DH wants me to get a job

[Missedp]

My husband has been pressuring me to go back to work, however I am happy with our current arrangement: I am a SAHM for our 3 children, a caregiver to my family and a local volunteer.
DH earns as good wage and we have money left over each month. I do the school runs and the children have a wonderful routine; I can also help friends and family with any ad hoc support.
DH wants to “accelerate” our savings and wants me to contribute financially but once you factor in a cleaner, the additional stress to of working and arranging care, it hardly seems worth it. I’ll be making slightly above minimum wage.

Can you try again? With,like, words and logic? @ruethewhirl

Jealousy trope is baseless. Baseless is lacking in fact. Factually, I am not jealous of working mums, so it’s baseless

Evidence, is observable ,testable ,demonstrable,bears scrutiny there is no evidence to prove or disprove that that working mums jealous of housewives

Well op of course you don't want to work. Wouldn't we all quite like to not work & just be kept....

How would you feel if your DH said "I don't want to work either. I want to be around for the children & volunteer".

In marriage you are supposed to be partners and share the load. While you might start off not bringing home loads more, if its a lower wage with childcare costs etc, in a few short years it will make your family far far better off, not to mention relieving the stress your DH is under as the sole earner.

You're asking me to use words and logic? Oh, the irony.

You become less and less coherent with every post. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if you're ChatGPT in disguise.

Exactly. Whist there are some working women/working mums, who are not remotely jealous of stay at home mums, some definitely are. I have even felt a bit of that jealousy myself now and again in the past. Though when I went part time (after having the kids) that waned quite a lot as I had a good balance. Plenty of time with the kids, but also time in the workplace/a career/work colleagues etc.

I have spoken to quite a number of working women (mums and non-mums) over the last few decades, who have envied stay at home mums. Some do NOT envy them. Some do though.

I have never EVER met a stay at home mum who was envious of women who have to work/choose to work.

Perhaps they exist. But I have never met any.

I am rather bemused by the posters here who are so angry and salty about some posters suggesting some working women/working mums are jealous of stay at home mums. If you're not jealous why are you bothered by these comments? They wouldn't even register with you if you weren't a bit jealous. Or if not jealous, deeply resentful, and somewhat bitter. As I said, if none of this description fits you, you wouldn't be commenting, getting angry, and repeating the same defensive comments over and over again.

The jealousy, bitterness, and resentment from SOME posters on here (towards stay at home mums) is palpable.

It makes you a martyr to do basics like clean your own house?

"If I have to work because my husband won't / can't support his family, then so should you."

If this thread is an insight into the state of U.K. women in 2025, it's very sad.

It depends on the size of the house and the amount of mess and how helpful other family members are. My house is on three levels. I have 2 huge, hairy dogs. And two children, now adults, who have learning disabilities and need a lot of support with personal care who can't reliably do chores. So I find cleaning the house to be a huge effort.

I guess I could do my chicken and pasta in an hour if I tried. I easily spend 6 to 7 hours batch cooking, still it's never enough for a full week's dinner.

These threads always seem to go the same way on MN. The “you’re all just bitter and jealous” line invariably gets trotted out. 🙄 Have we had “women can’t have it all” yet? That one usually appears fairly frequently.

The OP is unlikely to return to this thread. Another irritating drive-by post. 🙄 But IMO in most circumstances it’s entirely reasonable for both parents of school-age children to be in paid employment. Of course there are exceptions. However, many women do themselves no favours at all by giving up their careers entirely or working part time.

Try typing slower, maybe you’ll make more sense

Is that what you get from this thread?

are we still in the 50’s?

why is it his responsibility to support his family? The same applies to her, she can’t/won’t support her family either.

anyway. It’s not only about that. It’s making sure she understands that she’s making herself very vulnerable. If he dies, divorces, is redundant, can’t work due to ill health, or whatever, her sole source of income is gone.

the stats show that women nearly always outlive their husbands. So when she’s old and he dies, she has no state pension contributions or private pension, what then? That’s assuming she’s not in the one out of two marriages that fail, which will leave her with no income once her kids are adults.

