How much notice is reasonable to be invited to a show?

[LaurenBacalls]

I was really fortunate to receive x2 tickets for a ballet at Christmas. Have been through such a hard time and I’m looking forward. The show is a month today.

I asked my partner if he wanted to come. He is notoriously not a planner and did not give me a straight answer, ‘let’s talk about it soon.’ I also think he isn’t crazy about ballet but I go to concerts of his im not bothered about…

I am a planner and already feel itchy about not having arranged who I will go with and maybe dinner before etc.

What sort of advance notice is reasonable to give a friend if I ask someone else?

A great night in YOUR opinion but if he doesn’t fancy it thats okay isn’t it? His dithering would annoy me too but I wouldnt wait around for an answer - find someone else or go on your own.

Well, he cant win now , can he?!

I would rather you took a friend that would enjoy it then feel compelled to accompany you to something. I'm not interested in, but maybe he's finding it difficult to tell you that because you have been to concerts you weren't interested in.

Frankly, I'd rather pull my own teeth out and sit through a ballet, ballet is beautiful, I used to do ballet, but after the first minute I'm just bored rigid so I rather you took a friend who will enjoy it.

Just talk to him so he feels able to say he'd rather not go if that's the case, explain if he doesn't want to go you will take a friend but you need to give them notice so you need to talk about it today.

EDITED: I see, I have cross post with you. Yes, it's a shame he doesn't want to go, but you're far better off going with a friend who will enjoy it!!

Have fun.

@NestOfWipers I think it’s really about the fact we haven’t had a lot of quality time together recently, and when an opportunity for a date night comes up at a show in a special venue, he says no. I also explicitly said I’d like him to come, which I don’t do much.

but yes, obviously I’d rather go with someone who wants to be there. So I’ve messaged a friend who likes theatre - we’ll see what she says!

Isn’t declining with no reason a bit crap?

No is a complete sentence as we say on here!

Seriously, dont be upset. You are overthinking it . He doesn’t want to go thats all.Doesnt mean he doesn’t love you.

I’m trying to think of it like that. It is hard not feel rejected, like he’s saying no to spending time together.

We don’t currently have any future plans set up to look forward to.

It’s obviously not his cup of tea (of mine)

so go with a friend

If he had any intention of going he'd have said so. You need to make other arrangements.

Fwiw, I don't "need" loads of notice, if you called me on the day of the show and I was free, I'd go, but equally if someone asked a month (or 3) before the event, I'd still give them an answer and a commitment then. Anything else is basically saying you're waiting for a better offer or to think of an excuse.

@Blondeshavemorefun I understand.

But also I go to several things that aren’t my cup of tea with him, like concerts where I’m not bothered about the music, or the pub with his mates when he wants me to.

He always usually comes with me to the theatre, it has became a shared hobby. He never declined before and I’m worried he’s suddenly not wanting to do things with me.

Like a PP says, going forward I’m happy to not bother so much with things he wants me to do. I also don’t want it to end up that we have no shared interests and each become selfish ‘well I don’t feel like it, so I won’t go with you’ people.

No... Going when he doesn't want to is crap. He should be allowed to say no, as should you. You're seeming more unreasonable the more the thread goes on (although I was with you at the start)

sure Your relationship is fine

but don’t do things that you don’t want to do /be happy

He finally said ‘I don’t want to watch a ballet’ which is all he should’ve said when I asked.

Im not in a good place just now following job loss and bereavement. I suppose I do think he should be making more of an effort, but I can’t make him.

hopefully my friend says yes and I have a great night.

I live in Scotland!
Which ballet is it?

I’ve always thought cinema or theatre a bit of a lousy date night as you spend most of it not actually engaging with the person you are with at all.

I wouldn’t go to a show I really want into just because my partner wanted to, unless they had no-one else to go with. I wouldn’t see that a reflection on my desire to spend time with them.

Sorry you're going through a hard time, OP. Is he aware that you didn't have any interest in the concerts, etc that you went to with him?

Probably not, I'll be in Cornwall. 😂

Thanks for the offer though.

@NotISaidTheCat he knew the concert I last went to was something I wouldn’t go to usually. But I went because I knew it mattered to him and we had a good time.

Im open minded and say yes even if out of my comfort zone. He usually is but I feel like he’s very comfortable now

last week, we spent our time on walks, pottering around the garden, cooking…all nice, but exciting date nights matter to me too. We are only early 30s.

Oldest who was on the standby list got offered Taylor Swift tickets.

He had to get the train - NOW! Rang his friend who raced over & off they wen

Maybe you could find an exciting date night that both of you really like? What do you both like?

There are some people who would just embrace the opportunity to try something different.

There are some partners who just like spending time with the other person and like seeing them happy even if the thing wasn’t normally something they’d go to.

You sound like that and that’s fab.

However he doesn’t and you need to think if you want that moving forward. How long into relationship is it?

@CornishTiger yep, I am like that.

Here’s the thing - he gave the impression he was also like that. He has always come to the theatre, movies, etc with me, to make me happy. He said he’s loved being opened to new experiences.

we’ve been together for nearly 2 years. It seems like now he doesn’t think he needs to put the effort in and it was a bit of an act to get me in a way?

Maybe you're overthinking it and it was just that he genuinely didn't really see himself at the ballet?