To think just don’t offer them beige food?

[Ashlll]

Or am I spectacularly uneducated here? My sister has a 3 year old who apparently will only eat beige food and mostly crisps. She says it’s a sensory thing and we have to respect it when around him, for example when I took him and dd out last week I had to give him quavers rather than the snacks I had got for dd… which then made dd want quavers too! Same with water, he won’t drink it and it has to be juice.

I am not massively strict but did say to dsis just don’t buy these things then he won’t know he can ask for them… she says he just won’t eat or drink. I think this is ridiculous (I’ve not said this to her). AIBU?!?

YANBU - I used to look after DN when she was small, apparently terrible eating issues, she ate what we ate when she was with us (I didn’t force her, I just hadn’t appreciated it was a ‘thing’) but apparently she only eats a handle of things now and they have to be specific brands - big fuss made out of it.
another DN was a very fussy toddler, her parents stood their ground and she is a great chef and eats all sorts now as an adult. I’m sure some people have very genuine sensory needs but I don’t think it is as wide spread as suggested.

Nonsense!! The "beige food" I ate was mainly potatoes. I wouldn't eat rice then (I do now, just not that often), and pasta wasn't big in the 60s and 70s. Probably the only upf we ever had was occasionally fish fingers!

And I am saddened that you persistently seek to place the blame on parents and refuse to accept that this disorder, named or nameless, is a real thing, and it's hugely insulting to people who have suffered from it, and people whose children are going through it!

I don't know if I have ARFID or not and I don't particularly care either way at this stage of my life, but I know that I have always had disordered eating throughout my life!

What you say is NOT "an undeniable fact"!!

Sorry about your child, it sounds very hard, but not all children with UPF heavy diets have the same issues your child has, the OP wasn't criticising parents in your position, but parents who don't encourage their kids to eat a wide range of foods, or who give them beige breaded freezer food as it's easier for the parent.

Some toddlers will have AFRID, the vast majority won’t. Treating every toddler who rejects new foods as a potential candidate for AFRID with no further investigation is unlikely to be helpful. The rule of thumb is that accommodations should benefit everyone, eating only beige food is not a good choice for everyone so it’s not an accommodation that should be taken lightly.

I was able to go home for lunch at primary school as we lived right next to it and I took packed lunches at secondary.

Some of the 'delights' I remember taking (and got laughed at for!) were stewed apple sandwiches or a slice of cake!! My parents had given up by then and were just desperate for me to eat anything I think!

Bless your mum!

The question of whether kids might be testing boundaries by refusing certain foods has been suggested a few times, but not considered by any of the parents of kids with restricted eating.

My DD when she started to reject foods she'd previously eaten was definately testing boundaries and trying to assert control, because that's what lots of 2 to 3 year olds do.

I definitely was NOT "testing boundaries"! There were certain foods I just couldn't eat and still can't.

Whose "boundaries" do you reckon I am "testing" now then?

If a child will not eat to the point of going hungry, then you can be pretty sure no "boundaries" are being "tested"!

The kid is three.

I've had three year olds, three of them. One would eat anything - the other two absolutely not. Fussy buggers the pair of them.

I didn't have time to negotiate with the small terrorists, so I made my life easier.

At 16? All three eat a wide variety of foods, all healthy, all healthy weights.

So I'd say honestly, keep your opinions to yourself. Sure you might be right, but you're only going to upset your sister and frustrate yourself.

PS I also doubt anything other than regular degular threenager behaviour.

Then surely this doesn't refer to you? You don't have to take offense when you know this isn't the case for you?

I definitely was NOT "testing boundaries"! There were certain foods I just couldn't eat and still can't

That sounds tough. But I don’t think this thread is about you or that you, specifically, don’t have problems with food.

People are suggesting that not all toddlers who refuse new foods are the same, which is sensible.

I believe I am permitted to disagree with a statement?

I haven't "taken offence" - I don't care enough to be bothered! - but I am tired of people minimising a problem!

But some may be, and there's been some quite disturbing posts written by people with first-hand experience.

Yes a tiny percentage may be, most will not and treating them as the tiny percentage will do more harm than good.

Yeah I wasn't testing boundaries either, I just cannot tolerate some foods. I suppose people on here would consider my diet to be quite restricted but I just won't eat if I don't like what's on offer.

My fourth child is the same as me and I promised myself as a child that I would never force my kids to eat what they didn't like, she has a set few meals that she'll eat so I stick to that. I don't really care if people think I should be tougher, from personal experience that doesn't work and will just make her even less likely to ever want to try anything new.

I have a child with a restricted diet. If we have company I offer what she’ll eat so she doesn’t make a fuss. Behind closed doors I try to get her to eat more. It’s the least embarrassing way when we have people over.

Absolutely a massive reach and pushing your own food issues on other people imo.

Not everyonehas as many food issues as you and to suggest the above is dangerous and ridiculous imo.

Maybe each case needs to be looked at individually?

What about the harm done to the so-called "tiny percentage" if their food issues are belittled?

You just sound like you don't believe anyone. You'd soon change your tune if a child of yours had a problem!

That's very rude of you to put down another poster's lived experience!

This poster is absolutely NOT "pushing [her] own food issues"!!!! She's relating her own horrific experience, which she is utterly entitled to do!

You clearly have no understanding of this!

Urgh, I’m so sorry there are HCP out there still insisting on this method. ARFID was virtually unheard of when my son was small and I was hoping that down the years we would get better at recognising and dealing with it. Apparently not. 😖
ARFID isn’t about being a fussy eater, it’s about anxiety manifesting in a way they can control.

My son loves to cook, always has, which has always baffled me, but it’s true. He went to college to study catering and that was key to improving his eating habits. When he could see how his food was prepared, he felt safer to try new things. His diet is still limited, but he eats lots more things, including more vegetables and protein which were always his biggest problem.
I hope your daughter is doing ok. ❤️

ARFID. Not AFRID. If you can’t even name it correctly perhaps it’s best not to speak in something you don’t anything about.

Before beige food was invented, the diet of most people in the U.K. was meat and 2 veg and potatos. My dad was a very ‘picky eater’ and knowing what I do now would probably diagnosed with ARFID.
he also was chronically malnourished, almost died 3 times as a child due to his inability to fight off infections. He barely ate anything. Even now as a man in his 70s, he is very thin and essentially eats toast and mashed potatoes with cheese. Beige food.

The reason those are the foods that are often safe for children who struggle with sensory issues around food is because they are bland with a soft texture mostly.

Tbh I don’t think it really matters as much as we like to think.

My sister never ate anything except dry beige food. She grew into an adult who eats the most insane food and travels the world to do so.

I ate everything as a child. But you won’t find me eating oysters, weird clams, super strong strange cheeses, carpaccio, steak tartare or more adventurous types of sushi. So in a way we swapped places; just in relative adult terms rather than child ones.

Typo’s happen.

I’m taking about the millions of people that don’t have it. The vast majority as it happens. A toddler that says ‘no’ to new food should not have a parent in fear.

Eating disorders should not be minimised.