annoyed that he’s not keen. I went to another country just to see a band I couldn’t give a rats arse about with him a few months back.

You've invited him - assuming that was some time ago and he's not bothered to respond, just go ahead and invite someone else.

AffIt · 26/04/2025 12:28

LaurenBacalls · 26/04/2025 07:39

I think I’ll ask him to let me know this weekend.

To be perfectly honest, I’m upset that he didn’t jump at the chance for a great evening out with me. But I would rather someone who is keen came with me.

I love the ballet and so does my OH, fortunately, but it's not for everybody, as with most things.

I also love opera, but my sister LOATHES it: I could give her six months' notice of an opening night at La Scala and she'd still turn me down!

It's not so much about the notice, I don't think, more about the fact your partner doesn't want to go and is rather clumsily trying not to be rude by not saying an outright 'no thank you'.

Give him a reminder, say you need to know by Saturday, he'll doubtless be grateful for the out, and then invite your friend, who presumably likes ballet. You'll have a much more enjoyable evening.

Oh, and you really don't need to do these things for other people if you don't want to, tbh: my OH likes music festivals whereas I would sooner chew off one of my own limbs than attend one, so he goes with friends. Everybody wins!

taxi4ballet · 26/04/2025 16:49

I'll come. When and where?😂

Original poster

LaurenBacalls · 27/04/2025 14:05

Partner replied saying ‘I’m going to decline, so please ask someone else. It sounds like a really interesting and fun show though.’

im upset by his response. I wanted to go with him.

Ill ask a friend now and obviously.

OP posts:

Original poster

LaurenBacalls · 27/04/2025 14:09

taxi4ballet · 26/04/2025 16:49

I'll come. When and where?😂

In Scotland, in a few weeks, if you can make it!

OP posts:

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