DH Leaving Baby Alone with Cats

[untitled1]

I'm really struggling with a situation at home and could use some outside perspective. I have a three-week-old baby and we also have cats. Today, my husband left our baby in the living room with two of the cats while the baby was sleeping so he could wash dishes and quickly nip upstairs.

I completely flipped out when I discovered this. In my view, a newborn should never be left alone with pets, even for a few minutes. I've made this request clear before, but my husband is now saying he's not going to follow it if he's "just nipping out the room for a few minutes."

I'm absolutely devastated that he won't honor this simple request regarding our newborn's safety. The cats may be perfectly gentle, but they're still animals with unpredictable behavior.

Am I being unreasonable here? Or am I right to be upset that my husband won't follow this boundary when it comes to our baby?

More importantly, what can I do about this, what do others with cats do?

You have 2 choices:
Get rid of your DH
Get rid of the cats
Or
Calm down. It's a non-issue!

Cats and even tiny dogs can easily smother babies unintentionally. YANBU - you need to make sure your newborn is not left unattended with them - that tiny baby has no defences!

I agree.

Even as a child, I was warned that you never leave a cat alone with a baby - it can do damage just by seeking warmth and snuggling up with the baby.

YANBU, we never left our cats unattended with a baby.

Surely cat nets predate Footballers' Wives. They sit on a nice warm lap, they like baskets with soft mattresses inside, it's not crazy to think they might decide to sit on the nice warm baby in the nice comfy basket. Or as PP said, just jump into it blind and landing on them.

According to one blog, the American Journal of Pediatrics reported 13 cases over a 40 year period.

He must never do this. I did accidentally with a month old baby and returned to find the cat in the pram on the baby’s chest. There was a cat net. I tried 2 other cats nets after this. They were all shit. It’s a dangerous thing to do and anyone telling you to chill out is an idiot.

That means you, for example , @Idunno8. Yes, you don’t know.

I had twins with 4 cats. Cats mostly avoided the babies, too noisy and smelly. Kept the bedroom door closed when sleeping but never had any incidents.

The cats did like those vibrating baby seats, which we found funny as the babies hated them. Health Visitor called round and each baby seat had two cats asleep buzzing/vibrating away on full speed. Health Visitor looked at the cats and asked where the babies were, I said upstairs taking a nap in their cots.

Trust your GUT if it doesn't sit well with you then sit your husband down and explain your reasons and that he needs to respect these. If anything were to happen you would never forgive him.

Never let anyone dismiss your feelings. A mother's instinct is to protect their baby this is all you are doing. I hope your husband respects your wishes x

I can't find an article confirming this, but found this for the AAP online:

Cats, unlike dogs, evince a partiality for lying on the children's chests in close proximity to their faces, and when that is the case there is a real danger of a fatal termination by suffocation. An inquiry was recently held at Battersea into the circumstances of the death of a 1-month-old infant. A relative of the deceased stated that the infant was put to bed at mid-day, and half an hour later, when she went into the room, she found the cat curled up on the child's face.

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/47/3/515/46497/ON-CATS-AND-CRIB-DEATH?redirectedFrom=fulltext

I agree OP. Could you get one of those High chairs with newborn inserts? Would DH use that? My dog is lovely and calm, my cat has a mean streak. I wouldn’t leave either with a baby.

Yanbu. It might be unlikely that anything would happen but it's just not worth the risk AT ALL

OP your language is catastrophising -‘absolutely devastated’ is a bit much.

If it bothers you that much you can get a cover thing for a Moses basket.

I think when you delve deeper, the cats were just in the room when the baby, very sadly, passed away x

That's certainly been suggested as an explanation. The exception seems to be the Battersea case.

Exactly. My DM was horrified years ago when we visited a family friend with a newborn - their cat was curled around the baby in the carrycot. I had a colleague years ago whose cat scratched her eye accidentally when she jolted in bed and the cat was alarmed. A cat should be nowhere near a baby.

Could you get a net for the moses basket to stop the cats getting in ? Like this- https://amzn.eu/d/6TYzxKn

I had a screenshot but don't know how to post it

This is definitely something to worry about. We bought a fitted net that went over the bugaboo bassinet so when we left them alone the cat couldn’t jump in.

People saying this isn’t a thing or that OP is being weird/overly cautious are not helpful. Cats LOVE warmth and to snuggle and smothering a new born happens.

Sorry just seen the chat about nets

Actually, it is.

YANBU - as mentioned before a net might help, we had one with DD1.

I never left my two alone with the cats as they can suffocate the baby.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/7232699/pet-cat-suffocates-baby-death-sleeping-pram/

YANBU @untitled1
Cats and babies should be kept separated, your DH is a very stupid man for refusing to follow your instructions.

Yeah – my very placid little dog bit my face a couple of years ago – I kissed his head, he’d been sleeping and was startled, and in that split second instinctively snapped, then looked completely freaked out. I don’t think he knew what was going on in that fraction of a moment, just a startled survival instinct.

I was fine, although I do still have a scar on my upper lip area. I don’t think it was on purpose, and that’s the problem really – they can do harm without meaning to