Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

[ParsnipPuree]

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

He could make cuts in his lifestyle and pay back the first friend.
He's 100%dodger.

So ask dh if he would happily write it off

or what he would do if friend didn’t /couldn’t /wouldn’t pay it back £2k a month like the agreement says

Am I the only one wondering how the wife is so oblivious to their family finances that she hasn't noticed they are £25K in debt and consistently spending beyond their means? TBH I'm wondering if she is aware but just pretending not to be.

Repaying it over 12 months is more than 2 grand a month. Can he afford it if he & his wife have been living beyond their means?
Can you really see him reigning it in enough to make the repayments? His current outgoings on debt repayments & interest must be more than 2k if they've agreed a 12 month repayment plan. I don't see how he's going to continue to keep his wife in the dark without a lot of lies.

Have you no loyalty to his wife? If you knew that her husband was cheating with another woman would you not tell her?

Which reminds me,
1, a distant relative was always hard up, embezzled money - to keep his other family
2, friend's family always hard up .....father also keeping another secret family.

If I were his wife I would be absolutely livid if my 'friend' knew my husband was borrowing huge amounts and she didn't tell me. Your husband may have stupidly/immorally promised not to tell her but you haven't.

Also once they have the money, how happy are they going to be cutting back when the friend who loaned them the money isn't cutting back. They are going to get really resentful about going short to pay someone who can afford to lose 25k.
They are in debt because they have no self control spending on luxuries. Budgeting is for the plebs, when you have wealthy mates to bail you out and they will feel entitled to another holiday after all the stress!

Well, naturally he's already started cutting things and won't be waiting until he has been given this gift of £25,000 ...

He hasn't got to "only" cut back £2,000 a month/ £25,000 in a year. He's got to cut back that AND whatever he was overspending by. Whilst not letting on to his wife that anything is up.

And that's not accounting for the extra £££ that I'm pretty sure he will also owe elsewhere on credit cards, loans from other friends...

Unless the business has a prohibition in lending what is there to stop this? It might not be every day but it's not unheard of, why wouldn't it be allowed?

If you're a director of your business then you'll be under different rules

And he's got to do it out of post tax income, it's just not going to be possible without the wife twigging unless she's spectacularly dim

You seem very accepting of this OP, I would be furious at your DHs stupidity.

This 'friend' is being so patronising to his wife, treating her like some delicate little flower and no an equal partner in his marriage who can't be told about the debt. Yes he's embarrassed but she can't help with cutting back on family spending if she doesn't know.

How will she feel when it all finally comes out and she realises he's let her spend freely on unnecessary luxuries, plus her friends knew and didn't tell her.

OP's husband is also a total soft touch probably with a bit of 'white knight' syndrome and I couldn't respect him for lending this money in these circumstances.

I'd like to make some predictions: that your DH's friend does not repay the money borrowed, that in fact what he told your DH was a tissue of lies, that he owes much more than £25K, that he probably has an addiction of some sort, that he will try to borrow more from other people, and he'll continue with the suicide threats to get you all to shut up.

I would be telling his wife and would be beyond LIVID at his telling your DH not to tell you. Because that suggests levels of deceit that are quite staggering - married people are supposed to be a team, supporting each other, being trustworthy to each other. But we know this chap isn't just duff with money but also scheming, manipulative and dishonest. He wouldn't be my mate for long, I can tell you.

You could be right, hopefully someone properly qualified will be able to shed some light on it but as a Company Director myself I just can't understand how it could be done
I am not sure Companies can just lend money to friends of The Director unless they are a Financial Services co and then they would have to be regulated etc.
But as I said I am not an Accountant

This x1000

Gambling, cryptocurrency, drugs and or a girlfriend. Plus maxxed out credit cards.

No sympathy here for the lazy wife, either. She knows what she spends.

@ShodAndShadySenators

100%

I have no doubt whatsoever. I hope OP and her DH can swallow a 25k loss.

When the wife finds out she will be furious at everyone keeping this from her.

Haven’t read the the thread, but don’t do it.

"I am not sure Companies can just lend money to friends of The Director "

I'm US based and had a small LLC (limited liability) and as such, my personal assets had some protection in case of lawsuit or bankruptcy. But loaning business funds to a friend ie mingling corporate and personal assets would "pierce the corporate veil" and I would lose that personal assets protection in case of bankruptcy or a lawsuit. I don't know if that's how it works there in the UK. Plus taxes.

He sounds as gullible as the guy who took a bunch of cash to Germany a while back.

I agree with this completely.

Also when the truth comes out it will be a total shit show and your husband and yourself whom knew what was going on, kept something so serious from his wife, WILL be vilified.

It will be so convenient to scattergun the blame and you two will be a great focus for her upset.

You will be very harshly judged for facilitating him getting in deeper financial trouble.

They have children and neither of you are thinking of them.

Your husband is actually thinking of himself and how he wants to be seen by his friend.

He is not doing the right and honourable thing by helpung this friend lie, and dupe his wife futher.

Your husband hasn't thought this through.

If I were you I would email your husband your long list of reservations and concerns and lay it all out what is likely to happen and how he potentially is involving your family in a very ugly public situation.

Your names will be mud in all of this.
How would YOU feel if your husband did this to you?

If I heard that close friends had kept shit like this from a wife, I would be appalled.

YOU are now fully involved.

25k is a short term plaster.
This reeks of the desperation of some sort of gambling.

What does this mean?
You seem to be looking for women to be irresponsible with money?

I'm old enough to remember the 2008 crash and stories like this.
There were many.

If he is telling his wife everything is fine and doing well, why wouldn't she believe him?

He is hardly going to be telling her he has lost money gambling, speculating etc.

It is for you to say he can’t lend it. I’ve been in a similar position to you historically, not working but shareholder in DHs company, just doing the basic paperwork like invoicing. I wasn’t working other than that because we had young children and we decided it was best if I stayed home with them for a few years. No way would I have tolerated my DH deciding to lend money like that. It’s our money, not his money. I sacrificed my earning potential to raise our children, I earned that money too. If your DH is the only one generating an income and he views it as his money rather than shared then you’ve got a DH problem.

Absolutely do not lend the friend money. I can’t believe anyone would think it was acceptable to be begging off friends for money when they’re having lots of holidays. (Well actually I can believe it because I’ve seen other people do similar, but I’m always shocked).

I can’t believe you’re allowing this to happen OP. It’s moronic, just say no.

I will always do what I can to help a friend in need. I have given money. I have shared my home. I really have always tried to help if I can. Maybe I am a mug. Some friends have taken the help, been grateful, repaid in money if borrowed, or just by helping me when I needed emotional support whatever.

I no longer do lending money. I value my friends too much and at least 3/4 of the time, it gets problematic. I do not wish to harass my friends for money and some won't give it without prompting. Awkward for me and them. I just don't now.

Don’t do it 25k is a massive ask.
Your DH needs to keep his business afloat and you can’t always foresee events which might jeopardise it. That will affect you
It’s a terrible idea for the DH to collude with yours behind his wife’s back. That will blow the friendship apart and will again affect you