Yes it’s a nice idea staying at home with the kids and having time to keep on top of things and do a bit of voluntary work. But unless her husband earns enough to set her up with a decent pension and also set aside a fair bit to cover a few years income should she/they lose his, then it’s not a great idea to become so dependent on one person.

No, it makes you a martyr to halo-polish about it and use it to try to bring other people down.

If cleaning one's home is such a basic and oh-so-easy thing, why are people on here boasting just because they do it? Surely it's nothing and therefore not worth mentioning?

Because some people are acting like having a cleaner is anything other than an unnecessary luxury?

For some of us it's neither unnecessary nor a luxury. If you're fit and healthy enough to be able to clean your own house, then I suggest you count your blessings.

Seriously, why the sanctimony over cleaning? It's 2025 and it's ridiculous that women are still trying to shame other women over housework. Some people need to get a life.

For plenty of people it is. Not everyone, I understand that.

If it hardly seems worth working due to finances if you factor in a cleaner such as OP then you probably can't afford one anyway.

She says she would only earn just above MW. So it's not some amazing career that she can never step back into. Sounds like it's just a job. And the pension contributions won't be much anyway, so a few more years out won't make any difference. Probably everything she earns will go on carers for her parents, after school care, cleaners, etc. They'll be no bettter off as a family. Just more stressed and less time for each other and more miserable overall.

She would be better off using the time in the day to retrain in something with more salary potential. Then go back in a few years. He should support her in this and look at the wider, longer-term picture. Three kids and elderly family is a lot.

So what if it is NMW? Plenty folk that’s their actual wage eg barista, retail, care. And they crack on.The entry wage isn’t a reason not too work. This thread is full of folk desperate to dissuade and discourage any working. Her husband has indicated he’s unhappy being sole wage earner, that is reason enough, frankly.

Wow. I’ve seen two posts you’ve made on this thread. One full of unacceptable sexism claiming it’s a man’s duty to be the sole provider for his family and now one questioning women’s bodily autonomy. Did you just arrive here from the 12th century?

🤣

entry level jobs aren’t all dead end.

i couldn’t afford to retrain. So I got a NMW entry level job, which paid some of the bills and eased the financial strain. Pension contributions for nhs/civil service etc are pretty good even at the lower levels.

gained some experience, got my references current, took advantage of training courses. Got a better job after 2 years. Then moved into a more senior role which allowed flexibility, wfh etc. 7 years later and I’m earning roughly the same as dh, although my job has better pension and job security.

it’s not as easy as “retrain”. It costs money to do courses, all while you’re not earning. Plus it can be worse than working as you’re attending courses all day, then writing essays and doing coursework at night. With no guarantee of a job at the end of it.

So I don’t agree she’d necessarily be better off retraining.

Why would she be paying for carers for her parents?

Plenty of people have suggested part time work around school hours so no wraparound care required. And again only working part time, surely its at least possible between the 2 of them to take car of the cleaning.

Exactly. Imagine insisting on being a leech after that?

If her parents need carers they have a care assessment and a financial assessment based on their circumstances, not hers

Exactly. She hasn't even mentioned her parents needing care. She's said supporting family, which could mean a plethora of things.

I'm on the other side -see my previous threads - and i absolutely hate and resent DP - its been the biggest cause of resentment for years.
I'd love to swan around helping friends, doing school runs (which become nothing by the time children are upper primary anyway) - he has no concept of hard work or "having to do anything' - i earn loads but retirement is harder and i don't want to fund his retirement as effectively he has been retired for years. We have little in common as he engages only with other lazy fuckers sahp/retired people - he feels he's entitled to their life for no reason- our son thinks this is an aspirational life style.
It has to be an agreed life- otherwise you just resent it