To think ugly men are usually vile

[SordidSplendour]

Speaking as a very "mid" woman looks wise. I've given all sorts of men chances over the years, moreso ugly men as in my younger years I assumed they'd be funnier, more accepting, kinder etc.
Never the case. The most rotten foul, misogynist men have been the ugliest!
Married and had DC with a normal (v attractive to me man!) but am seeing it all again now via DDs.
Am I alone?

Also this. What do you even mean by "ugly"?

I can understand there might be some bitterness ln less attractive men if they have been treated poorly due to looks but tbh I dated a lot of good looking guys ( at the time I was pretty but not stunning) and they treated me quite badly .
My husband was less typical attractive than I was at the time we met but kind, funny, lovely, success, interesting. Although I’m now menopausal, I’ve gained weight, my skin and hair are dreadful and I’ve aged a lot. Whereas dh is very toned, fit and healthy so he definitely looks better than me now.

Other than say, Donald Trump, I think I’d hesitate to call any human being, male or female, actually “ugly”.

There are some people who are objectively speaking, more physically attractive than others. Eg, men and women that many people would agree are highly physically attractive. But generally, it’s quite subjective. I remember when Jennifer Aniston was dating Vince Vaughan and the tabloids ran stories asking how she could go from Brad Pitt to him. I never found Brad Pitt remotely attractive, although I accept he is objectively speaking, a good looking man. I found VV more physically attractive at that time than BP.

So there are men I don’t find physically attractive but it’s not because I think they are “ugly”. Some people I think are plain, or have bad teeth or whatever, but “ugly”? No.

This thread reflects very badly on women and Mumsnet.

What a horrible thread. There are a couple of truly vile responders on here who I hope I never have the misfortune to meet.

How does it reflect badly on Mumsnet, far less women in general?

There are only a few women on this thread commenting. It's 3 pages long at present. They don't reflect or represent a cross section of MN, far less womenkind.

I find all this 'mid', 'high value', 'low value', 'ugly' assessment of other people and of oneself just as vile to be honest.

Do you think this is largely because you give handsome men more leeway?

An ugly man your just going to dismiss offhand when they do something bad, but pretty people tend to get more tolerance.

I've move from the UK to the south of Italy. I don't know about ugly, but men here are commonly much shorter than in Britain. It's one of the biggest cultural differences i've noticed, they are very often horrible. Unbearably competative and agressive with other men, and shockingly misogynistic and controlling with their wives. They are openly unfaithful behind their partners back, and expect other men to cover for them, and celebrate their conquests, almost like it's a lads sport. It seems shallow to chalk all that up to them being short, but i do think that's what it is. I once described my wife as "my best friend" at a social event, and you could cut the atmosphere with a butter knife. They honestly see their wives as inferior to them. I don't like to draw racial stereotypes, but i'd struggle to think of a man here that doesn't fit this mould. I unaffectionately call them the Jack Russels of Europe.

Define ugly? I'. Genuinely trying to work out if I know anyone I could describe as ugly. There are men I don't find attractive but that doesn't equate to being nasty. In fact the most unpleasant man I have known was conventionally very attractive e.g toned tanned sculpted face etc. I don't think looks equate to personality and its shallow to think so.

One third of 190 women agree with the OP.

Mumsnet have let this thread stand so it must be in the spirit of Mumsnet.

I feel sorry for their children to be perfectly honest

And two third's DIDN'T agree? So surely the majority who didn't agree are more reflective of womankind and MN than those who did.

One third is depressingly high.

I knew somebody would come alone with a NAWALT comment.

But it hardly reflects badly on MN or womankind in general, does it? When a a third of 190 people reading a thread agree with the sentiment expressed by an OP.

Just read your edit. You're not remotely making sense saying someone would come along with a 'NAWALT comment'.

You sound like a raging mysoginist to try and infer something about womenkind in general and MN in particular because a tiny minority of the site's total number of posters have agreed with a thread's premise.

And yet DH has a friend who definitely fell down the ugly tree and bounced of every branch on the way down…..but he is the sweetest, very personable, wonderful conversationalist, great with kids etc

I knew one like that... He had a really different side once I got to know him in a dating sense. A surprising misogynist streak, cold and critical behaviour, and secretly a bit of a player who thought he could get away with it. I couldn't work it out... He was really insecure about his looks, but I think his social skills had helped him crack the formula, so he was behaving like an undercover incel with the magic key. The experience definitely taught me that looks mean nothing once you're in the door... The "ugly" man isn't going to be gratefully hanging onto his better looking girlfriend.

Looks are subjective.

Personality less so.

There has been, over the years, a number of very "attractive" men walk into my office. Some of the single (and a couple of not single) women falling over themselves to become close to them because they are deemed attractive and have a decent job and so on.

Being happily married, it was usually easier to see them as whole people rather than anything else. Because of my role I tend to wind up working with everyone quite closely at some point. And many were utterly horrible people, personality wise.

Horrible is horrible. Attractive is subjective. There's conventionally attractive to look at but mostly people become attractive when you get to know them as people and then you find that you actually like looking at them because they make you smile.

Hurt people hurt people.

When someone is insecure about themselves then it can absolutely turn to anger and hatred towards other people.

Some of the nastiest women I know are so because deep down they’re very insecure.
Same with these men.

But I don’t think it’s just ugly people who are horrible.

I know lots of ‘ugly’ men and they are lovely, I also know lots of mid and gorgeous men who are also lovely.
But I also know lots of ugly, mid and gorgeous men who are utter pricks.

I’m confused why you would give so many men who you thought was ugly a chance.
You need to find someone attractive to be in a relationship with them.

And gently if you’re going into a relationship already thinking someone is ugly and beneath you, then it’s no wonder that these relationships don’t work and they end up disliking you.

Some men are vile but I don’t think it’s purely an ugly man (or woman) issue.

YABU.

Prejudice

I don’t think there’s any connection between looks and character. I don’t agree that men who aren’t conventionally attractive have worse personalities (although they might do) but I also don’t agree with the old trope that they’ll be extra nice to make up for the lack of looks. There’s no connection.

I do think some men (and women) end up in a negative spiral, feeling unattractive and bitter so making no effort to improve things.

Possibly the stupidest opinion I have ever read on mumsnet. Although the competition is strong.

If beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, it makes sense that you would find horrible men “ugly”. Attractive men are often attractive because they are kind. Your sweeping statement makes it sound like you could see a picture of a man and tell if he’s kind or horrid which is clearly absolutely bat shit crazy.

Are all the women posting about ugly men supermodels themselves then?