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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH Leaving Baby Alone with Cats

140 replies

untitled1 · 25/04/2025 22:02

I'm really struggling with a situation at home and could use some outside perspective. I have a three-week-old baby and we also have cats. Today, my husband left our baby in the living room with two of the cats while the baby was sleeping so he could wash dishes and quickly nip upstairs.

I completely flipped out when I discovered this. In my view, a newborn should never be left alone with pets, even for a few minutes. I've made this request clear before, but my husband is now saying he's not going to follow it if he's "just nipping out the room for a few minutes."

I'm absolutely devastated that he won't honor this simple request regarding our newborn's safety. The cats may be perfectly gentle, but they're still animals with unpredictable behavior.

Am I being unreasonable here? Or am I right to be upset that my husband won't follow this boundary when it comes to our baby?

More importantly, what can I do about this, what do others with cats do?

OP posts:
FNDandme · 25/04/2025 23:07

Not being unreasonable at all. We have a dog and there is always either an adult in the room if DD and DDog are together.

Lyra87 · 25/04/2025 23:09

As someone with 3 cats, yanbu with him nipping upstairs. Doing dishes is dependant on how close kitchen is to the living room (if that's where baby was). Cats like warmth so while DD was small enough to be in a moses basket I wouldn't have been more than 30 seconds away from her with the cats around.

Napface · 25/04/2025 23:10

I wouldn't leave a cat with a baby personally. My cat likes to sit on my chest at the crack of dawn when I'm still in bed and it's uncomfortable for me, I can't imagine how it would be for a newborn baby. It's surprising how heavy a cat can be.

Maray1967 · 25/04/2025 23:11

OP, in my experience DHs can be totally blasé about risk to babies. Mine got annoyed with me telling him not to have the baby on the sofa with him when he was tired. He insisted all was fine when we arrived in France with DS2 at 6 months old and had a go at me for asking him to put him down on the floor. An hour later we were in A& E after DH nodded off when I was in the shower and DS rolled off the sofa bench on to the floor. I heard the thud and have never been so frightened in my life. DH got a very firm lecture from the Dr. Once back in the caravan he got the bollocking of his life from me. I learned then to stand firm on all safety issues and you need to do so.

I would go so far as to say that if you ever catch him leaving the cats alone with the baby you will rehome the cats immediately. I would certainly do that without hesitation. If he wants to avoid that, he knows what he needs to do

Ph3 · 25/04/2025 23:13

I have had cats and I’m with OP!

LunaDeBallona · 25/04/2025 23:13

My husbands life was saved by his older brother when he was a newborn.
Cat jumped into his carrycot and was on his chest - he was blue when his older brother checked on him.
Im sure the cat didn’t mean to (nearly kill him ) but it was a close call.
So im totally with you OP.
Another minute and he would have been dead,
Please ignore all of the ‘overreaction’ posts - it’s not an overreaction, it’s a very valid one.

Jayneyy · 25/04/2025 23:21

YANBU.
I also remember cat nets- and if they were available ‘back in the day’ when children could ride in the back of cars with no seat belt on, it just shows this was a genuine safety measure.

Whilst I do agree with other posters saying it’s unlikely to happen/ post the links where it has, you wouldn’t want to be that ‘first’ mum saying you didn’t believe it would actually happen to your baby.

it’s too risky imo.
Animals can turn, especially on another ‘creature’ that may suddenly make a noise.
So many people have cat scratches when they ‘didn’t think’ they’d get scratched.

I agree with you- don’t risk your baby.

NestOfWipers · 25/04/2025 23:23

LadyGAgain · 25/04/2025 22:58

This is definitely something to worry about. We bought a fitted net that went over the bugaboo bassinet so when we left them alone the cat couldn’t jump in.

People saying this isn’t a thing or that OP is being weird/overly cautious are not helpful. Cats LOVE warmth and to snuggle and smothering a new born happens.

Do you have a link to those statistics or is it just an old wives tale repeated...

Eleph42 · 25/04/2025 23:29

YANBU - why risk it! Also, I think it’s really hurtful that he’s refusing to respect your wishes on a reasonable request, even if he doesn’t agree. I know your baby has two parents but mother’s instincts are real and he should be following your lead (at least for these first few months anyway) imo!!

Lavender14 · 25/04/2025 23:29

I had a cat when ds was a baby and I would never have left them alone together.

I also think there's a big difference between nipping out of the room for a minute and doing dishes and going upstairs and a lot can happen in that time. Babies are warm and soft, covered in blankets and smell like milk. Most baby items like moses baskets look really appealing to cats. He needs to be more cautious with this for sure otherwise he's setting your pets up for a fail.

I would talk to your health visitor about it with him in the room so he can hear it from a professional.

