To think just don’t offer them beige food?

[Ashlll]

Or am I spectacularly uneducated here? My sister has a 3 year old who apparently will only eat beige food and mostly crisps. She says it’s a sensory thing and we have to respect it when around him, for example when I took him and dd out last week I had to give him quavers rather than the snacks I had got for dd… which then made dd want quavers too! Same with water, he won’t drink it and it has to be juice.

I am not massively strict but did say to dsis just don’t buy these things then he won’t know he can ask for them… she says he just won’t eat or drink. I think this is ridiculous (I’ve not said this to her). AIBU?!?

Honestly, if she’s already on the meal replacement shakes then I would forgo the UPFs.

Have you tried creating your own version of the meal replacement shakes if she tolerates those with some better ingredients?

I appreciate this may be the intention but I believe it’s flawed simply because of the well documented addictive nature of additives such a msg and the effect these have on the brain. I can see how easily this would become a preferred option for the child and actually, make things worse.

That’s an interesting point, we know there can all sorts of triggers for eating disorders so it stands to reason that ARFID would be the same. But like so many things, getting to the source of what triggered it is the way to support it but if that happens when you’re a baby or toddler for example it can be impossible. As I say, I’m just waffling out loud but I do think exploring and discussing triggers and different support systems can be beneficial. But cautiously because I guess the pressure and exposure can be extremely triggering. It’s such a tough subject. I often think that food issues, like addictions or aversions, are such a big deal because you have to face food every day so all day every day you have to face your issue over and over again. It’s a tough slog. I feel for any parents dealing with it, your children’s health is the most important thing.

Well, I suggest you go and speak to the people who study this for a living an explain to them how wrong they all are

My daughter is 2 and 1/2. Up until a year ago she ate most things I gave her. Curry, homemade pastas, pies, all sorts. A year ago she got tonsillitis. Was really poorly. Now she eats beans, 1 type of packeted pasta, toast.
she will eat yoghurts and some snacks. Luckily she likes fruit.

I’d love my daughter to eat some beige food. I got excited the other day because she a chip from McDonald’s.

You do realise these are people trained by the same nhs that serve jelly in a hospitals and say baked beans count as your 5 a day. If you really can’t use your own intiative to research what I’m saying and start asking if there could be any truth in it.. then 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yep - and there's nothing wrong with jelly when you're sick, or baked beans as part of a balanced diet.

But you clearly have a massive axe to grind as all you've done is scoff at everyone and sneer at them about how awful they are

Now you see - this is the slippery slop that would concern me. Yogurt, fruit, pasta.. all fine. Do not start introducing chips and other shit that she may take a preference to!! She’s 2.5 years old, stick with the foods you’re giving. My daughter went through a very fussy stage - I used to mash boiled egg yolks into her banana!!! It was limited but I stuck to what she ate and it passed. I did my best to sneak things in what I could.

My child was almost 2 before any food or water passed their lips.

I went to the GP for help at 7 months. We were on a 12 month wait to see professional help. 12 months of food refusal. 12 months of worry and tears, weight loss, misery for us all. Until it got to the point of needing urgent help.

They were offered every type of food, every healthy food, rainbow plates, varied meals. The rest of us in the family are good eaters (my preschooler included). They were exposed to food in the presence of family, siblings, alone, at home, out. They prepared food with me (or watched me cook) their whole life, they played with food (real and pretend) with me since they could play. Not a morsel passed their lips, if food got on their hands they became hysterical and if I attempted to cajole, it was met with such distress they projectile vomited.

So no, it’s not an overnight thing. Yes, a parent in that situation would feed a child a crisp if it’s the ONLY thing that would START the food chaining process that everyone’s describing. (And quite frankly, I’m of the belief that there’s nothing wrong with crisps, we enjoy treats in our family in moderation, but that’s beside the point!).

Lick a crisp… nibble a crisp… put a bit of crisp next to a blueberry and see if they try both. Ah now they attempted a blueberry! Amazing!

My child now eats. They have 2 safe foods: a hard boiled egg, and plain jacket potato. Thank god for that first crisp he licked at just over 2 years old. I’d give him crisps any time if it meant I didn’t have to see my baby be force fed through a tube or be in deep distress at meal times or be hospitalised with dry nappies yet again or quite frankly live in fear of them starving to death. It sounds dramatic but it’s absolutely true.

No one understands it fully if you haven’t lived it.

While I appreciate the post is more about lazy parents dishing out UPFs instead of offering variety, I wanted to share my experience so you might get the a different perspective from someone who has deliberately fed their toddler crisps and it’s been a huge success for them.

FWIW I didn't touch any Quavers or other awful UPF type foods until well into primary school. It still didn't mean I ate my dinner.

I appreciate you sharing this and this perspective.

There’s a lot left to be desired with jelly when you’re sick!!!!! Things need overhauling and badly.

Better ingredients than meal replacement shakes…? What…? These are prescribed. Do you suggest home made blood pressure meds too? How do you think I’m going to make those?

jelly is MASSIVELY good for improving hydration and the kind with sugar in can provide calories that are also easy to eat.

I give up.

I feel like you’re fighting the wrong fight. Is there an issue with children’s diets today? Yes.
Is this the biggest issue with children with eating disorders? No. And I think your attitude towards parents who will be incredibly stressed because they’re terrified they’re kids willl harm themselves through starvation isn’t really helping. Your points may be valid in terms of discussing children’s restrictive diets due to not being offered a wide range of foods or because their parents have and demonstrate poor diets but that’s not the same as children with eating disorders.

Yes YABU but I was the same before I had my son. My daughter was a great eater (and still is) but my 6yo has a very limited diet due to sensory issues. I'd be livid if someone hadn't fed him for their own reasons, not wanting to offer what you call beige food. It's hard to understand when your own children are good eaters but listen to the child's parents please

Like I said, I can’t give you any information as my experience is with children that don’t have SEND needs. I stated that in my original comment, and yet you goaded me into this conversation, making out like I’m stupid lol.

your child clearly has needs around food, so my comments are not for you.

Yes better with REAL food. Fruit, a proper ice cream made with full fat cream and sugar, add some dessicated liver capsules.. blend. Would taste lovely and have nutrients the body can assimilate

finally!

She clearly does. If she’s got to 13 and has not seen a doctor or CAMHS about her eating, then as a parent that’s a massive red flag.

Yes, exactly.

You can't apply the same reasoning to everything. It doesn't work like that.

Like I said, your child has needs around food, so my comments are not for you.

I thought you'd given up?

And I think many people don’t understand the kind of stress it puts partners under.

Just give your nephew the quavers op. Since you feel confident about managing eating issues, either just say no to your dd or let her join in and then return to your normal routine thereafter.