Aside from that - the next problem you have is the fact this is something important to you - a safety concern regarding your child - and he's just blankly shot you down and said he'll be doing his own thing. That attitude needs nipped in the bud or you'll have big issues in your marriage further down the line. You should both be working together as a team and if one of you feels strongly about a risk relating to your child the other should respect that.

Wolfpa · 25/04/2025 23:29

Was it a request or a demand?

when you have both calmed down it may be easier to have a conversation about each others concerns and come to a mutual agreement.

Crazyworldmum · 25/04/2025 23:29

Floofyboy2010 · 25/04/2025 22:06

@Idunno8A cat could suffocate a newborn if it jumped in the moses basket. I'm with OP.

I doubt that ever happened

Bobbybobbins · 25/04/2025 23:30

Yanbu

TwelveBlueSocks · 25/04/2025 23:31

I think that with newborn babies, it pays to be super careful.

I asked my DH not to hold a mug of tea while our newborn was sound asleep on his chest. He rolled his eyes at me. Literally two minutes later, the baby did this weird frog hop, where his legs twitched violently. The baby flew a full foot into the air, headbutted the mug of hot tea and landed on his head on the floor.

Honestly it was the most bonkers thing ever, but around new babies strange things do happen. The baby will only be tiny for a very short time and for that short period, you and your DH are on guard.

Good luck, and well done for looking after your DC.

(I was an outdoor pram-sleeping 70s baby wth with a cat net btw.)

Babyboomtastic · 25/04/2025 23:36

I'm totally fence sitting here.

When mine were babies I'd happily briefly leave the room with baby in the moses basket and the cats around. BUT cat 1 is blind and so couldn't get into the moses basket and cat 2 was afraid of everything and wouldn't have gone near. If it had been with a future cat we had, they wouldn't have been in the room together even supervised, because she was a aggressive cat.

With an average cat I'd probably potter, make a cuppa, pop to the loo etc if they were in the same room, but wouldn't go and wash dishes without popping back intermittently. If the cat was asleep, I'd pop back less than if it were wandering around.

Although I tried my best to supervise them, there were times when they were alone together because I accidentally shut them in together. A few times I shut the door specifically to keep out a cat, only to shut them in together 😂

You know your cats temperament. Are they aggressive? Do they like sleeping on people? If the answer to those is yes, then you'll need to supervise more than a cat who isn't a lap cat and who is docile and just sleeps on the sofa all the time.

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 25/04/2025 23:37

Why take the risk op isn't asking her DH for the earth.

Delphiniumandlupins · 25/04/2025 23:45

You need to discuss this together. You need to explain your concerns - presumably that the cats could climb into Moses Basket/cot - and what you can both do to prevent that happening. He may not believe this scenario is likely but if he wouldn't leave the cats in the same room for a longer period why does he think a few minutes is ok? Because if something did go wrong it wouldn't take long at all.

4kids3pets · 26/04/2025 00:05

Dog never always brought her out the room with me but our 4 cats no problems and that was with 3 babies in baskets at the same time.

GBooArt · 26/04/2025 00:11

Floofyboy2010 · 25/04/2025 22:06

@Idunno8A cat could suffocate a newborn if it jumped in the moses basket. I'm with OP.

Yes, that's what I was going to say. A cat could sit on your baby (warm and squishy place!) and fall asleep. You need to get your husband on side somehow.

CalmFawn · 26/04/2025 00:21

a cat sat on the face of a baby a few years ago and the poor baby suffocated. I think it was in Russia. I was pregnant with my first baby when I read about it and got very stressed as I hadn’t thought about the cat risk. I haven’t got the link but if you google it comes up!

I never left my cat alone with any of my children . Just wasn’t worth the risk and I’d be fuming if my husband did

Rollonsummer2025 · 26/04/2025 00:23

Floofyboy2010 · 25/04/2025 22:06

@Idunno8A cat could suffocate a newborn if it jumped in the moses basket. I'm with OP.

Yes my mother was worried about cats getting into the pram and cosying up beside a sleeping baby. Cats always find the most cosy spot.

FlakyCritic · 26/04/2025 00:36

Floofyboy2010 · 25/04/2025 22:06

@Idunno8A cat could suffocate a newborn if it jumped in the moses basket. I'm with OP.

That is an old wives tale. There is no record of a baby ever being suffocated by a cat.

FlakyCritic · 26/04/2025 00:41

YABU Cats are very protective of newborns. When I was a baby, our cat slept in the room with me and if the dogs next door started barking our cat would go belt the dogs up and they'd be yelping. Come back in and stay with me in the room watching me, apparently. I would allow the cats be with your baby because it will be protection.

Franjipanl8r · 26/04/2025 00:45

FlakyCritic · 26/04/2025 00:36

That is an old wives tale. There is no record of a baby ever being suffocated by a cat.

Show quote history

Yes there is. A baby was suffocated by a cat and had brain damage and died 7 months later from her injuries.